How To Deal With Faerie Obsessing Syndrome

FAERIELAND - I recently visited the Hidden Tower, whose location will remain a secret. While I was looking around at all the new merchandise, something hit me, in my head. No, it was not a bowling ball, contrary to popular myth. It was an idea; yes I had an important thought. It suddenly occurred to me that I was obsessed with Faeries.

I started collecting faerie items about a year and a half ago. Like all other Faerie attics, I own all the erasers, pens, and pencils. I have the paint brush and I love my dolls. (Note: the author does not share Faerie items; she is far too greedy for that!) Anyway, on to the point of the article; I am an attic who decided to seek help.

Where does one go for help when they have an obsession? I guess it depends on the obsession, but if you are obsessed with Faeries, as much as I am, then you should join my group: Faerie Lovers Anonymous, otherwise known as FLA. FLA is filled with people who know far too much about Faerieland for their own good. We sit around in a circle and tell each other new and exiting ideas about what the Neopets Team should do to Faerieland so that it will be the best land in all the Neo-world. Then we look at pictures of our hero, which is none other than the Faerie Queen herself.

Are you FLA material? Well, take this twelve question quiz to find out.

1. Do you own more than ten faerie dolls?

2. Do you visit the Healing Springs more than fifteen times a day?

3. Is your Neohome only filled with faerie furniture? Is it located in Faerieland?

4. Do you do the faerie crossword everyday?

5. Do you have the math’s nightmare avatar?

6. Have you colored any of the faerie coloring pages yet? Were you planning to?

7. Does your neopet only eat certified faerie foods?

8. Do you play the Wheel of Excitement every two hours on the dot?

9. Do you own two of every kind of faerie petpet?

10. Is your score on Faerie Cloud Racers above 650?

11. Are two of your pets painted faerie? Do you own a faerie Ixi?

12. Is the Hidden Tower the only shop that purchase items from?

If you answered yes to eight or more of the questions above, then you are a faerie addict. While there is still no known cure for Faerie Obsessing Syndrome, commonly known as FOS, there is plenty you can do to become less obsessive. I am currently involved in a twelve step program to get over my faerie obsessive-ness. I will share with you the twelve steps that my program suggests for an effective result.

1. Limit how much money you spend in Faerieland- Shopping in Faerieland can get expensive. After visiting all the shops and hidden locations, you could have spent at least a couple million Neopoints. The program suggests that you count up how much you are spending in Faerieland and divide it by ten. Basically, you should be spending one tenth of what you usually spend. If you are spending two million there on one shopping trip, you should now only spend two hundred thousand. Math may not be your best subject, so grab a calculator and divide it on there (don’t feel embarrassed- I just used a calculator to divide that). Spending less will mean that you are now purchasing things from other places than Faerieland. That is not only healthy for you, but it is also healthy for the other land’s economies. You are such a great person now.

2. Forbid yourself from going into the Hidden Tower- Yes, I know it is hard, but once you have saved all that money from the step above, you will have no need to buy over priced items from a place you can’t find (“hidden” get it? hahaha – lame joke—moving on). Don’t go in there, because you don’t want to temp yourself into buying an expensive rainbow colored pile of dung or another doll that you won’t let your neopet play with. Just let it and go and don’t go near there.

3. Don’t go into the Faerie Petpet Shop- We have already discovered from the quiz above that you own two of each kind of faerie petpet, so don’t buy any more. Try going somewhere else to fulfill your petpet needs.

Do they sell petpets anywhere else? Of course they do, you just have to know where to look. For instance in Mystery Island they have the Rock Pool where you can buy cute non-flying little petpets. Don’t you want a petpet that swims? Or on Krawk Island they have a place called Little Nippers, you should look there. Don’t you want a little buddy that says “Arrr..” all the time. Those Pirakeets are so cute, get one of those.

4. Don’t ever paint any of your pets faerie again- Once you get your little pet Pirakeet you might want to paint it a color. You are NOT aloud to paint it faerie. I don’t even know if you can paint it faerie, but if you can DON’T!! This is a crucial part of the program. You are no longer aloud to paint any pets, petpets, or petpetpets (Note: you might be able to paint them in the future, which is why I included them in this list) faerie. I don’t want you really even going near a Faerie Paint Brush, unless you want to give it to me. Hehe. I can try right?

What other paint brushes are there to use? Plenty. Here is a list of all the paint brushes that are out there and calling your name: Purple, White, Red, Yellow, Green, Blue, Rainbow, Silver, Glowing, Striped, Shadow, Split, Invisible, Cloud, Disco, Electric, Sketchy, Speckled, Fire, Skunk, Starry, Christmas, Strawberry, Spotted, Checkered, Halloween, Golden, Lost Desert, Brown, Tyrannian, Baby, Pirate, Mystery Island, Pink, Orange, Ghost, Plushie, Darigan, Usuki, Snow, Maraquan, Royal, and Grey. (Excluded: Glass and Stone- no longer usable; faerie- YOUR NOT ALOUD TO USE IT!!! Do I make myself clear? Good.) See all of those options? Take a moment to count all of them. OK, the moment’s over- there are 43 different paint brushes that you can use besides faerie.

Oh ya, on that note: if one of your Neopets is painted Faerie, you’ll need to paint it a different color. The list above should give you plenty of options as to what color you should paint your pet. Don’t know what color you pet can be painted? Check the rainbow pool; it will list all the paint brushes you can use on your pet.

5. Don’t play any of the Faerieland games- this includes Poogle Racing, Math’s Nightmare, Faerie Cloud Racers, Wheel of Excitement, Jhudora's Cloud, and the Faerie Crossword Puzzle. We will let the quests slide, because they are random and there is no way to prevent them from happening. If you are an addict of the games, just slowly pull yourself away from playing them. Play them half as much today, and tomorrow a fourth as much, and so on until it mathematically makes sense that you stop playing all together (considering that you can not play 1/64th of a game).

What other games can I play then? There is a full list of them in the games room; they are even split up into three different categories for your convenience. Go check out some other games that you have never played before. You might find one that you really like. Just do yourself a favor and don’t become addicted (I don’t know of any game oriented twelve step programs).

6. Throw away the fake wings that you made- I have tried in the past to fly like the faeries, but have only landed on my face, and my bottom. It’s impossible to fly like a faerie, so do yourself a favor and don’t waste anymore cardboard and string for silly purposes.

7. Empty out your Neohome of all faerie related objects- This means that you will be holding a huge “close-out” sale for all the faerie furniture in your shop. (You might want to advertise that- just a thought. Let me know if you have any good deals!). This might be hard for you to do, but think about all the wonderful possibilities. It means that you will have loads of Neopoints from the sale and a chance to redecorate your entire house.

But my house is still a floating cloud! Yes, that does present a problem. Since you can not move your Neohome (as of yet, hopefully we’ll be able to move in the future TNT ***hint-hint***) you will just have to pretend that your Neohome is either an A) huge marshmallow, B) a cloud located above Faerieland, or C) that your house really is on the ground- its carpet is made up of huge purple tinted cotton balls. If you can convince yourself that any of those options above are true, then you are good to go. If not, then try convincing yourself harder.

8. Make your pets unemployed- Since the employment agency is located in Faerieland, your pets are no longer aloud to earn a living. I know that your pets need to learn responsibility in the work force, but you just can’t compromise yourself by visiting Faerieland. When Neoschools are eventually released you can send them there to learn about all the important stuff.

9. Empty out your SDB of all faerie items- Yet again we run into another crucial but o-so difficult step. You already rid yourself of everything in your Neohome, so emptying your Safety Deposit Box should be a piece of cake. Yet again you are going to make mega bucks by doing this. You can thank me later!!

What am I going to do with all the money I am making if I can’t go into the Hidden Tower? Good question. You know all those paint brushes that we talked about earlier; some of them are pretty pricey. In order to pay the most you can for a paint brush- I recommend the Darigan, Usuki, Maraquan, Royal, or Grey paint brushes. If you don’t like those, then why not buy a couple sets of the Laboratory Maps and zap all your pets and all your friends’ pets. Sharing is always fun!! If you don’t have a Neofriend to share with, then just Neomail me- I’ll be your friend.

10. Throw away all of the faerie coloring pages that you have printed off and colored in- If you have pictures in your room that remind you of Faerieland then you will want to visit there, and that is just not an option. I want to help you overcome your problem. A true sign that you are over obsessive is that you have actually colored in the coloring pages. Don’t be over obsessive, throw away the pictures. Or to feel better about wasting paper (poor trees), you can burn the paper and produce a nice warm heat (grab a blanket, a good book, and sit in front of the fire for a comfortable relaxing treat. Don’t forget about smores and hot cocoa!!)

11. Only visit the Healing Springs for emergencies- If your pet has Neopox and you can’t afford to buy the cure, then go to the Healing Springs. But you are only aloud to visit it when your pet is really sick. You can’t use the old “my pet is dying” excuse on me because, as everyone knows, Neopets don’t die. Only go to the Healing Springs when your pet comes down with a disease- and that’s it!!

12. And lastly, change your avatar to something that is not faerie related- Here is a list of avatars you are NOT aloud to use because they are Faerieland related or have a faerie pet/ petpet on them: Lab Ray, Space Faerie, It’s Alive, Fallen, Faerie Grundo, Kind, Math’s Nightmare, Faerie Queen Doll, Pant Devil, Hidden Tower (Faerie Queen is the front), Jhudora Day, Illusen Day, Fire Faerie, Free Jhuidah, Mystery Island Plot, Wheel of Excitement, Illusen's Quest, and finally Jhudora's Quest. That is eighteen avatars you can not use out of the 163 available ones so far (as of Sept 14, 2004). This means that 145 avatars, 89% of all avatars, are still at your disposal. There are plenty to choose from. Go shopping for avatars, find one you like, and get it!!

Like I said before, there is no cure for FOS, Faerie Obsessing Syndrome, but there is help if you seek it. If you obey those twelve steps then you will become a normal Neopian again. I think you will be happier spending your time not obsessing over faeries.

If you really want to spend time with faeries, that are not in Faerieland, then visit Illusen every now and then. I am sure she would be happy to see you. You could also visit Jhuidah, bring her a recipe and she will be your friend for life.

If you are still having problems even after following the twelve steps-then come and hang out with me and my pals at FLA (Faerie Lovers Anonymous). I have been a member of the one year long group for 2 years now. And Tom has been there since Neopets started back in 1999 (my thirteenth birthday- Nov. 15.). He had tried the program over and over, don’t be like him- please at least try to succeed.

Anyway, I hope that you succeed in the twelve steps and have a wonderful life free of faerie obsessive-Ness

About the author: She made up the club FLA and the disease FOS, but if you really do need faerie help- Neomail her and she will try to help you. She appreciates all comments, opinions, and constructive criticisms.