Why Do We Kiss Mortogs?

Why in the world do we like to kiss Mortogs?

Well, as soon as it passed my mind, I had to find out. Personally I have not yet played the game, and I wonder why people love to do it so much. I mean, if you kiss the wrong Mortog, the Mortog explodes, and your face is full of muck. Sorry, dear reader, if you are a Mortog-kisser, but I am destined to find out the truth behind the strange trend!

This is Wilbur, one of the many Mortogs that get kissed every day by thousands of Neopians. I’m going to get this froglike guy a chance to tell me what he thinks of the funny habit.

Me: Wilbur, what do you think of this strange activity of kissing Mortogs?

Wilbur: Well, it has its advantages. There are lots of really nice looking girls in Neopia and-

Me: Um, let’s stay away from the details like that, Wilbur! So, anyway, what if any old person comes up to you and plants a kiss on your head?

Wilbur: I don’t approve of that kind of stuff at all! I mean, what if Lord Kass wanted to play “Kiss the Mortog”? Gross!

Me: I see what you mean. But do you like your job?

Wilbur: You call it a job? All I get to do is sit still and smile like I just feasted with King Skarl! Oh, and here’s a secret. Do you know why I have a funny little blue mane?

Me: Why?

Wilbur: Hee hee. That’s where I have been kissed all these years. I grow icky blue hair wherever I’m kissed! Isn’t that gross?

Me: Wait, hold on a second! I thought that magical Mortogs turned into a prince or princess after they’re kissed!

Wilbur: True, true. But somehow I always manage to turn back into a Mortog again. Most Mortogs do. Weird, huh?

Me: Very strange! So, uh, does being a Mortog pay off? Is it worthwhile?

Wilbur: You could say that. My buddies and I are paid 300 NP an hour. Even though it’s kind of a strange job, by 24 hours I’ve made um, uh, ah… a lot of NP! Heh, I’m not good with math…

Me: It sounds to me like you enjoy being a Mortog prince, Wilbur!

Wilbur: That’s right, korbatcutie14! Being a Mortog rocks this world! I may be an icky green froglike creature with fins for ears, speckles on my legs, and a blue mane, but I’m proud of who I am, even if I’m not a prized Mortog! I’m still cool!

Me: Well, it’s great to have self-confidence. I just imagine that it’s hard to have it with such a non-appealing look. How do you strengthen your air of confidence?

Wilbur: Ya know what? Even though the saying is really cheesy and overused, it’s right. It’s the stuff on the inside that counts. I’ve actually grown to love my blue locks! I also know that we Mortogs really are somethin’ valuable, no matter what some Slorg-faced weirdo says!

Me: That is some true self-respect that we all wish we had, isn’t it, people?

Wilbur: It’s not that hard. Just crown yourself king or queen of your own self-compliments. If you’re on the chubby side and Joe makes a wisecrack remark, tell him that he’s just jealous of your slippery bod. Hah! It’s probably gonna blow his mind!

Me: I suppose it would. Now, tell me this, Wilbur. Are Mortogs endangered creatures?

Wilbur: Nah.

Me: Okay. Well, um, why do you think Neopians kiss Mortogs?

Wilbur: Could it be more obvious? For NP! Duh! People will go to any length for money. Even if it means the good ol’ goo-in-the-face treatment! It’s really funny to watch.

Me: While we’re talking about this, how do you feel when a Mortog explodes?

Wilbur: Of course I feel bad. I mean, it’s like seeing one of your kind explode! I thought at first it was savagery. But I realized that they didn’t really die. Somehow, they regain their old shape in a matter of hours! I learned this when Bill, my bud, exploded. He was back on his feet in two hours! Funny!

Me: Oh. I didn’t know that!

Wilbur: Well, of course you didn’t.

Me: Um, why is that?

Wilbur: See, Mortogs are highly intelligent beings that know much much more than the average Neopian. So ha!

Me: (Hands on hips) Well, excuse me, but I don’t think that is true!

Wilbur: Ya think not?

Me: No way, Jose!

Wilbur: Well that stinks, doesn’t it? That you don’t believe the smartest being in the worlds of Neopia?

Me: Ha! Smartest? Not a chance!

Wilbur: Oh darn it. Why don’t you believe me, korbatcutie14?

Me: Cause it’s not true!

Wilbur: Prove it!

Me: Aargh!

Well, everything went relatively well. I really found out a lot of interesting stuff, and most of the questions I asked were answered. But the question still remains: which is smarter, a Mortog or a Neopian? Oh, er, I mean, why do people kiss Mortogs? It might be that we want to earn NP, as Wilbur says. Or, maybe you are a Mortog-kisser and already know. Hmm, I guess us non-kissers will just remain with the thought that it’s weird and the people who do it are just as strange. Yep, weird as it is, I guess we can’t stop them from doing it. The habit may even be fun, who knows for sure? Personally, it’s dee-skust-ing! But I guess they must have a good reason. The rest is up to you to decide, dear reader!