Bashing Kass Basher

     As one of the Blumaroos who came up with the game in the first place, I feel I am entitled to at the least vent out some of my pet peeves about Kass Basher. So bear with me, please!

     Of course, I'm sure all of you know the game I'm talking about--who hasn't had the urge to give that Kass the kicking he deserves?

     But kicking can only get you so far. Which is why when we designed the game, we decided to use bats instead--makeshift ones (a loaf of bread or a stick) for beginners--so that you can send that Kass puppet far, far away. And that brings me to my first pet peeve:

     Rant 1. When I have to work my way through the bread and stick ALL OVER AGAIN to reach the bat.

     Oh, how annoying it is when you inevitably have to clean the ground because it is so pockmarked with the previous distance markers. I swear, one of these days I am going to get so hungry waiting for that Kass to fall down so slowly that I'll end up eating the bread instead! (And hopefully not chewing on the stick.)

     Rant 2. When I see that poor Turtum's face dejected.

      Honestly, one cannot express one's disappointment nearly as perfectly as that little petpet can. The way it trudges along the path to stick the distance marker into the ground so miserably, with such a despondent look on its face, I feel such shame when I cannot live up to its expectations.

     Rant 3(a). When I have to wait AGES for the wind speed to go up.

      I am sort of a perfectionist, so I make it a point to not hit the Kass puppet unless the wind is exactly at 9m/sec. Not even 8 would do for me. Which, of course, means that sometimes I have to wait so long for the wind that I begin wishing I had the bread bat instead, because I start getting hungry again.

     Rant 3(b). When I hit the Kass puppet by mistake.

      A Neopet can only be patient for so long. When the wind is adamantly hovering between the 1s and 2s, with no intention of rising, I sometimes just let the Kass fall down to start afresh, hoping maybe the wind would behave better the next time. When I do this, I have a mental game that I play within my head, where I keep swinging my bat in the air until the Kass puppet reaches the ground, counting the number of swings as I do so (my personal best so far has been 5 swings, by the way; care to try and beat me?). At times, I hit the Kass by mistake, and it ends up flying with a measly 3m/sec wind. (For example, I mean; there has been many a time when it has been in the negatives. See next item on this list.) Cue the dejected Turtum again.

     Rant 3(c). When the wind meter is out there just to troll me.

      Honestly, I'm beginning to think that the wind meter has a mind of its own. There are times when I swear it would have been a 9m/sec wind, and I'd hit the Kass as hard as I can. It would turn out, though, that it had been MINUS 9m/sec, and the puppet would have the nerve to come flying back towards me, more than once nipping my ear with its beak as it landed behind me.

     Rant 3(d). When the wind meter is just plain cruel.

      All right, I've checked, double-checked, even triple checked that the wind is at PLUS 9m/sec and let the Kass puppet fall down, ready to hit it. In the fraction of a second, before the Kass begins its descent, the wind goes down to 8m/sec. Wow. Really, wind? You're just out there to personally attack me, aren't you? I end up having my "revenge" by letting the puppet fall to the ground . . . even if it means seeing that poor little Turtum's dejected face.

     Rant 3(e). Same as above, with addendum.

      When I end up not having my revenge because I inadvertently hit the Kass instead. Just imagine, letting that evil little puppet fly at anything other than a 9m/sec wind. Oh, the horror! The stuff of nightmares, I tell you.

     Rant 4. When I am just plain dumb.

      They say that the most intelligent people admit their stupidity, so here's me doing just that: The wind would be at a perfect 9m/sec (positive, not negative), the Kass would be falling down like it should, ready to get bashed to a thousand metres away--and I'd just miss the stupid thing. Just miss it. Like the idiot that I am. Again, I wish I'd be having the bread bat at times like these, because most of the time I'd hit the ground with my bat in frustration, and all too often miss again and hit my own toe instead.

     Rant 5. When the tree graces its presence as a bat.

      Honestly, getting the tree as a bat is more bane than boon. Since the chances of it happening are quite literally 1 in 10,000, it is of course unexpected when it actually happens. However, what is more unexpected is the speed at which the darn puppet comes falling down. You take so much pain literally to use the tree to swing, you expect to at least see the puppet go farther away than usual. But alas, the Kass falls so quickly to the ground that you almost always miss. I am so frightfully sorry, my dear Turtum.

     All things said, I have to admit one thing: It is just so incredibly satisfying when all things are ticked: The wind is at a perfect 9m/sec, I can hit the Kass at just the right moment, and the Kass puppet lands far away, nearing the 1,200-metre mark. With the bat, of course. I have still not had the good fortune to hit the Kass with the tree . . . yet.