Eliv Thade: DECODED

Therefore, while you are pondering the thought of what happened to "That Old Eliv Thade" that made him such an "I-hate-people" person, I've done some (painful) work that has cost me many cloud motes... I mean, that has got me many answers.

In this article you will find true *cough* facts about Eliv Thade. If you have a weak-minded Bori or Korbat (which is now what my Bori (now Korbat) is and taking full advantage of having wings), I suggest you don't get him to read this, for his head will explode with thoughts, and you will only get him to stop by letting him play with the hose (the... horror....). Read the following and you will be able to taunt and avoid Mr. Thade.

1): You are probably (not) wondering why Eliv looks like he's been horribly disfigured by Sloth to become a yes-man. See, Sloth wanted to take a break from mutating Grundos, so he picked out a few Kacheeks, and invited them to his lab (by promising them new bikes. I wish I had a new bike! Remember not to take bikes from strangers, kids!). He then fused them together using the Lab Ray, but Sloth didn't think Eliv looked creepy enough, so he added the stitches. Later that day authorities found a ranting Lab Ray Scorchio in the basement and nobody new what he was talking about, so the police put him in rehab. Also, do not try looking like Eliv at home; my Bori (now Korbat) has tried it, and now I have to confiscate and hide every needle in the house.*crash* One second... *No mom, I swear I won't do it again!* *bam* Now where were we?

2): The yes-man stuff didn't go so well, (especially after Eliv spilled Neocola on Sloth... evil Neocola!) and so, Eliv went to the only place he felt accepted... Faerieland. After they banned him from Faerieland for experimenting on meepits (I think he was giving them potions that make them shop at stores with very low prices, I don't know, talk to the Shop Wizard!), Eliv made a home in the Haunted Woods. There they basically threw the castle at him because they thought he was still ugly (why do they think he's ugly and disfigured anyways? I mean, this IS the Haunted Woods! They even have games with his face on it which is now traditional to sell every Halloween). Therefore, in revenge, Mr. Thade (that's what people that "like" him call him... YES, he has fans!) challenges people to decode his mixed up messages that he talks in, preferably that poor Usul that stands outside his house who said he was a "stitch head" one Halloween.

3): And now, a short interview with Eliv Thade. He was happy to agree since he was tired of the daily hate mail. Now a few questions asking about the soap opera part of his life.

Griflinna: So... tell me about your childhood.

Eliv: Wlel (Well), at aeg (age) six my preatns (parents) didn't get em (me) that Uni I wenatd (wanted).

Griflinna: Uuhhhh... well... why do you talk all scrambled like? In addition, can you talk normally... PLEASE?

Eliv: Wlel(Well) I'm patched thgtero fo czary(together of crazy) Kacheeks, why shulod(should) I not tlak(talk) like this, and no, I cnonat klat(cannot talk) normally.

Griflinna: Do you hate Sloth, and if yes, why?

Eliv: I hkint (think) of him as a hfater (father) figure, so, sey (yes), I do thae (hate) him.

Griflinna: Do you have anything you would like to tell us?

Eliv: No, otn (not) exactly, but rehe (here) is a smesaeg (message) to hatt (that) Usul - TSYA FOF (Stay off) MY LAWN!

After that *cough* lovely interview, I thought I should get back to work doing my laundry... I MEAN, doing research. *smacks head against table*

4): The game "The Castle of Eliv Thade" is really hard (and painful) to get through, but I have seen a bunch of meepits (those darn meepits again!) get past it millions of times... Okay., just a few thousand times, HAPPY NOW!?! *smashes head through the table that has been writing on*

*a few thousand Neopoints later*... Okay, so maybe smashing my head through the table wasn't such a great idea (you can stop laughing now). Anyways, the meepits' first way of getting out of the castle was to take a willing Eyrie to fly them across the castle, avoiding any traps or Eliv Thade. They do have to avoid Cheops being chucked by a very angry Mr. Thade. Another way the meepits got past the castle was by using a frost cannon and blasting it at Eliv so that they could go on their merry way, without being spotted when they stole some of the furniture.

5): Now a brief discussion with the Brain Tree that will be recorded by a clockwork Grundo. I thought it would good to ask him for help since he knows a lot of Neopian history. I had to do a very annoying quest for him (that was messed up many times by my absent-minded Bori (now Korbat) because he kept yelling "CHEESE!" at the local library) before we could interview him. I even got to ride there on my new bike!

Brain Tree: So... I'm getting paid for this, right?

Griflinna: Uhhh... No... you aren't, because I already did a quest for you. Anyways, what do you think of Eliv Thade?

Brain Tree: He is pretty nice... EVIL! He can never complete any of my quests. AAAAAUUUUGGGHHH!!!!

Griflinna: Somebody has issues...

Brain Tree: *continues ranting on about how evil Eliv Thade is*

Clockwork Grundo: Crshzchsrhschzhshrhzxscszxszxxchxzs... And now we return to "When Meepits Go Mad"...

Luckily I got out of the Brain Tree's grasps. I went back the next day to find my bike destroyed. *sob* I did find out one major thing: Eliv's speaking problem is really annoying to the locals.

6): I am rooting through Mr. Thade's trash and I have found some very interesting things. I have first found a meepit scratching post in there. Obviously, he is enslaving meepits to do his bidding. This is so going to the auction house! The next item I found was an old rusty toothbrush; this probably means he has been using this item to control the meepits! WAHAHA! *slap* Thank you, clockwork Grundo operator that I don't know, I've been around my Bori (now Korbat) too long. Sorry about that, the next item I found was his old diary. *little girl scream* It says here that two days ago he talked to Sloth about a meeting. Man, this will fetch a lot at the Auction house!

7): I have joined up with the meepits to snoop around the mansion. So far the only thing I have found out is that my Eyrie's name is Carl. Carl, land there! Hey here is a signed picture of... the... Tombola Man. Well, this... opens many doors... I'll store this in my bag. Moving on, here we are, in the kitchen. Carl, please stay out of the fridge. *awwww* Okay, right now I am getting stuff from the fridge, here is a bag of what looks like meowclops' eyes. This looks like snout of a snorkle. I have I feeling Eliv is making potions to attract dark faeries to sell. Carl, let's go! We are now going back outside because the meepits are now tormenting Eliv, and I... I mean, Carl doesn't want to get hurt.

8): Here is another delightful (boring) conversation. This time it's with the Esophagor. I got him to agree to an interview with me after he whimpered in fear when I threw a battle duck at him.

Esophagor: Bring me food!

Griflinna: No, unless you want to see the battle duck again.

Esophagor: *whimpers*

Griflinna: Now, down to business, what do you think of Eliv Thade? (Crosses fingers)

Esophagor: He's a nice person, except to that poor Usul. Hey, why don't you interview her?

Griflinna: I can't, because she won't get close to anyone who has something to do with Eliv. I know this is off the subject, but I really need to know, why do you ask Neopets to get you food?

Esophagor: Well, if you haven't noticed, I'm a blob, and I can't walk to the food store. Even if I could, I'd have to put a bag over my head in the dung isle!

Griflinna: Next question, have you ever seen Eliv going to a secret meeting?

Esophagor: If by secret, you mean Sloth, then yes. You should really check the bulletin board on the back of the Brain Tree, and do it fast; people toilet paper it on Halloween.

Griflinna: Uhhhhhhhh... Thank you for the very short interview. You're really cool after you get past the "Bring Me Food" part.

Esophagor: Just don't tell reporters... Hey, what's that red blinking thing behind your back?! GIVE ME THAT CLOCKWORK GRUNDO!!!!! Crzrczcrczcycrzczczchzcrczc...

In my highly logical *cough* conclusion I have determined that Eliv Thade is an evil mastermind who is out on the world to either rule it or try to make friends.

This is the end of this article of embarrassing and very deranged things Eliv Thade does (because I want to go shopping for stuff). I hope you have enjoyed it. I highly suggest you do this on your own if you want to know more about him, because I am busy punishing my Bori (now Korbat) for shoving a plastic toy in the oven.

... Fine, one last thing before I go (my house is burning down); try rearranging the letters of Eliv Thade's name. You won't be disappointed (and hopefully you won't throw Cheops at me)...

Please don't try to become my Neofriend; I already have a long list. Thanx TNT for accepting my article! 0_o ^_^