An Interview with Balthazar

Ahem. Without further ado, I present you with my interview with Balthazar!

"Hello, Balthazar." I start off the interview with a friendly greeting. "Thank you so much again for meeting here with me today. There's a lot Neopia would like to know about you!"

"It's really no trouble at all," he rumbles in response. "Three lovely little fire faeries for me. It's so funny to watch them try and esca-"

"Righty then," I interrupt. "Let's get started with the questions. I mostly want to focus on how Neopia portrays you throughout culture and in stories, and how you feel about them. I think one of the places that makes you well-known is the games Extreme Herder and Extreme Herder II. You are portrayed as a hungry Lupe wanting to eat innocent Petpets and, if the herder gets too close tour mouth, a Kacheek as well. How accurate is that portrayal?" I asked, glancing up at him through my glasses.

He settled back in his seat, and cleared his throat. "It is a shame that those games are where I'm most known from, because it simply isn't the truth. I certainly do not eat live petpets, or Kacheeks. I do admit, I enjoy delicacies such as Blumaroo Steak and Snorkle Snout, but those are expertly prepared and enjoyed by lots of Neopians."

I nodded in agreement, even though I had never eaten either myself. "So you don't eat other Pets or Petpets at all?" I asked again for more clarification. I didn't want anything to be foggy.

"Ahh..." He closed his eyes and leaned back a bit. "I suppose I can't say that for Chias."

I swallowed, and reminded myself this was Balthazar, and even more, a Lupe. "Right. Have you ever played one of these games?" I moved onto the next question.

"Once, but I didn't get to play as myself, so I really saw no point. Now, if there was a game where we got to play as myself, and we had to eat as many Petpets as we could before that pesky herder saved them all... That would be a fun game and I probably would play it all the time."

I couldn't help but laugh at the idea of it. "I'm sure other Neopians would agree with you," I assured him, after seeing his puzzling look. "There are some items throughout Neopia that have you depicted on them. Which one is your favorite?"

Balthazar had no hesitation before answering: "'Balthazar the Bounty Hunter.'" He spoke clearly. "It's a holographic card, with the perfect picture of me on it, along with an accurate description. Not very many things that are published about me nowadays are accurate. Which is another reason why I agreed to this interview, by the way. Anyway, it's also a very rare card, and therefore expensive. It makes me quite happy to see that something that has me on it is expensive." He gave me a toothy grin.

I smiled and nodded. "I totally understand what you mean. Do you own one of these cards?"

One of his claws pointed to the wall. My gaze followed and saw there, in a well-kept frame, was said card. I smiled and looked back to Balthazar. "That's quite an item. How much did it cost you?"

"Enough," he answered, gruff, but I did detect the pride in his voice.

"I see. And now the flip side... What is your least favorite Balthazar-themed item?" I inquired.

He rolled his eyes, grimacing a little. "There are a few that are bad... 'Frozen Balthazar Plushie' is just an insult. I'm guessing it also comes from that blasted game, Extreme Herder. 'Super Sticky Balthazar Trap' is also another terrible item... That glue is actually extremely hard to get out of my fur!" He ran his claws through it a few times, then cleared his throat. "But the worst out of all of them is the 'Snow Balthazar.' With its cheery smile and innocent Christmas sweater..." Balthazar visibly shuddered at that. 'Whenever I see one, I destroy it. I absolutely cannot stand the sight."

"Ah... I understand why that would be annoying to a devious villain like you." I sympathized.

"It's more than just annoying!" He stood and growled, quite upset. "It's an attack! An insult! An-!"

"Shh shh, Balthazar. I understand. Please try and calm yourself." I attempted to soothe him, quite worried for my well-being.

He took a few deep breaths, and relaxed back in his seat. "Yes. Next question?"

I blinked at him for a moment, and then looked down at my notepad. Ah yes... "You also make an appearance in NeoQuest II. What do you think about that?"

Balthazar thought about it for a moment. "Well, despite me being a 'faerie lover,' I thought it was pretty okay. Since I was just under a spell and whatnot. My forest looked pretty gnarly afterwards, just how I liked it. I suppose what I mean to say, is that I liked the NeoQuest Balthazar after the Four Faeries are defeated. Before... Bleck. I honestly don't think I would fall for their tricks to be put under a spell in the first place. However, I did like that the creators of NeoQuest stayed true to the fact that Spider Grundo, Hubrid Nox, and myself are not friends."

I nodded with understanding. "When I played NeoQuest, I thoroughly enjoyed the Haunted Woods chapter."

Balthazar grinned. "Well, because I was in it, right?"

I cleared my throat. "Right. Well, I believe that that is all I have for you today. Is there anything else you would like Neopia to know?" I asked him.

After thinking for a moment, Balthazar responded with a wink, "I'm having a sale on bottled faeries for the next week. You know where to come."

I laughed and stood, and after exchanging farewells, went to compile this interview for the one and only Neopian Times. It's up to you to decide: is Balthazar just trying to get the truth out there and show he isn't really that bad? Or is he lying, it hopes to trick Neopia into falling for one of his devious plans?