Through Taters, Cheese, and a Rather Mad Cheese Shop

Disclaimer: No meepits, feepits, cheeses or potatoes were harmed in the writing of this article.

A Lupe howls... a moan is heard throughout the night... it is the beginning of the most feared, the most dreadful, the most horrible practice in all of Neopia....

MEEPIT VS. FEEPIT!!!

Now you probably wonder why you should want to take the time (in other words, waste it) to read this rather long article. Well, just do it; I have attack meepits waiting backstage.

It all started for me when I took my little Peophin and her walein to the petpet lab ray. Would the little petpet become a faerie gallion, would he suddenly become stronger, or would he quite simply not be changed at all? We crouched down and peered through the small opening as that mad little kookith switched on the ray... lights flashed, achyfi cans rattled upon the machine, AND! QUITE SUDDENLY!

I was looking at a jelly meepit.

Quite adorable. Not scary. Not the tiniest bit frightening. Not even a smidgen. My Peophin started to gush with joy, cradling her new petpet in her arms, taking care not to squish the tiny creature into oblivion. I meditated upon this touching scene and felt my heart begin to melt. Meepits weren't so bad after all. And they probably didn't hate feepits like everyone said, they---- WAIT! FEEPITS???

My mouth dropped. One of my other pets was a snow Bori who had begged for a feepit for months. In a sudden wave of weakness, I relented and he had been the proud owner of "Bakka" the feepit for almost a year. And here I was, about to bring home a meepit.

There was only one thing to do. I set out for the fabled Games Room to find the truth about the two enemy petpets. Was it all a hoax? Was it the darn truth? Or, dare I think it, was it a chance for me to get an article published in the Neopian Times? Filled with fresh resolve, I set out to the Games Room. Starting from my home in Meridell, I started towards the Cheeseroller Game. Maybe the host would be able to tell me something....

Me: Sir, can you tell me the way to the Games Room?

Weird Cheeseroller Techo Guy: *BURP* We had some, but I ate it.

Me: Er, I see... do you know anyone that would know where to find it? Or anyone that would know about meepits?

Weird Cheeseroller Techo Guy: Look, are you wasting my time?

Me: What? Umm, not intentionally.

Weird Cheeseroller Techo Guy: I think it's a bit runnier than you'll like it, madam.

Well, that was certainly enlightening. Not. I left that crazy techo and started back down the road. Since I'm in Meridell, I might as well ask Sinsi the Ixi. She'd probably know.

Me: Say, Sinsi, can you tell me how to get to the Games Room?

Sinsi: If all the symbols are the same as the one above the word GOAL, you win!

Me: Is that so? Now about the Games Room...

Sinsi: I'm hungry!

Me: ...

Sinsi: You win!

Honestly, I was starting to wonder if there was something in all those potatoes that they eat. On to King Skarl! He may be grumpy, but he might be able to give me something to work with. He is a king after all. A fat, obnoxious, loud king. But you never heard that from me.

Me: Your Highness! I was wondering if you could give me directions to the Game Room. I'm trying to find some information about the meepit/feepit controversy, and---

Skarl: *heh* That was a pretty good joke! I'd give it a 644 out of 1000. Here, have a little something from my kitchen. I hope you like it.

Me: Gee, a tasty turnip tartar... thanks. But what about the Games Room?

**maniacal voice from above**: You can try once per day. Please do not create multiple accounts in order...

I didn't wait to hear the rest of the message. The sun was getting low in the sky. I'd have to finish this up quickly. I ran to Brightvale (luckily it was right next door) and tried to seek out King Hagan. He's probably a lot wiser than his brother, right?

Me: King Hagan, I have traveled the length and breadth of the land to find the answer to the most peculiar riddle of all time. Please, can you help me find the way to the Games Room?

King Hagan: Well you're not the sharpest tack in the drawer, but that wasn't too bad. I give you a B! (635 out of 1000). Here is something to help you study.

Me: Er... thank you. And I'll sure enjoy reading, um, Brightvale Maps.

As I pondered the part about the sharpest tack in the drawer, I slowly meandered back to my small neohome in Meridell. As I started up the front steps, it hit me. I STILL hadn't found out the secret about meepits and feepits! What was I going to do???

Bracing myself for the carnage that surely awaited me within, I pushed open the door and strode into my kitchen, where I found...

A snow Bori and a small Peophin, laughing at a jelly meepit and blue feepit who were chasing a clockwork wocky around the room and clearly having the time of their lives. I watched in astonishment as the two petpets trotted over to their owners and curled up together on the rug.

Wait a minute! What about all this hatred between them? That was all just a rumor, a hoax, an insignificant slice of unverified gossip???

Oh well. If I couldn't crack the case of Meepit vs. Feepit, then that was that! It couldn't be done.

Now about those potatoes... that is a story just waiting to be busted wide open, my friends.

Author's note: If you are reading this I have been published in the Neopian Times! I love feedback, so don't hesitate to neomail me and tell me it stinks. I won't mind. Much. And don't forget, "We never sell that cheese on a Thursday."