A Very Random Interview with Uzarro

Uzarro leapt through the window, the huge bag of neopoints dangling behind her. The guards tried to leap through the window, but they were too large. Shaking their heads in sheer annoyance, they gritted their teeth and walked out the front door, but it was too late. Uzarro had made her escape, until she herself was captured and pulled into an alley behind some dirty old neohomes.

Uzarro: Oi! Let me go, you!

Daeliendia: Shhhhhhhhh, be quiet, or they’ll hear you!

*silence as angry mob runs past*

Daeliendia: So, I’m helping out my owner, Melissa, and helping her get into the Neopian Times, so could you just spare a second?

Uzarro: And why on Neopia would I do that? *starts to leave*

Daeliendia: I have doughnuts! *shows Uzarro five Speckled Doughnuts*

Uzarro: Oh boy! Delicious! *grabs and eats one*

Daeliendia: Okay, so, can I interview you or not?

Uzarro: *sigh* Sure, why not, doughnut kid?

Daeliendia: It’s Daeliendia, but you can call me Dae.

Uzarro: Whatever. What’s your first question?

Daeliendia: How much asparagus does Adam eat in a year?

Uzarro: What kind of a question is that, doughnut kid?

Daeliendia: I’m the one asking the questions around here, aren’t I? And it's NOT doughnut kid, It's Dae. And don't you dare forget it.

Uzarro: Uh, well, to that asparagus one, I’m gonna have to say ten billion. To your most recent one, I’m gonna have to say, sorry, um, Dae.

Daeliendia: Okay, start over. So, what's the age of Neopia's semi-famous thief?

Uzarro: I’ll never reveal. *shifty eyes* Please excuse the question, but why am I a semi-famous thief?

Daeliendia: You don't even have your own Neopedia article!

Uzarro: Don't rub it in... *another angry glare*

Daeliendia: Okay sorry. Now, how many neopoints do you steal in a day?

Uzarro: 10,000 on bad days. 100,000,000 on very good days, which none I've seen so far. I'm still poor in some Neopians' eyes, though. I stash it all in Jelly World.

Daeliendia: Jelly World doesn't exist, weirdo!

Uzarro: I was being sarcastic! Come on, give me a break!

Daeliendia: What is the downside of your occupation as a thief?

Uzarro: I can't buy any cosmetics at the Beauty Parlor. *shudders* And it's only because I'm marked for life as a thief and they don't trust me. The guards there are surprisingly stronger and faster than those puny bank guards, anyway.

Daeliendia: *gasp* *edges away* So, anyways, what is your favorite food? It's obvious yet not often asked in the all the neopedia entries.

Uzarro: Asparagus.

Daeliendia: Why?

Uzarro: I love asparagus.

Daeliendia: Can I have some?

Uzarro: You can't have it, it's all mine.

Daeliendia: Wow, you are just like Adam. You even sound like him.

Uzarro: No, he sounds like me! I was here first!

Daeliendia: If you say so...

Uzarro: Give me another question, Xweetok, or I'll do something drastic.

Daeliendia: What’s up with the green clown costume?

Uzarro: It’s part of my secret identity... plus, it stretches with my every move. *dreamy eyes*

Daeliendia: Okay... next question. Why do you steal from all the Neopian banks? Why not just play a game or two?

Uzarro: I steal from the banks because I want the Number Six Avvie... and ever since the game Trouble at the National Neopian came out, I’ve just stayed away.

Daeliendia: Yeah, it must be kinda embarrassing to waltz in and someone’s pressing ‘K’ or ‘D’ to put you behind bars. Your game character looks nothing like you.

Uzarro: I’m not even that fat. Plus, I was only captured one time...

Daeliendia: Really? By whom?

Uzarro: I was just kidding! I've never been to prison.

Daeliendia: In the game you have...

Uzarro: ENOUGH WITH THE GAME!!!! *angry glare*

Daeliendia: Oooookay...

Uzarro: Sorry, but please, just give me another question.

Daeliendia: All righty then. What is your favorite place in all Neopia?

Uzarro: Fyora’s vault... it's LOADED... *dreamy eyes*

Daeliendia: Yeah, from her profit at the Hidden Tower. So, last question: Aren’t Meepits adorable?

Uzarro: Actually, I hate bald petpets.

Daeliendia: ...You didn’t answer my question.

Uzarro: Meepits are bald, and they are petpets. So, I hate Meepits.

Daeliendia: ...You... hate... Meepits?! AAAAK! I'VE NEVER HEARD OF SUCH MADNESS!

Uzarro: You need to get outside the neohome more often, then, if you've never heard of people hating Meepits. Your owner must be crazy or something.

*Daeliendia starts attacking Uzarro*

Daeliendia: Thou shalt pay for thy treachery of disliking the best petpet in all Neopia!

Uzarro: AAK! What are you doing? This costume cost millions of neopoints!

Daeliendia: You will pay for that insult!

*Something has happened! Melissa appears out of nowhere to encourage Daeliendia on and draw a conclusion to this interview*

Melissa: You tell her, sister! *slaps Dae’s paw*

Melissa: And, there you have it, an interview of the one, the only, Uzarro. Now, if you will excuse me, it’s time to teach Ms. I-Heart-Feepits-And-Weewoos-Not-Meepits-Because-They-Are-Bald-Bla-Bla-Bla-Yakkity-Yak a lesson on when to keep your mouth shut in earshot of a person who's a very large Meepit fan! *rolls up sleeve threateningly*

Uzarro: Hey, what are you doing with that Sneezle Powder? I don't have the Sneezles!

Melissa: You will once we're through with you.

Uzarro: AAK! NO, I WILL NOT GO TO TERROR MOUNTAIN! IT'LL GIVE ME THE SNEEZLES!

Daeliendia: So, you've figured out our plan... goody for you!

Uzarro: That's it, I'm outta here! *wriggles free from Melissa's grasp and runs off*

Daeliendia: Okay, I guess this interview is over. Hey, she left behind her money bag! We're rich! *opens bag* ONE NEOPOINT??!! Oh well, back to the Soup Kitchen...

Author’s Note: If you are reading this I got into the NT for the second time! *disco* No Usuls or Uzarros were harmed in the making of this interview ^_^ Feedback is accepted without hesitation, and I just love fanmail. (I respond to every neomail.) Sorry this interview is so completely insane, and to those who claim Jelly World exists; it does not!