NeoQuest II: Behind the Scenes

How many times have you read that sentence? If you're like me, you've read it multiple times daily for the last 10 months. Sure, you may know what goes on with the NeoQuest characters while they're fighting, but do you know much about their lives outside of the game? Of course not, because they're always busy and never do any interviews! But my aim is to change that. I am going to track the four of them down and insist they stop at the next city to conduct an interview.

I started my search for them in the home of NeoQuest II's first act, Meridell! After having some rather delightful tea at Rohane's mother's house, I snuck out of Trestin and headed towards a nearby cave. Finding it deserted, I went east. Finally, after hours of clawing through some particularly thick woods, I entered a different cave. The cave led to a small island on which a tower was built. After slowly going through three looooong temple levels, I finally reached the top level, expecting to find Rohane. But when I got there...nothing...

Suddenly, I heard some quiet angry-sounding mumbling coming from the corner.

"Who goes there?"

The voice belonged to Zombom, the powerful wizard who had lowered White River's bridge. I asked how Zombom felt after his (obvious) defeat, and he declined to comment. Instead he shouted, "Get out of here before I Decimate you!"

Following his suggestion, I dashed out of his temple and down south through White River and down across the plains, before stopping again at Lakeside. While there, I found the Hermit. "Hello."

The Hermit seemed quite startled at my sudden appearance. "Huh? Where'd you come from? I haven't had a visitor since... well, since that Blumaroo and his Acara friend came around..."

"How long ago was that?" I asked, hopeful to get an answer that could help pinpoint the party's precise placement. (Try saying that five times fast!)

"Oh, a few weeks ago at the least. Now go away, and don't mention to anyone else about my location. I've had way too many visitors since that darn Blumaroo came around!"

"But you just said he was your last visitor?" I questioned, but the Hermit provided no further answers.

Since Rohane and Mipsy had been spotted by the Hermit weeks ago, I skipped ahead to the Haunted Woods. When I got there, the sun was still up, so I had hope. I sped past Count von Roo's castle and went straight for the Cave of Dark Things. While navigating, though I had a map, I still got hopelessly lost. For days I stayed there, living solely on pools of slime. Or perhaps it was only a few hours. It's hard to tell when you're stuck in a cave with hundreds of *shudders* spyders.

The Happy Fun Non-haunted house was the next area I searched for the NeoQuest stars in. I went through the creepy building hurriedly. Honestly, the building was creepier when it was "Happy Fun Non-haunted" than when it was actually haunted! As I emerged from the house, the Brain Tree boomed, "Halt! I know what you seek!"

Even though I wanted to inform him that "Who goes there?" was the next sentence to that phrase, I didn't. Instead I waited expectantly for him to continue.

"You are looking for Rohane, Mipsy, Talinia, and...what is the other one's name? I can't remem--um, I mean, Velm."

"And where are they?"

"How should I know? After all, I'm only a lowly tree stuck in the ground with my sole organ perched atop my branches!" the Brain Tree replied. At least, that's what I think he said. Ok, you got me. That was actually what I said, mocking him. What he really said was, "..." Nothing! Instead, he got his point across just as clearly nonverbally by shooting several sharp Brain Tree splinters at me.

As I retreated from the attack, I tripped over a stray tree root. And the sun went down. "Great. Just peachy!" I mumbled. They had gotten away and were now somewhere in Faerieland! Quickly as possible, I raced through the Goo Bog and met up with the Esophagor.

"Yooouuu muuuussstt feeeeedd meeeee!"

Of course, it made perfect sense to me how a villain could be unmercifully mashed into the ground, and still be worried about his appetite later.

I pulled out a piece of the Stuff.

"Ttthhhee Stuffff! Nooo, ddoon'tt hurrrrtttt ittt!"

"Let me past," I warned.

"Feeeddd meeee!"

Since it didn't appear that I was going to be let past, I used my secret weapon. I ate the Stuff. And let me assure you, everything you've heard about the Stuff is untrue. It's all hype. After eating the Stuff, nothing happened to me (except gaining a feeling of being overly full that intensifies every hour).

Travel through Faerieland went at a fast pace until Cumulonimbus. Getting lost there was the least of my worries; I was running out of Neocrisps to snack on! The Devilpuss, like everyone else so far, didn't seem to be happy about finding me disturbing him. Since meeting the Devilpuss was a once-in-a-lifetime experience, I tried to interview him.

"Why are you evil? What happened to you as an Angelpuss?"

"Being evil is so much more fun! Who wants to be an Angelpuss anyway? You're expected to be...well...angelic all this time! And Angelpi are such followers! I am an original!"

"But you do know that Devilpusses are a petpet now? You've got tons of followers!"

"What? I do? Nooo!" The Devilpuss flew out of Cumulonimbus, yelling something about going to find his Lawyerbot.

Finally, several days later, still searching, I arrived at Terask II's tower. Terask II was just sitting there peacefully, gazing at a picture of Fyora longingly. "Only so long until I capture you again, Fyora!"

Again?! Did that mean...? I hoped not!

"Again?"

Terask looked up suddenly. "Yes, again. That dumb blumaroo and his friends set her free a day or two ago! I'm just going to wait here patiently until they get here again on this difficulty, and then I get to destroy them!" Terask exclaimed happily.

"Argh! You stupid, overgrown--" I didn't even get to finish my sentence. Terask simply swatted his paw at me, and easily depleted all of my hit points (and then some!). I lost half my gold and found myself awakening elsewhere (Lakeside, since I hadn't bothered to rest since).

I hobbled out of Lakeside to Phorofor (and I can't remember why I was even bothering by that point). And in the middle of the desert, beating up a dust scarab, was Rohane and Mipsy!

"Hey!! Can I have an interview?" I shouted.

Between strokes of his overly heavy-looking sword, Rohane said, "You...have...awful tim...ing!"

The fight concluded, and I got my interview. And also Obliterated by Mipsy, who had taken considerable damage while Rohane had been distracted.

"Those healing potions taste soooo disgusting!" she complained. "Here, I'll let you experience it first hand."

"No, thanks, that's al--" I tried to say, but I was interrupted by Mipsy's loud, "OBLITERATE!!"

Ouch. One hundred damage at once hurts. A lot.

Oh, yeah, the interview? It wasn't all that important, so I won't bother repeating it. So I guess you just read that whole article for nothing, huh? Well, at least, you didn't trek all over Neopia for it...