Neopia Central: The Musical!

     Scene 1: Agent’s Office

     Curtains open.

     There is a desk at centre stage. Lyle, wearing his casual jacket, sits on a large chair in front of the desk. Agent, dressed in their/her white pantsuit, sits at a larger chair behind the desk, in front of a wall of records and photos of them/her with famous people they/she has represented. Morgan, wearing very fashionable Mystery Island-inspired winter wear, stands off to stage right, generally encouraging Lyle. Nevertheless, there is tension in the room.

     Lights fade in.

     LYLE: (hesitantly) So… what’s the nature of this meeting?

     AGENT: (frowning) I’m sorry, first of all, that I made you do Dr. Sloth’s podcast. I’m sorrier that I didn’t tell you beforehand that I had hired Beebee Draik.

     LYLE: (matter-of-factly) So, why? Why did you keep it a secret from me?

     AGENT: (sighing) Look, Lyle, baby, I never wanted to hurt you. (compassionately) I figured if you knew you would get jealous, or angry – either way, that you’d descend further into the mental spiral you’ve been suffering for months. I mean, I knew I had to tell you eventually, but I wanted to make sure the time was right. (grumbling) And I especially didn’t want you to hear it on Pinch of Evil.

     Lyle nods slowly and silently.

     LYLE: (smiling slightly) I… think I can appreciate that.

     AGENT: (warmly) Moreover, Beebee Draik told me before I signed her that she says you are one of her biggest inspirations. She doesn’t want you to be hurt, either.

     LYLE: (perking) Really?

     AGENT: (smiling) Yes! Again, Lyle, you’ve made a lot of people happier – you’ve inspired many – here in Neopia Central and beyond.

     LYLE: (smiling) Thank you, agent. I really appreciate that. I am… happy… for her success, and I hope she goes far. (casually) Maybe it’s having had a good time last night, maybe it’s reconnecting with an old friend, maybe it’s the universe – but I’ve come to accept that she has the limelight right now, and it’s time for me to take a step back.

     AGENT: (relieved) That’s good, I’m glad to hear that. But, with the popularity of rap music up, I’m afraid theatre is down. However, maybe we can seek some smaller roles in some smaller productions for you.

     LYLE: Er…

     Agent slides over a piece of paper to Lyle.

     Lyle picks it up and looks at it.

     LYLE: (bemusedly, disbelieving) Really, a play in which everyone is dressed as a Kadoatie?

     AGENT: (matter-of-factly) Or an Angelpuss. (sheepishly) I mean, it’s kind of crazy, and the special effects can be trash… (playfully accusatory) But you were dressed as a Lutari over the past 3 months.

     LYLE: Touché. (wary) But—

     AGENT: (resigned) Alright, yes, I know – you don’t want to do it. And that’s OK. (smiling) It’s OK, Lyle. I’ll release you from your contract a few months early.

     LYLE: (shocked, wide-eyed) But—

     AGENT: (neutrally, interrupting) But, you’re right. A – you’re not the biggest star anymore. You know that. I’m glad you know that. (smiling) I’ve taken you far, and I really should give Beebee the same attention I’ve given you.

     LYLE: (defensively) But—

     AGENT: (smiling, interrupting) But you’re right. B – I know you’ve been a bit stir crazy, wanting to spread your metaphorical wings beyond the stage for a while, now.

     Agent looks over at Morgan. Morgan attempts to hide behind a prop (e.g. a potted plant).

     AGENT: (smiling knowingly) And I see that you might have gotten the kick you needed to go about doing so.

     A pause.

     LYLE: (yearningly) But—

     AGENT: (frowning, interrupting) But, this time, you’re wrong. I’ve been meaning to tell you this for a while, but it seemed it kept being delayed – (aggravated) for Fyora’s sake, there’s been talk of it since before you were cast in Goldrun! (shrugging) When I said “smaller productions”, I meant it. (sighing) C – the Movie Theatre, and thus the playhouse, is closing down.

     Morgan gets out from her hiding spot and dashes toward them.

     LYLE and MORGAN: (dumbfounded, in chorus) …BUT—

     AGENT: (frowning, interrupting) But yes. The Theatre’s main stakeholder – eccentric and obscure billionaire patron, Chet Flash – has decided to move onto other things, subsequently requesting the Theatre be closed. Now, whether this is temporary or permanent, I haven’t a clue. (intensely) But I do know that it affects you.

     Lyle looks like he has lost something important to him.

     AGENT: (smirking good-naturedly) Good time to pivot your career, eh?

     LYLE: (distantly) Yeah, I suppose so.

     Agents stands. Lyle follows and stands as well.

     AGENT: (smiling) You’re smart. And you have good friends who’ll watch out for you no matter what you do. You’ll figure it out.

     LYLE: (appreciatively) Thanks, agent.

     AGENT: (smiling) If or when you do become ready to return to the acting world, let me know, and I’d be happy to see what I can do for you.

     Lyle hugs Agent. Agent hugs back. They release the hug.

     AGENT: (grinning) Now get out of my office before I change my mind about releasing you!

     Agent finger-guns at Lyle.

     Lyle salutes Agent.

     Lyle and Morgan exit stage right.

     Lights fade to black.

     Scene 2: NeoLodge Burger Bar

     Lyle, Morgan, and Allison are seated at a booth.

     Spotlight fades in on their booth.

     ALLISON: (grinning) Aren’t you glad I found him?

     MORGAN: (smiling) I am. Aren’t you glad I hired you and gave you my Choxolate Baar ticket?

     ALLISON: I am. (to Lyle) Aren’t you glad you inspired me to pursue bigger dreams than just following the trends?

     LYLE: I am. (to Morgan) Aren’t you glad I met you that first day I came here?

     MORGAN: I am.

     LYLE: (realization dawn) It’s like we’ve all gone full circle… As though we’re just part of some intricately contrived Neopian musical or something.

     Morgan and Allison stare at each other, then at Lyle, then break out into giggles.

     ALLISON: (smirking) Honey, you really need a break from acting.

     Waiter enters stage left. He is carrying three plates, each with a burger.

     WAITER: (grinning overexcitedly) Your burgers, friends.

     LYLE, MORGAN, and ALLISON: (in chorus) Thank you!

     Waiter exits stage right.

     MORGAN: (smirking bemusedly) I can’t believe this is our first meal together in more than a year and a half, and you wanted to go to the NeoLodge Burger Bar?

     LYLE: (sheepishly) Nostalgia?

     Morgan and Allison chuckle.

     LYLE: (nostalgic) Speaking of burgers, whatever happened to Zach?

     MORGAN: Oh, yes. (smiling, yearningly) He left Neopia Central almost a year ago, at this point.

     LYLE: (disbelieving) Aw, no way?

     MORGAN: (matter-of-factly) Yes way. He mentioned something about chasing a new dream in Tyrannia… But he wasn’t very specific. (frowning) I sent him a few NeoMails here and there near the start, but his replies were pretty delayed, and… well, life gets so busy sometimes. The last couple NeoMails I sent bounced back – full inbox – so who knows what he’s been up to. (smiling slightly) We’d probably need a Tyrannian detective to track him down.

     ALLISON: Sounds about right.

     Lyle, Morgan, and Allison start to eat their food.

     LYLE: Hey, wait a minute—

     Band plays “I Know a ‘Pet From Tyrannia” (moderate pointless showtune).

     LYLE: (sung) I know a guy who used to be

      A detective from Tyrannia!

      He then moved here, worked in the NT,

      An affable chap – an ace Pteri.

      Though I’m not sure how we could reach him,

      That former sleuth from Tyrannia!

     ALLISON: (sung) But you forget, I knew him too,

      Befriended him once I’d read his interview.

      He helped me to get a start—

      That fellow from Tyrannia—!

      A start interviewing, which led to a passion,

      Which led to a career in designing fashion.

     MORGAN: (sung) Well then I should thank him, too,

      That Pteri from Tyrannia!

      Does he have a clue, that by his feather,

      He’s one of the prime reasons that we’re together.

     ALLISON: I know his NeoMail address,

      Richard from Tyrannia!

     LYLE: (sung) Well then let’s not waste any more time,

      Let’s stop with this melody and pointless rhymes,

     MORGAN: (sung) To tell him he’s part of our circle of art!

     ALLISON: (sung) And ‘bout my new career – thank him from my heart!

     LYLE: (sung) And ask about Zach,

     LYLE and MORGAN: (sung, in chorus) So we’ll get him back,

     LYLE, MORGAN, and ALLISON: (sung, in chorus) Let’s contact that ‘pet from Tyrannia!

     Band stops.

     Lights fade to black.

     Scene 3: Neopia Central (main, winter), with some shops and Money Tree visible.

     Lyle, Morgan, and Allison are centre stage. Lyle and Morgan are wearing light winter jackets. Allison is wearing a form-fitting spring sweater dress.

     Lights fade in.

     Lyle, Morgan, and Allison look about the stage.

     ALLISON: (annoyed) Where are they? They should have been here by now. I’m cold.

     MORGAN: (smirking) I told you to dress warmer. (smiling bemusedly) I know Zach, and trust me, he’s not a guy you need to impress.

     Zach and Richard enter from stage left. Zach is dressed in a suave black jacket, and Richard in his blue suit.

     MORGAN: (excitedly) They’re here!

     Zach and Richard run up to Lyle, Morgan, and Allison. They all hug each other.

     ALLISON: (smiling) That’s a nice way to warm up.

     They all release each other.

     ALLISON: (to Richard) You really are a good detective.

     RICHARD: (grinning) I told you I’d find him! (proudly) It wasn’t that hard when you know almost everything there is to know about the land.

     LYLE: (teasingly) Sounds like you could play a good General Crustygums II.

     RICHARD: (dismissively) I’ll leave the acting to the professionals.

     Everyone chuckles.

     LYLE: (sadly) Besides, the Theatre is closing.

     ZACH: (surprised) Wait, what?

     MORGAN: (resigned) I know!

     RICHARD: (conspiratorially) I know that it’s related to the disappearance of Chet Flash from the public eye. I’ve been on that trail and looking for clues, and have started an article but—

     ZACH: (dismissively, interrupting) I think you have time, that sounds like a topic for another special issue.

     Everyone laughs.

     RICHARD: (grinning, to Zach) So, are you gonna tell ‘em how I found you?

     ZACH: Oh, sure thing. (matter-of-factly) He found me at the Concert Hall. I was all, “Who are you?” And he was all, “I know you have some friends in Neopia Central – Lyle and Morgan – you should go see ‘em, they wanna see you!” (excitedly) So yeah, I got excited, figured – what the hey! When life gives you Lyle and Morgan, make Lymanade.

     Lyle and Morgan exchange uneasy glances but then smile.

     ZACH: (grinning) I figured I could use a nice time off – especially if they’re sending over an Ace Detective Pteri to hunt me down!

     Everyone chuckles.

     ZACH: And today, a week later, we’re catching the next transport up to the big city. (warmly) And indeed, it is so good to see you again, mates!

     LYLE: (sheepishly) Really? Even me?

     ZACH: (smiling) Especially you! Last I heard you were rocketing up, then on your way down…?

     LYLE: (frowns pensively) Well… it’s a bit more nuanced than that, but—

     ZACH: (playfully) Don’t worry, I’m just playing with you. Yeah, I was upset at you for a while, after you stopped hanging with us… but over the months that followed my move to Tyrannia, I realized that it can be hard to maintain connections with people. (warmly) And I forgave you. You know, I’d meant a few times to try and track you down, but figured you were such a big star you wouldn’t even remember me. Guess I was wrong.

     LYLE: (grinning) Very wrong.

     ZACH: (to Morgan) And last you NeoMailed me, you were some rising fashion star…?

     MORGAN: (grinning) I am! I studied under Faboo for a bit, won a few design contests here and there, ventured out as my own designer, continued making a name for myself, and now even have my own apprentice!

     ALLISON: (alluringly) Hello! I’m Allison.

     ZACH: (grinning) Pleasure! I’m Zach, but I’m guessing you know this.

     MORGAN: (trying to be humble) I mean, I’m not a MEGA superstar like Faboo, or like Lyle became in the acting world, but I have a place in the industry. A comfortable place. Will I seek higher? Of course! (smiling) But even if I never get there, life goes on. I’m happy and determined, and that’s all I need right now.

     RICHARD: (nodding) Same with me. Will I ever be top NT interviewer and investigative journalist? Who knows. (shrugging) That’s my goal now, but maybe I’ll get bored of it and do something else.

     ALLISON: (nodding) Much like I did with writing – (grinning) but being a fashion article writer and designer interviewer prepped me well for my current career choice.

     MORGAN: (curiously, to Zach) So what is it you do now, anyway? I mean, your NeoMail inbox is always full!

     Zach briefly facepalms.

     ZACH: (apologetically) Oh, I’m so sorry! (smiling) I actually get a lot of fanmail and suggestion NeoMails for what I do, and I’ve been behind on my orders for the past little while, admittedly.

     LYLE: (curiously) Orders for what?

     ZACH: (proudly) Full 180, but I actually opened an upscale burger joint operating out of Tyrannian Foods!

     No one seems surprised by this.

     ZACH: (playfully scoffs) Really? Nothing?

     ALLISON: (teasingly) Even I know you love burgers, Zach.

     Everyone laughs.

     ZACH: (grinning) Anyway, yeah! It’s become fairly popular, and a lot of Tyrannians send me new food ideas – or just send me pickup orders.

     MORGAN: Nice! (curiously) But you really don’t do sound and lighting at all?

     RICHARD: (playfully accusatory) Yeah, I mean, your burgers were really good, but I did originally find you at the Concert Hall.

     ZACH: (dismissively) Alright, fine, you caught me. (smiling) It’s just once a month, but I got hired as the sound and lighting guy for Twisted Roses.

     Lyle and Morgan applaud.

     MORGAN: (happily) That has a capacity of what, more than 2000 Neopets? Sounds like you got your big show after all!

     ZACH: (sheepishly) Well, usually less than that show up, but eh, I’ll take the compliment.

     LYLE: (grinning) Well done, friend! (teasingly) Even if it is music and not theatre or musical theatre.

     ZACH: (playfully defensively) Hey, I like the Roses!

     LYLE: And there’s nothing wrong with that! You know, I had no idea you liked goth music.

     ZACH: (mystically) What can I say, I’m a man of mystery.

     ALLISON: (matter-of-factly) Hey, they’re one of my favourite bands, too.

     ZACH: And they’re much better than Beebee Draik.

     MORGAN: (whisperingly) Most artists are.

     Everyone laughs.

     ALLISON: (excitedly) How’d you get to be working for the Roses, anyway?

     ZACH: (grinning) They came into the Tyrannian Foods shop on one of my first days open – they were looking for some grub after their concert – and we got to talking. I told them I also did sound and lighting, and that piqued their interested. (shrugging) As it goes, their last tech ‘pet quit to move to Neopia Central to try and make it big doing who knows what. (smiling) But yeah, they became fast friends of mine down there. Helps stave off that loneliness.

     LYLE: (happily) That’s so good, I’m so proud of you. (smirking) I’m sure the Roses are fun to hang with.

     Allison moves close by Zach.

     ALLISON: (alluringly) Think you could get me an autograph?

     ZACH: (blushing) Er, I’ll see what I can do.

     MORGAN: (smiling) And what about you, Richard? Anything big with you?

     RICHARD: (matter-of-factly) Besides Chet Flash, I’m conducting some investigative interviews trying to determine whether the General Store proprietor’s moustache is real.

     LYLE: (contemplative) Really?

     RICHARD: (excitedly) Yeah!

     ALLISON: I’ve never wondered that before. (grinning) Sounds… neat!

     RICHARD: ‘Tis! (warmly) Anyway, what say we move this party inside? Sounds like we have more catching up to do. (teasingly) And Allison looks cold.

     ALLISON: (playfully upset) Fiiiiine.

     ZACH: Sounds good to me. (warmly) And yeah, lots of catching up before I head back!

     LYLE: (pouting) Aw, you’re heading back? When?

     ZACH: In a little more than a week – just after Valentine’s Day. (smirking) Maybe some luck will find me here before I have to go.

     RICHARD: (matter-of-factly) Isn’t luck a lot more important on Illusen Day?

     Everyone laughs.

     MORGAN: Makes sense, Zach. I’m sure you’re busy in Tyrannia, after all – (teasingly) and being here isn’t helping your order backlog any!

     Zach chuckles.

     Band vamps from “Life Goes On / Make a Change”.

     ZACH: (prose) Nope – but eh, I can take some time off. Life goes on.

     ALLISON and RICHARD: (prose, in chorus) Life goes on.

     LYLE and MORGAN: (prose, in chorus) Life goes on.

     ZACH: (prose, grinning) But that doesn’t mean I won’t be back, or that you guys can’t visit me up there!

     MORGAN: (prose) Maybe during the summer!

     ALLISON: (prose) You know, assuming no terrible pandemics sweep through here that completely wreck everyone’s life and/or travel plans for the foreseeable few years.

     Everyone laughs.

     RICHARD: (prose) But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

     MORGAN: (prose) I agree.

     LYLE: (prose, excitedly) First, let’s have a little fun here and now!

     EVERYONE: (prose, in chorus) Of course!

     Band plays “Life Goes On / Make a Change” (hopeful showtune).

     ZACH: (sung) Life goes on!

     MORGAN: (sung) Every single day.

     RICHARD: (sung) With some new obstacle in the way.

     ALLISON: (sung) Life goes on!

     LYLE: (sung) Life goes on.

     MORGAN: (sung) And we’re here tryin’ to figure out,

     ZACH: (sung) Just what it’s all about.

     RICHARD: (sung) Life goes on!

     LYLE: (sung) Chasing dreams I’ve held forever,

      Spent my last 2 years onstage.

      Now I don’t know what I’ll do

      As I move onto the next phase.

      I’ve never had this time before,

      To take a step back, think about it.

      In the universe’s plans,

      Just where will I fit?

     MORGAN: (sung) Had you asked me what I’m doin’ here,

      2 years ago, I wouldn’t know.

      Floundering around,

      Some Tale of Woe.

      But things change so fast! Before you know

      You’ll look back, wonder where the time went,

      How it moved so fast,

      Yet seemed so slow!

     RICHARD: (sung) Life goes on!

     ZACH: (sung) Take it one step at a time.

     ALLISON: (sung) Remember it’s an uphill climb.

     LYLE: (sung) Life goes on!

     ZACH: (sung) You can be who you wanna be,

      It’s part of being free!

     ALLISON: (sung) Dreams change,

      Is that really so strange?

     ZACH, ALLISON, and RICHARD: (sung, in chorus) Look no further than me!

     RICHARD: (sung) Ace detective to NT author!

     ZACH: (sung) Sound and lights man to full time cook,

     ALLISON: (sung) And I’d no clue what I would do—

      But at me now, just look!

     MORGAN: (sung) Pivots are hard, ‘L – you knew,

      But they’re worthwhile if worthwhile to

      You and you know we’ll support you,

      Help you find what you want to do.

     ALLISON: (sung, to Lyle) Be a designer,

     RICHARD: (sung, to Lyle) Or a writer,

     ZACH: (sung, to Lyle) Or a chef.

     MORGAN: (sung, bemusedly) ‘K, let’s think wider—

     ALLISON: (sung, to Lyle) Be a model,

     RICHARD: (sung, to Lyle) Learn to duel,

     ZACH: (sung, to Lyle) Open your own

      Acting school!

     (Key change)

     LYLE: (sung, warmly) Thank you friends, I ‘ppreciate

      All your suggestions – they’re all great,

      But at this time I think I must

      Take a step back, breathe, readjust.

      It’s OK that I don’t quite know where

      I’m going to. But I’m with you

      And that’s just fine for me,

      I won’t be blue!

      I know with y’all I’m s’pose to be.

      And I’ll let the universe guide me,

      Who knows to what I’ll be drawn—

      But for now, life goes on!

     Band melody becomes peppier. Band transitions to “Here I Am in Neopia Central (Reprise)”.

     ALLISON and RICHARD: (sung, in chorus) Life just goes!

     ZACH: (sung) And who can say where we’ll be—

     MORGAN: (sung) Tomorrow!

     LYLE: (sung) But that’s not cause for worry.

      Let’s make the most out of today!

      Let’s laugh and sing with joy and play!

     ZACH: (sung) Let’s feed a Kad!

     MORGAN: (sung) Donate at the Money Tree!

     RICHARD: (sung) Though I’m just glad,

     ALLISON: (sung) And filled with glee to be

     EVERYONE: (sung, in chorus) In Neopia Central with you!

      Sharing life in whate’er we do!

      It’s OK to not know where we’re

      Going from here.

      Ups and downs are part of life—

      Yet we persevere!

     LYLE: (sung) Let’s run on through the shops and streets

      And say hi to all those we meet!

     Penny, a young Korbat, flies onstage from stage left.

     PENNY: (sung) On my journey to

      Neopia’s magic elite!

     Band vamps from “Here I Am in Neopia Central (Reprise)”.

     PENNY: (prose, overexcited) Howdy!

     LYLE: (prose, smiling) First day?

     PENNY: (prose, sheepishly) Is it that obvious? Yeah, I moved here from the Haunted Woods, hoping to get some training from Kauvara. (prose, proudly) One day I’ll be the best potion maker in the whole world!

     LYLE, MORGAN, ZACH, ALLISON, and RICHARD: (prose, in chorus) Best of luck to you, little girl!

     PENNY: (prose, grinning) Thanks!

     Lyle, Morgan, Zach, Allison, and Richard wave to Penny. Penny waves back, then flies and exits stage right.

     LYLE: (spoken word) You know,

      This has been a great show,

      But that girl did remind

      Me of all of us; perhaps I’ll find

      A way to give back my wealth—

      Like to those that need a win,

      Like in my former Island tribe

      Or to those—

      Like us so

      Long ago—

      Just starting out in—

     Band transitions to “Overture (Reprise)”.

     Extras rush onstage from both directions and quickly align themselves into a formation. They sing and do a highly choreographed dance.

     EVERYONE: (sung, in chorus) Neopia Central!

      Everything happens here!

      A complex concrete jungle,

      Redefining frontier!

      Things change so fast it’s hard to guess

      What tomorrow will bring.

      So we don’t dwell, go with the flow—

      And say that’s exciting!

      When you live in a megacity

      Like this,

      Opportunity knocks

      But she’s easy to miss!

      To chase their dreams and find their lives,

      From all around ‘pets come.

      Many learn harsh realities

      And go back where they’re from.

      Though despite all its shortcomings

      Still we decide to stay—!

      And though we bash it we won’t have it

      Any other way!

      Metropolitan!

      Cosmopolitan!

      Excitement and thrills,

      You know we’re all in!

      At the very least

      We can stand together, sing—

      And hope Neopia Central

      Good things to us will bring!

     Beebee Draik flies onstage from stage right.

     Band transitions to a trap melody.

     Extras crowd around Beebee Draik and some do background dancing.

     BEEBEE DRAIK: (prose) I’m bringin’ it!

      (rapped) Whatchu thought ‘chu could escape

      Witchout hearing me – Beebee Draik!

      Well let me tell you

      I'm rollin’ through

      Every poser, every fake!

      So stand with me or stand on by,

      We takin’ this movement sky high

      I got the beats,

      You get the deets?

      Now come with me, let's fly

      (sung) Through Neopia Central

      That's where we gonna be!

      Neopia Central

      My homies and me!

      (rapped) Getting’ in serious dung

      As we get lost and have our fun!

      Shoppin’ ‘round, near and far,

      Lit at the Plaza, the Bazaar.

      But don’t forget

      Reach for the stars!

      Follow your dreams

      Learn who you are.

      Acknowledge those who

      Came before you

      If you don’t,

      You won’t get far.

      Hang with me,

      Raise your voice!

      Let’s make

      Some noise for

      Beebee Draik.

     Beebee Draik flies offstage left. The crowds of extras rush offstage after her.

     Band stops.

     Lyle, Morgan, Zach, Allison, and Richard look at each other, shrug, then face the audience.

     Band continues “Overture (Reprise)”.

     LYLE, MORGAN, ZACH, ALLISON, and RICHARD: (sung, in chorus) Here!

      Here!

      Here!

      Here!

      Here in Neopia Central!

     Lyle, Morgan, Zach, Allison, and Richard chatter with each other and exit stage right.

     Lights fade to black.

     Curtains close.

     Band stops (on a dramatic finale).

     THE END.