Top Six Ways to Get Kicked Out of Smugglers Cove

Now, any old idiot with a writing quill could tell you HOW to nab items there. Just bring a few dubloons, and be lucky enough to show up when the smugglers have something to sell. But that makes for a terribly short article, and what fun is that? No, no, no, let's get creative here, and try our hook (or paw or fin or whatever limbs you happen to have) at a, shall we say, what not to do article. So, without further ado: the best ways to ensure that you'll get kicked out of the Smugglers Cove.

1. Make the pirates remember Maraqua.

You could wear a Maraqua Team Jersey or be eating Maraquan food or just be a Maraquan pet – the specifics aren't important as long as you make the pirates think of Maraqua. If you're a young Neopian, you probably grew up being told bedtime stories about the infamous war between King Kelpbeard and Captain Scarblade. If you're old enough, you might have been around when it happened, or possibly even participated in it. In case you've spent your life living under a rock, here's the short version of the story: Maraqua won and the self declared ruler of the five seas lost. Seeing as these lads make their livings off the seas, you can see why the pirates might be a tad bit hesitant to do business with someone supporting their old enemy.

2. Complain about getting to Krawk Island. Or complain about the pirates themselves. Or complain about anything, really.

Complain loudly and bitterly and often about anything that crosses your mind. Pirates hate complainers and luckily for you, the list of things they love is very short so they're easy to insult. There are a few exceptions, but by and large, pirates love exactly three things: gold, grog, and the sea. Take advantage of that. Talk at length about how horrible sea life is. Say you can't imagine why anyone would ever want to spend time on a boat. Say Neopia Central is much prettier than Krawk Island. Then complain about the personal hygiene of the island's residents. Try politely (or not so politely) asking why none of them have considered investing in some Usukicon Y12 Personal Deodorant. If you're lucky (or unlucky, however you want to look at it), they might kick you out before you even get to see their wares.

3. Ask personal questions.

"Where'd you get your tattoo?"

"How'd you get your eyepatch?"

"Why do you need a hook?"

"Do your parents approve of your profession?"

"Have you ever tried wearing something other than red and white stripes? Or do you think people take you more seriously when you look like a candy cane?

Just keep barraging the pirates with these sorts of questions. Poke and prod them until they have no patience left. Most pirates don't have much in the way of patience to begin with, so you shouldn't be kept waiting long.

4. Be a picky customer.

So you found some pirate or other who happens to be selling something. Your gut reaction might be to snatch it up before someone else can get their grubby paws on it. Don't. Instead, take a step back and think about it. Is that item shiny actually enough for you? Is it cute enough? If it's a weapon, could it vanquish all of your enemies without you ever visiting Capn Threelegs? You'd be forking over quite a few dubloons for this thing, after all, you might as well make sure it's worth your time and energy.

But of course, you had to sail all the way to Krawk Island and you don't want that arduous journey to be in vain. So don't call it quits right away. Instead of giving up at the sight of an item unworthy of your time, just ask the pirates to bring out something a little more... impressive. Constructive criticism works wonders on pirates. They like knowing when their plundering abilities aren't up to snuff. Just trust me on that, it's true. They won't get mad at you for insulting their wares.

Well.

Probably not, anyway.

5. Try to get the, ahem, five fingered discount.

After all, these items were most likely not taken with the consent of their former owner. What's to stop you from doing the same? Just grab an item that looks pretty and run away. Even if you still haven't gotten around to spending much time with dear old Capn Threelegs, they probably won't be able to catch you – most of them have peg legs anyway.

6. Accidentally leave your dubloons at home.

Can't you just see this one being played out?

You: "Oh, I see you've got a fancy schmancy Super Attack Pea over there!"

Smugglers Cove Pirate (SCP): "Arr, matey, it might not be shiny but it's worth a pretty penny."

You: "Yeah, did you know you can get AVATARS with that?"

SCP: "Aye, that's what they say." (Now, most pirates don't understand the fascination with avatars – the idea of collecting something that isn't gold or grog is a bit lost on them. But in the interest of making a sale, they'll go along with it.) "And it can be yours for only one hundred and sixty dubloons."

You: "Hmm. Well, that's not a terrible deal, but how about one hundred and sixty neopoints instead?"

How on Neopia could they ever turn down such a reasonable offer?

6.5. Bring something that's... almost a dubloon.

Now, you may have found yourself with a generous pirate who doesn't promptly kick you out for offering 160 neopoints on an item as rare and valuable as a Super Attack Pea. The odds are not in your favor for this, but just in case, let's continue on with the scenario and see what happens.

SCP: "Are yeh slow in the head, matey? I said one hundred and sixty DUBLOONS and us pirates don't barter."

You: "Oh, alright then. Well, if you're dead set on this... Then how about a handful of these lovely Chocolate Dubloons?" (If the pirate was generous enough to not kick you out right away, the kind old geezer is probably just rolling their eyes by now. Or eye – I don't mean to discriminate against those eyepatch'd sea dogs. But anyway, just keep going until you've pushed their buttons one too many times.) "Or, ooh! I've got a set of gorgeous Golden Dubloon Paving Stones at my neohome! I could run home and grab 'em for you if you'd like!"

If you've successfully tried all six (and a half) of these tactics, there's almost no way you haven't been kicked out of Smugglers Cove. So congratulations! Feel like testing your newfound skills? You could always try getting kicked out of other stores. Good luck!