Breaking news: Meepit Invasion Continues

     Panic and chaos overnight as the Neopian Times has been shut down permanently due to ‘chronic Meepit invasion’. The Meepits have now rendered the building unsafe by burrowing under supporting walls and have taken up residence in the Editor’s office. There was a brief, tense stand-off until they released the final few journalists, but the Editor hasn’t been seen since yesterday and is believed to still be somewhere in the building. To add further complications the Petpet Protection League has turned up and will not allow a forcible removal of the Meepits or ‘incursions into their new habitat’ so any attempts at rescue have so far been forestalled.

     Note: The journalists and writers, formally of the Neopian Times, and keen to continue their good work, have set up this new publication The Coconut, based out of Mystery Island which has been declared a Meepit Free Zone and quarantine measures are now in place to keep it that way.

     For a long time Meepits have been threatening to take over life as we know it in Neopia, from limiting the freedom of the press by sporadically invading the press room, to delaying important meetings, updates and pivotal political decisions. Now it seems their plans are coming to fruition, one can only imagine that from their new stronghold of the old NT headquarters in Neopia Central they will quickly be able to organise and take over much of the surrounding city. Of course there are many naysayers who say the Meepits are #fakenews and are being used as scapegoats for wider organisational delays and issues, and others who agree that the whilst Meepits may be the cause, they aren’t targeting anything specifically and are just seeking more food and fresh habitats. One such believer is Weltrude of the Petpet Protection League who believes this recent behaviour is to do with habitat destruction, and frequent cruel abandonment of Meepits by their owners. More on this later -

     *BREAKING NEWS*

     Reports are just in that the Neopian Hospital has now had to be shut down and the Pharmacy is overrun. Fuelled by a variety of pharmacy items which have now been consumed, the Meepits have returned to the streets of Neopia Central and they are rampaging through the streets. Nowhere is sacred: shopkeepers and shoppers alike are running for their very lives ahead of a raging pink army.

     As more reports pile in, it appears that the only building in Neopia Central that has escaped utter decimation so far is the NC Mall. More on that now as it appears that they are taking over the system so entirely – payments have apparently stopped going to TNT and are now being diverted to a new company called ‘MeEpITs’R’CoOL’. TNT are appealing for Neopians to stop shopping for the time being to prevent this fraudulent company getting the benefit of their hard work.

     ***

     Back with Weltrude of the PPPL, she explains that “Meepits are a largely misunderstood species of Petpet. Although they look very pink and cute, their boisterous nature surprises many new owners who then may decide to abandon them. This is utterly cruel behaviour and results in feral groups of Meepits forming small herds in order to survive.” This herd behaviour is fairly common as the Meepit species has been present in some form on Neopia for many years and evidence suggests that they have frequently been present in medium-large herds in order to survive larger and more vicious denizens. They evolved over time into their current form, although ancient texts suggest that early evil had a hand in forcing this which suggests why they can be fairly vicious and prone to malevolent suggestions.

     Although there has been evidence of a wider Meepit conspiracy since Year 14, they faded into smaller groups a year later. It was largely assumed at the time that their leader, the Meepit Overlord had retired or been abandoned by his followers. The question now is, is he running this new takeover, or is it another as yet unknown Meepit? More on this later -

     *BREAKING NEWS*

     Latest updates from reporters at the scene suggest that the Meepits have now taken over both Kiko Lake and Roo Island from their Neopia Central base. It appears that they first arrived at Kiko Lake and then purloined the glass bottom boats, usually available as a tourist attraction, to travel around the peninsula and launch an invasion onto Roo Island. Kiko Lake has been decimated, and all Neopets able to flee have joined the Neopia Central refugees heading south. As far as we are currently aware, King Roo has escaped, but we are not able to independently verify this report. Those from Roo Island who were able to escape on boats have told of seeing Meepits leaping from the fairground rides and hurling dice at those poor Neopians running for the docks.

     ***

     We have not yet been able to verify if this is the work of The Meepit Overlord, or indeed if the Meepits want anything other than to create as much chaos as possible. They have not yet submitted a list of demands and do not appear to have any particular motive for this sudden uprising. We are attempting to establish communications with the Meepits and will report back with updates as we receive them.

     The new Meepit-run company ‘MeEpITs’R’CoOL’, under the ticker name MEEP, is now listed on the Stock Market and has floated for a price of 65NP per share. This price is a fairly strong starting point for the new company according to chief stockbroker Nigel, and suggests that their swift takeover of the NC Mall has persuaded investors to back them up. Either that or the investors are hoping that by backing them they will avoid any Meepit-related trouble. We were unable to continue our interview with Nigel as sudden discrepancies in the stock market started appearing shortly after the start of the interview which meant he had to go and investigate. At the time of writing, Meep is now the only listing available to purchase for average Neopians. More on this later -

     *BREAKING NEWS*

     News just in from Haunted Woods – apparently this district fell to Meepit control early yesterday and they have managed to suppress any leaked information until now when the first Neopets have managed to escape. Further information on what happened here is scarce. Faerieland have now responded with an enhanced barrier of protection which will keep Meepits out. The Faeries are welcoming refugee Neopets as Fyora released a statement: “Not too long ago, we ourselves were seeking help from our fellow citizens, it is only right that we return that kindness.” It is difficult to say how long the Faeries’ magic will withstand the rampaging hordes of Meepits once they set their eyes on their next prize.

     Another Meepit army has been seen heading towards The Lost Desert and with current unrest in the region it is perhaps unlikely that they will be able to hold off this new assault for long.

     Further East, King Skarl and King Hagen have declared a joint State of Emergency and united the armies of Brightvale and Meridell. So far this has cumulated in a tense standoff, with the Meepits finally seeming to be reluctant to advance further.

     ***

     Nigel has now confirmed the stock market issues. ‘MeEpITs’R’CoOL’ have managed to successfully bid and takeover every other company and now run the entire capitalist structure of Neopia. Quite how they have achieved this in such short time remains to be determined, but it suggests that they have been formulating plans for a long time and remaining unnoticed as they put them into place.

     The Feepit Defence League are now mobile, a spokes-pit has told us. They were caught-off guard and apparently sleeping powder was put on their pillows last night but they are now assembling (somewhat bleary-eyed) and are preparing to mobilise to contain the Meepit Invasion from spreading. Unfortunately many keep falling back under the influence of the sleeping powder and so their ranks are somewhat disorganised and less than impressive. This reporter hopes that they recover quickly, and before it is too late. More on this later -

     *BREAKING NEWS*

     Tragic events have unfolded as we can confirm that Meridell and Brightvale have fallen – the armies were engulfed as they were attacked from behind by Meepits who had managed to take boats from Roo Island to help their comrades out. No news on the status of either King Skarl or King Hagen, and no reports of any Neopet survivors. Latest verified accounts suggest that the Meepits were heading in their boats North, towards Tyrannia and Terror Mountain. Will the Meepits be stopped by no one? Where have the Feepit Defence League got to?

     It also appears that an army of Meepits have managed to journey through the mountain pass from the Haunted Woods to Altador sometime in the night as fleeing citizens have just now appeared on the shores of Mystery Island. The Altador offensive must have happened at a similar time to the attack on the Neopian Times and the council were caught by surprise (as were we all). Many have managed to escape, but they were able to see ships of Meepits heading from the Altador ports to both Moltara and Lutari Island.

      ***

     We have finally managed to get information from the Meepits. A representative has issued a statement to us and we have been advised to print it in full:

     “Hello feeble underlings. We are your new masters. None shall be spared. We have taken your businesses, we have taken your free-press, we have taken your charity, your food and your homes. We will not stop until we have taken EVERYTHING. You blamed us for all your problems before. Well you were right. Now we are your ONLY problem. Bow down before our power, we can take over your lives here at any moment and we have, we can cause you suffering by cursing you with slowness and bad spelling and disruptions to normal service. We can make things go wrong – your shoes will only be able to be worn on your head and you can only wear your hats on your hands. We are the ultimate masters of chaos and terror and we are now in charge! You will feel our wrath! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA”

     Apart from the statement, they have not responded to any further questions, merely blowing raspberries in response. Their motives are unclear, except perhaps world domination, which they are apparently achieving quickly. This may well be the end of Neopian life as we know it. And the Meepits were really to blame all along. Who would have guessed it? The most widespread belief amongst average Neopians was that the Meepits were a scapegoat for the administration they worked for, but alas we have been proved most terribly wrong. We laughed at those who blamed Meepits, calling them crazy conspiracy theorists but now it appears that they weren’t crazy at all. The Meepits have infiltrated the administration system to its core and are now in a position to openly take over. What will become of our society?

     *BREAKING NEWS*

     We have verified multiple reports of widespread destruction in Tyrannia with Meepit-filled ships heading back from those shores suggesting that both Tyrannia and Terror Mountain have now fallen. We have not heard anything from Shenkuu since yesterday, but given the fall of Altador it would be wise to assume that Shenkuu is also over-taken. Refugees from Moltara and Lutari Island have started to arrive in Mystery Island and both those lands have become overrun with Meepits.

     We’ve had no official word from Krawk Island but Meepits appear to have stolen several ships from which were previously moored there and are now visible off shore. Mystery Island was the only remaining Meepit-free zone on the surface of Neopia and I suspect it will not be for very much longer. We have had no further contact with Faerieland. Whether that means it has fallen, or whether it means they are safe but under siege is impossible to say. Friends in Maraqua, at the Space Station and Kreludor – we plea for your assistance. Meepits are swarming on the beaches and coming inland fast, a tidal wave of pink, leaving nothing in their wake… The Tiki Tack Man has been carried off, his final cries of ‘Tombalaaaaa’ ring out over the village. They are approaching the office hut of The Coconut. They are at the doors. We cannot get out. The end comes soon. We hear Meeps, Meeps in the deep. They are coming…