Become an Overnight Billionaire (Totally NOT a Scam)

     Step 1: SELL IT ALL! (Yes, even your dignity)

      Come on, let’s be serious for a minute. It takes money to make money. Everyone knows that. So let’s get those initial investment funds rolling! Those petpets you’ve been lovingly rescuing? Sell them. Your plushie gallery that you’ve been meticulously building for years? Gone. Oh, and stamps? Please. Who even uses the post office these days? You should be left with an empty inventory, a clean safety deposit box, and a soul that is wide open to receiving those sweet, sweet Neopoints. For maximum dramatic effect here, you need to head over to the nearest Neoboard and announce your decision loudly and emotionally. You need people to feel your desperation as you sell off all of your prized possessions. This will earn you the sympathy of potential impulse buyers and hoarders who are attracted by the wail of those suffering.

     Step 2: Invest in the Obscure

      You didn’t think we were going to do something reasonable like invest all of that in the stock market, did you? Forget making patient, sensible decisions! We are chasing chaos here. You’re going to take every Neopoint that you have and dump them into an untapped market. My personal recommendation? Smelly Dung Muffins. Buy every single one that you can smell…err, find. Every single one. Could you choose something less disgusting? Sure! But trust me when I say that there is a method to this madness. This will either make you the worst bakery owner in Neopia or a market legend. If you want to speed up the process here, you’re going to want to start a wild rumor that these muffins are prized by Illusen herself. Insist that they will be the next big collector’s item. No one will question this, and if they do, stand your ground confidently while explaining that the market is unpredictable. No one is bold enough to question this sound economic guidance, and soon you’ll have them all lining up to get in on the ground floor of the muffin madness.

     Step 3: Bribe a Kadoatie

      It’s no secret that Kadoaties control the gourmet food economy in Neopia and have connections everywhere. Their influence is unparalleled, and getting one on your side is crucial here. No one understands supply and demand like these spoiled felines. You’re going to want to sneak into the Kadoatery late at night with a basket full of overpriced delicacies and whisper your financial dreams to the hungriest one you can find. You might end up with a blessing of incredible luck, or you might leave cursed with lifelong bad karma. Kadoaties are very temperamental. Also, they may just screech loud enough to alert everyone in the Plaza. If you get caught, just insist that you were checking on their well-being. Will they believe you? Absolutely not, but we’ll deal with that later.

     Step 4: Host an Epic Game of Cheat!

      This is easily the best advice I can give you. Nothing will land you instant riches like hustling a supervillain. Leave flyers all over Neopia, challenging Dr. Sloth to meet you at the card table for a high-stakes game. I know what you’re thinking. He’s an evil genius, won’t he see right through this ploy? Perhaps, but you have pure, reckless courage on your side! This is the time to bet everything that you have. Distract him with grand tales of how you plan to spend your inevitable fortune, and make sure to have a few cards up your sleeve to ensure your success. Oh, and if he catches you, be prepared to live your life on the run from an intergalactic dictator. Is it worth the risk? Absolutely! Desperate times call for desperate measures, my friend. This is no time to let a silly thing like consequences slow you down. If you lose, be sure to name-drop Fyora and how it was all her idea. He will forget all about your debt in his quest for vengeance.

     Step 5: Realize None of This Works

      Wow, what a wild ride we’ve been on here. After you’ve attempted all of the above steps, you’ll most likely find your pockets emptier than when you started. You will also be banned from several Neoboards and permanently blacklisted at the Kadoatery. But never fear! There’s still one last, absolutely foolproof method for making Neopoints. You just need to actually play the game. I know, gross. Do your quests, don’t forget your dailies, and engage in responsible trading. You might even stop by and place some calculated bets at the Food Club! Sounds fake, I know. Just trust me here. It’s not as exciting this way, but hey, at least you won’t be on an international hit list. It’s all about the small victories, really. Look on the bright side. If all else fails, you can always start this cycle again by writing your own “Get Rich Quick” guide. Someone is bound to fall for it.

     You’re Welcome!

      Congratulations! You are now, probably not, a Neopian billionaire! If this guide worked for you, please share it with your closest friends so that they, too, can reap the benefits of this method. If not, well, at least you had a good laugh before spending the next three years sobbing at the Money Tree while begging for expired Neocola and rotten berries. Good luck, you’re going to need it. Happy April Fool’s Day!