Top Ten Ways to Avoid Taking Out the Trash

You lean against the wall outside the doorway to the kitchen. You steal a peek around the doorway. Good; your owner has his/her back turned doing the dishes. You S-L-O-W-L-Y creep past. If you can just make it to the other side, your troubles are over. But then your owner calls over his/her shoulder those six little words that no Neopet can stand:

"Did you take the garbage out?"

Nobody likes garbage duty. It's an annoying, bothersome, smelly job. So I have carefully devised some plans for you, dear reader, so that you won't have to take the garbage out. None of the plans are smart or correct, but it sure is better than taking out the trash!

Plan #1: Pretend You're Sick

Slump to the side and moan and say you don't feel well. Say that you must have Garbage Pox. Say that it's a newly discovered disease from taking out the trash. This is risky business because your owner might call the doctor or warn his/her Neofriends of this "disease". But then of course, the Neofriends could warn their Neofriends until it spreads and no owner will ever let their Neopet take out the trash! You'll be a hero to Neopets and doctors alike for different reasons!

Plan #2: School Project

Tell your owner that your class is doing an experiment that involves not taking out the trash. If your owner asks more about the project, say that it depends on what the student wants to do and you haven't decided yet. If he/she says he/she would like a slip or something stating it's true, say "Okay", smile nicely and walk off. The next day when he/she is about to ask you for it, take the one thing that they absolutely love and compliment it. They'll forget all about it droning on and on and saying that it's about time you started liking the object, too.

Plan #3: Siblings

Younger siblings can be a pain, but if you use them right, they can be a blessing. For example, you can blackmail them into taking out the trash for you! Isn't that nice? Or if your little sibling is immune to blackmail, pay them*.

*Who ever said to pay them with REAL Neopoints? Give them some of the chocolate ones wrapped in gold foil and watch the fun as they smell it and don't know where it's coming from!

** I, of course, am never a pain, but I have younger cousins that certainly are, so I know how it's like.

Plan #4: Inspiration

This isn't an actual plan; it's just something that'll help to inspire you to go to outer limits to get rid of that yuck! So here we go:

Naomi the Fire Zafara took the Neopoints the Blue Grundo offered her. She handed him the large, black plastic bag and said, "Pleasure doing business with you!" That night, as Dr. Sloth sat down to his battle plans, he accidentally triggered a rope with his foot and garbage came tumbling out from above him, splattering him! The corners of his assistant Blue Grundo's mouth twitched while the other Grundos snickered. "Bad luck, then, eh, sir? You know those Random Events…"

Plan #5: The Rubbish Heap

Sell your garbage to that Blue Kacheek that apparently has nothing better to do with his life (you're not going to tell him I said that, right? Heh, heh…). He gets bored when he runs out of garbage to give people, so he wants to keep his so-called "hobby" up. Just make sure that when he comes over to pick up the trash, wear a clothespin on your nose. The scent of garbage tends to carry (don't tell him I said that either!).YOU name the price. Delivery not included, because then you'd have to take out the trash anyway.

Plan #6: The Snowager

First make sure you're positive that the Snowager is asleep from his sleeping patterns. Then dash in holding the bag of trash. Leave your trash there and the Snowager will call it treasure (you devil, you!) and you'll never have to see it again. You can do this as often or as little as you want, but considering that this is garbage at stake, I think you'll settle for the first option.

Plan #7: Just Take the Garbage Out

Hey! Who wrote that??? Mo-om!!!

The REAL Plan #7: Tyrannian Food

Okay, this may sound gross, but Tyrannians have a brain about the same size as my brother Harvey's (REALLY don't tell HIM I said that!) so they'll eat about anything. Send it in a Neomail to the Chia that runs the Food Shop there. He'll know what to do with it.

Plan #8: Battledome Items

Invite someone you know over that you know has a Million Degree Sword. When they get there, ask them if you can borrow it. With that sword, you can blast that garbage to Kreludor! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! *coughs, looks embarrassed*

Plan #9: Tombola

This works best if you get younger siblings (or cousins) to help you. Have your sibling (or cousin) distract the Tombola Tiki Tack by doing what she/he does best-pestering and annoying. While he/she has him covered, dump your garbage into the Booby Prize box. Practice this at home first to make sure you've got it.

Last But Not Least, Plan #10: Older Siblings

Your elder siblings (especially males) can sometimes be on the slow side; at least that's how it is with Harvey. But if you have a brother/sister like Harvey, who inhales his food and never tastes it unless he licks it off of his chin later, just slip it on his/her dinner plate when he/she's not looking. Tested and true!

Well, that's about it, dear readers. Now if you'll excuse me, Harvey's on my tail and if I wanna live, I'd better run faster. See ya!