Healthy Obsessions?

Whatever your individual reaction is to their, uh, uniqueness, you're going to want to learn more about why they're so fixated on their fetishes, and what it can possibly reveal about their personalities.

I've teamed up with two experts with some great credentials, Dr. Frankennut, a perceptive psychologist, and Loretta Loafstan, author of the books Fetishes and How They Shape Us and Ten Things to Consider Before Picking Your Obsession, to carefully analyze some very high-profile obsessions.

First up---some may worship him, some may hate him, and some may be forced to do his evil bidding, but all cannot deny the charisma of the ever-gossiped about Dr. Frank Sloth. He has many obsessions, with the ever-popular taking-over-all-of-Neopia added on his Fetish Resume. But let's not forget about his obsession with, that's right, evil robots.

Loretta Loafstan: Dr. Sloth's fetish with evil robots tells me he is a very modern man, yet his taking-over-Neopia obsession tells me he sticks to tradition, so I believe he is someone of great contrast. I believe as much as he would like all Neopians to believe how one-sided he is, he really has conflicts between good and evil much as we all do.

Dr. Frankennut: I don't know about that, but I will say I believe his evil robot obsession probably came from a traumatic childhood experience, perhaps when his toy robot attacked him, leading him to mistrust robots, but also respecting their power, so he wants to use them to his advantage, to take over Neopia.

I say: Maybe he just likes them because they're fun. I mean, give the guy a break!

Our second high-profiler is a guy who we've all probably wanted to hug or kick at some point in time. He's the Tiki Tack Man, selling Tiki Tack souvenirs but probably more famous for running the popular game Tombola in Mystery Island. His obsession? Giving out prizes, especially booby prizes, even if he has slacked off a bit. You also have to question his fashion sense, always wearing that mask over his face except the time it went missing.

Loretta Loafstan: This tells me he is a very giving man, though due to lack of wealth, cannot give valuables to everyone, so he compensates by devising this luck and chance game and even giving out compensation prizes sometimes. As to his mask, maybe he’s shy and it therefore acts as a shield to make him feel more relaxed and at total ease. Or maybe he wishes to be more of a man of mystery.

Dr. Frankennut: I believe his obsession comes from the need for personal fulfilment, which he feels he accomplishes by giving people freebies. It gives his life meaning. His mask shows he gives his own privacy a very high value, the mask keeps his level of privacy high. Also, the mask gives him a sense of power, which for security’s sake he wishes to retain.

I say: I think he just does it to see the look on our faces when we see we've only gotten a booby prize or not even that. I mean, he just doesn't look like such a complex man to me. Not that I can see his face that clearly because of the mask, which I think he just wears because, according to my own personal secret theory, air conditioning is built in to the mask to help keep his face cool in the hot tropical weather of Mystery Island.

Third is Meridell's King Skarl, who wastes time, sitting on his royal throne every single solitary minute of the day, listening to countless Neopians all trying to give him a good joke to laugh at, though that takes quite an effort from this big grump, who's known to have even thrown Neopians out of the castle if their joke displeased him greatly.

Loretta Loafstan: King Skarl is obviously hard to please, one who yearns for perfection and happiness for himself. Because of this, he can be selfish and may lack proper jurisdiction over his kingdom's well-being.

Dr. Frankennut: What about the obvious answer? Hello! Darigan launched attacks on him two times! He's obviously suffering the bad after-effects and needs reassurance from laughter that everything's all right now.

I say: Uh, did you see the guy's face? He obviously needs to laugh more and he knows it.

The last famous obsession we will talk about is Meuka's obsession with snot. I'm sorry, but I feel like throwing up just thinking about it. We all know Meuka loves the green sticky substance classified by the much more scientific term of snot, and he’s not afraid to attack you with his absolute snottiness.

Loretta Loafstan: Well, this shows me Meuka wants to push the envelope, choosing something extremely unconventional. He likes to get a big reaction from his fellow Neopians. Also, I don’t think Meuka grosses out easily, maybe he’s trying to define his courage by choosing such a scary form of a fetish.

Dr. Frankennut: I believe Meuka's suffering from little-boy syndrome, where he still hasn't grown up enough to realize how childish and improper his obsession is. Yet he believes snot defines his, uh, manhood, when it really shows the boyish side of him.

I say: Meuka's evil and disgusting. Snot is evil and disgusting. I will not question his judgement of what fits him best.

So, what have we learned from all this talk? Well, I’ve learned that my comments sound about as unprofessional as can be. But never mind that, the important thing is, what have you learned? That a little healthy obsession here and there's not going to hurt you, just those around you. And while we may try to analyze all we want, we're still just making stuff up. So keep those obsessions going! After all, if the celebs are doing it, that’s got to be the new “it” thing to do, right? They could brand you for life, for better or worse.