A Hero's Journey: Dinner for Four

     The Esophagor reared up and swiped a large claw that snagged on the robe of a fleeing Blue Acara. She screamed and tried to pull away, threads coming away tangled in sharp rocky fingers, before brandishing a wand and screaming an incantation.

     Unfortunately for Mipsy, the jet of shimmering flames simply glanced off the back of the Esophagor’s hand, and he glared at her with intense red eyes, baring his jagged fangs; a woven pack still dangled from one fang, a breath away from falling into his throat. But fortunately for her, while a Red Techo blasted a thick, crackling and sparkling mist into the monster’s face, a White Blumaroo grabbed her other wrist and dragged her forward, her shoes slipping in the muck and mud of the Goo Bog.

     “Thanks, Rohane.”

     Rohane did not answer as he ran past bare trees and slimy swamp without looking back, his gauntleted fingers closed tightly on the Acara’s wrist. A Green Eyrie flew ahead of them and pointed to a cave half-hidden by greenish-brown fronds and thorny vines next to a sluggish-looking stream.

     “Over there.” She glanced over her shoulder. “Velm, was that Celestial Hammer?”

     “A variation,” the Techo said breathlessly. “You don’t need that much power…if you’re just using it for a diversion.”

     While Mipsy, Rohane and Velm stumbled into the cave, their feet squelching in the muddy puddles and their heads and shoulders brushing against the curtain of leaves and vines, the Eyrie landed neatly in front of the entrance before taking a few steps inside so she could keep an eye on the outside world.

     “The Esophagor shouldn’t be able to reach us in here,” Talinia said, pressing a hand against the wall; her calm expression flickered into one of mild disgust and surprise when her fingers came away with splotches of grey fungus, which she flicked away. She moved to avoid fetid water dripping from stalactites overhead; the water fed a dirty puddle at her feet before trickling toward a patch of Extra Wild Orchids.

     Then, all of them immediately set to work lowering their packs and weapons, putting flint to steel over sticks and dead twigs, and spreading out bedrolls.

     “I guess we’ll be spending the night here,” said Velm, looking up from the crackling fire in the middle of the bedrolls. “And making a new plan.” He inclined his head toward Rohane.

     “Yeah, we’re not going anywhere until we figure out how to get past the Esophagor. But I don’t know what’s gotten into him lately.”

     “Maybe he’s in a bad mood now because the sun is always up in the Haunted Woods. It’s supposed to be, what, half past six in the evening, but it still looks like noon out there.” The Red Techo consulted a brass pocket watch. “Right, I know we had to throw some of our rations to the Esophagor to get away, but please tell me we still have some left.”

     He grimaced when he saw Mipsy’s crestfallen expression.

     “I…I checked our packs…we threw most of it, but he said he was still hungry.”

     “Great. Now we need a new plan, and more food.”

     “I can go hunting tonight. What do we have left?” Talinia asked, her hand hovering over her bow and her quiver of arrows.

     “What would you even hunt?” Velm spread his arms. “You’ve seen the kinds of monsters and plants that live in this bog – creatures made of slime, fungi that crawl toward you and stare at you…”

     Everyone tensed when they heard a low, sinister-sounding growl. Mipsy grinned sheepishly.

     “Sorry. Running away from a hungry Esophagor made me hungry.” The Acara held up a small packet of nuts and dried berries. “We still have these, but I can’t find any more in our packs.”

     Rohane stood up. “There’s not a lot of fruit around, but I’ve seen some that don’t…look too bad.”

     “You say they don’t look too bad, but you’re making that face.”

     “What face? I just mean, they’re a bit shriveled up, but they don’t seem to be poisonous, from what I know.”

     “Not helping,” Velm grumbled.

     “Yeah, kind of hard to believe you if you look like that,” Mipsy added.

     “Look, I’ll pick the fruit and then you be the judge!” the White Blumaroo snapped, turning away to leave the cave in high dudgeon. “And I’ll help you hunt, Talinia. You two find water – you have that water purification spell, don’t you?”

     Velm held up his hands as though surrendering. “Calm down, boss. Okay, okay, why don’t we see what we can find before we decide what we’re having for dinner tonight?”

     * * *

     “The Haunted Woods may be getting more sun than usual, but it’s probably too late to help the bog.” Rohane swept a hand toward a few trees whose roots stuck out of the soil, and which were bare except for a few dried leaves and different types of apples. He reached for a low-hanging one, before pulling away at the sight of the apple dripping green slime onto the ground, narrowly missing the tip of his boot. “Ugh, Slimy Apples.”

     “Wait,” said Talinia, “they’re probably normal apples under the slime. We can pick some and scrape the slime off. Better than the Undead Apples in the other trees, or – “

     They paused when they heard a sluggish, squelching sound, forgot about the strange apples, and remembered their weapons. Talinia fitted an arrow to her bow; the perpetual sun glinted off Rohane’s broadsword. Back-to-back, they waited as the squelching sound grew louder, coupled with the rustling of disturbed foliage and the crunch of trampled dried leaves.

     Emerging from the undergrowth were two Sentient Fungi, orange and formless and slow. Behind them was the bigger Malevolent Fungus, which was purple and dotted with orange spots, and leered at the adventurers as it reared up like a Reptillor. All three of them advanced.

     One gust of air later, Talinia soared several feet and then drew her bow in one fluid motion, striking one Sentient Fungus, which wavered long enough for Rohane to cut it down with a single slash. The Green Eyrie fired more arrows in quick succession until the other Sentient Fungus resembled a pincushion and lay unmoving in the muck, but the Malevolent Fungus was faster and darted out of range. Rohane chased after it, swinging his sword high, but it grinned terribly and dodged.

     “Don’t let it touch you!” Talinia called. “The Malevolent Fungi are poisonous!”

     As though it had heard her and decided to play with its opponents, the Malevolent Fungus hurled itself forward, forcing Rohane to parry it with his sword, leaving purple patches on the steel. The monster opened its mouth, the stench of rotten eggs and dung wafting from it, and snapped its maw shut, but it was seconds too late, fangs closing over thin air as the White Blumaroo dodged. Then, he stabbed the Malevolent Fungus before focusing on the fungus bits stuck to his sword.

     He glanced around and looked up at the gnarled trees. “We haven’t found anything else to eat besides the weird apples. Normally, I’d suggest we move a bit further from our camp, but…Talinia?”

     The Eyrie had crouched down to pull her arrows out from the Sentient Fungi – which were certainly no longer sentient. After setting her arrows aside, she pulled out her hunting knife.

     “Wait. What are you doing?”

     “The mushrooms we eat are fungi, aren’t they?” she answered in a matter-of-fact tone. “The Sentient Fungi we just fought resemble some fungi found in the caves of Terror Mountain, and from what I can see, they aren’t poisonous.”

     “Or venomous?” said Rohane skeptically, eyeing the Malevolent Fungus.

     “Or venomous. I’d like to get Velm’s thoughts on this, but in the meantime, help me get the Sentient Fungi back into the cave. I’ll just remove the parts of the Malevolent Fungus that are…”

     “Okay, okay. Should I…uh, pick some apples too?”

     * * *

     The first thing Mipsy did when the remains of the fungus monsters were lugged into the cave was scream, nearly dropping a full skin of water.

     “W-Why do you guys have that?!” Then she pointed at the Slime Apples and Bogie Berries. “And why do you have those?”

     “I know I said you be the judge, but…” Rohane sighed as he gingerly cleaned his blade with a cloth. “These were the best we could find. Unless you want me to go back and get the shriveled fruit I was talking about, or a Slime Titan – “

     Talinia immediately set to work on the fruit with her knife. “Beneath the slime, beneath the, um, bogies, these should be edible. And I already removed the poisonous parts of the Malevolent Fungus.”

     “Mipsy, don’t you eat mushrooms? These monsters are from the same family,” said Velm, spreading his arms. “I’m not surprised we couldn’t find anything else nearby, though.”

     “But mushrooms don’t…don’t get up and start chasing us around!” Mipsy wailed.

     “Yes, they did, that one time we were close to Ramtor’s lair,” said Rohane, finally sliding his sword back into its scabbard. He offered the cloth to Velm, who whispered something that dispelled the patches of Malevolent Fungus from it with an airy sort of magic.

     The Blue Acara pointed at the erstwhile Malevolent and formerly Sentient Fungi. “But they didn’t look like this!”

     “Look,” the Red Techo interrupted, “we don’t have much of a choice, do we? We’re stuck in the middle of what they call the Goo Bog, and if we want to reach Edna’s tower and get to the bottom of this Haunted Woods mystery, we have to pass by – and fight – the Esophagor. And the Esophagor ate most of our rations, remember?”

     “Don’t remind me.”

     Talinia held up an apple. Mipsy recoiled – and then belatedly noticed that it was red, and not sickly, gross, dripping green. Then, Talinia sliced it in half and sniffed the pieces. “I was right. They’re normal under all the slime. The same must be true for the Bogie Berries.”

     Mipsy recoiled again at the last two words.

     “What do we do with the fungi, then?” Rohane asked.

     Turning to Velm, the Green Eyrie asked, “What oils and spices do you still have in your healer’s bag?”

     “Oh, hmm, still have a bit of olive oil in here, basil, oregano, dried garlic…most of what I brought from the Lost Desert…” He glanced up from his bag. “Are you going to fry them?”

     “I had been thinking of a stew or something like that, but I wasn’t sure if we had enough ingredients.”

     “Frying is a good start, maybe we could dry out the leftovers and carry them with us like jerky,” said Rohane, who had begun scraping the bogies off the Bogie Berries.

     Grimacing, Mipsy stared at all of them.

     “You can’t be serious. I’m not eating any of that!” Her words were punctuated by a loud growl from her stomach, and she clutched it, blushing.

     * * *

     “I can’t believe we’re eating this,” Mipsy said miserably, staring at the pan over their bonfire. The fungi had been cut into strips and were sizzling merrily in oil and spices.

     “Just imagine we’re eating those fried vegetables from the last tavern we were at,” Talinia answered, turning the strips over. “And if you’re already hungry, you can have some of the apples or berries.”

     “Mmmm.” The Acara pouted as she stared at the fruit, which no longer looked anything like the Slime Apples or the Bogie Berries. Finally, she reached out and popped a berry into her mouth, shutting her eyes as she chewed.

     “If it makes you feel better,” said Velm, “I sampled those and confirmed what Talinia said. They’re completely normal.”

     Mipsy paused, and admitted, “Yeah, I guess it doesn’t taste…bad.”

     “You Meridellians probably have higher standards for fruit and vegetables,” the Techo commented.

     “This isn’t the time to have high standards, we have nothing else to eat while we plan our battle with the Esophagor,” said Rohane. “Talinia, is the…fungi ready? It smells really good, I just don’t know what to call them. Fritters? Fried fungus strips?”

     Talinia smiled proudly. “It is. And like you said, I’ve kept some of it to dry into jerky. Think of it like vegan jerky. Anyway, dinner’s ready.”

     Narrowing her eyes, the Blue Acara peered at the pan as it was taken from the fire, fork clutched in her hand.

     “It…doesn’t look like the Sentient or Malevolent Fungi anymore, at least,” she muttered, spearing one strip onto her plate. “And you’re all right – we don’t have a choice. Oh well.” With that, she took a deep breath, cut a piece, and ate it. “W-Why’s everyone looking at me?”

     “What do you think?” the Green Eyrie asked curiously. “I think I used a bit more garlic than I wanted.”

     “I wonder if Edna has any spare garlic lying around her tower,” said Velm as he helped himself to the pan. “Well, we can ask her after we’ve asked her about the sun stuck in the sky.”

     “Mipsy, think of it this way. We’re not going to stay in this swamp forever. Which means we’re not going to eat Sentient Fungi or Malevolent Fungi everyday, or always have to scrape slime off our fruit.”

     “Wow, Rohane, you really sounded smart right there.”

     “Hey! What are you trying to say?”

     With half her fried fungus strip gone from her plate, Mipsy looked at all of them in surprise before managing a small smile at Talinia. “It’s…good. Thanks. I should’ve known better than to doubt your cooking.”

     “Heh, you’re welcome. I’m glad you liked it.”

     “See? You were worried for nothing!” Velm exclaimed, gesturing with a forkful of Bogie-less Berry.

     “Anyone would’ve been worried about having to eat some weird monster for dinner!” the Acara cried. “Weren’t you?”

     Talinia shrugged. “Not really. As a hunter, I’m used to doing this.”

     “And I’ve had to live off the land in the Lost Desert a lot,” said Velm, popping another berry into his mouth.

     “Father taught me and Reuben the basics of hunting and gathering,” Rohane added. “Besides, it’s either we make do with what we can find…or starve and be in worse shape than when we first approached the Esophagor. You’ve been traveling with me for a long time – aren’t you used to this by now?”

     “Just because I’m used to it doesn’t mean I have to like it,” Mipsy grumbled. “But yeah, can you pass me another piece of Sentient Fungus?”

          The End.