A Chat and a Cup of Borvan With:

Larenbeka: Good morning, Neopia! Today is a special day…I am conducting an interview with one of the most feared Chombies in all of Neopia! The Giant Hungry Malevolent Chomby! Or is he?

Erileen: You got that right, Larey! It was a little difficult to get him into the room, being that he is so big, and we had to chop off some walls, but here he is…live and in person!

Chomby: Did someone say chopped walnuts?

Larenbeka: We told you! No eating until after the talk. *sighs heavily*

Chomby: *grumbles* Yeah, whatever.

Erileen: Okay then! What would say was your most interesting Battledome challenge?

Chomby: Hehe…once I had a challenge really early in the morning and I hadn’t gotten breakfast yet. I was battling Meuka and I thought he was a giant jelly…it tasted pretty good, actually.

Larenbeka: *mouth open in disgust* Eeeww! You what?!

Erileen: *agape with confusion* you ate his…SNOT? You disgust me!

Chomby: So how about those cookies?

Both: NO!

Larenbeka: Why are you always so mean and hungry?

Chomby: Because certain people won’t give me cookies! *cough Larebeka* *cough Erileen* *COUGH!* But I guess it’s mostly because I always had a high metabolism, and always battling works up a colossal appetite…you know, so do interviews! Can I have my cookies NOW?

Erileen: *rolls eyes* No! Next question…do you have a family?

Chomby: I had a Mom before I discovered that dipped maternal figures in chocolate tastes delicious!

Larenbeka: You ate your mother? *puts head in hands* This is going nowhere!

Chomby: If you bake some cookies it would go to my stomach!

Erileen: Enough with the cookies! *exasperation* Can we please get off the subject of eating?

Chomby: Eating is my life, my passion…my security blanket…wait, I ate that…

Larenbeka: Do you have any deep, dark secrets?

Chomby: *looks from girl to girl* Well, I never told this to anyone but…I eat when I’m scared and nervous…it brings comfort! *cries*

Erileen: *pats gently, yet hesitantly* There there...we all have our problems and slight…err—emotional difficulties. We understand.

Chomby: Does—does that make us—f—friends?

Larenbeka: Well…umm…not exactly…

Chomby: *sobs so heavily that the room shakes, and plaster falls from the ceiling*

Larenbeka: No! Don’t take it that way we’re…friendly acquaintances!

Chomby: *brightens up immediately* Okay! Do friendly acquaintances make each other cookies?

Erileen: Occasionally…

Larenbeka: Next question…what is your favorite place in Neopia?

Chomby: Well, my favorite place in Neopia would have to be…-blocked-

Erileen: *rolls eyes* Obviously!

Larenbeka: Yes…why didn’t we think of that?

Both: *looks at each other cautiously, hold up shields, and don hardhats*

Erileen: Please try to contain yourself when we ask you this…*raises shield* What is your favorite food?

Chomby: Why didn’t you ask me that before? I keep a list of my favorites in my pocket! *grabs out a five foot long list*

Both: *exchange nervous glances*

Chomby: First and foremost I like—

Two hours later…

Erileen: *sarcastically* Well, that was riveting! Unfortunately, because of time constraints, we need to cut you off.

Chomby: Fine…*puts away list, dejected*

Larenbeka: Next question…what is your favorite color that Neopets can be painted?

Chomby: Why, jelly of course! Jelly is good! Jelly, jelly, jelly, jelly! Hey, do you think you could throw some jelly in with those cookies?

Erileen: *rolls eyes* Please! No more about the cookies! Your next question is…when did you decide to be a (quote un-quote) “super villain?”

Chomby: .When I was a young, young Chomby, I was in Nursery School…helpless and alone…not to mention hungry. I had just gotten my snack out, and was ready to sink my teeth into a luscious, rich chocolate cupcake.

But, alas! A very cruel Lupe came up, “Give me your cupcake!” he said, outstretching his paws. Before I could retort, he snatched it and it was down his unworthy throat! Ever since then, I’ve decided to punish all those who dare challenge me and my food!

Larenbeka: My, my, my. How…*looks at Erileen* interesting. I see. Well, we’d like to know, what is your super villain motto?

Chomby: When in doubt, eat, eat, eat! Eat whatever your heart desires, and don’t forget dessert! After all, life is short…we should eat dessert first!

Erileen: How could I have guessed? *rolls eyes* How does it feel to be one of the most famed Chombies in all of Neopia?

Chomby: It makes me hunger with delight and warm feelings of grace and an empty stomach! *scowls at Erileen and Larenbeka* Some people obviously don’t appreciate the famed sitting before them, and do not give them cookies. How rude!

Erileen: You don’t say? *smiles and rolls eyes*

Larenbeka: What is the least you have ever eaten in one entire day?

Chomby: Hmm…good question. Probably around roughly…sixteen meals.

Larenbeka: What? Excuse me? SIXTEEN MEALS…in one day?! That’s the LEAST?

Chomby: Yeah…I had Neomonia that day.

Erileen: *shakes head* You are one character!

Larenbeka: What is your favorite thing to do besides eat and battle?

Chomby: That would have to be playing “Feed Florg”…seeing him eat all of those petpets makes me think of eating, which makes me feel happy.

Larenbeka: *shakes head* Someone must’ve put excessive eating into your head at a young age...whom?

Chomby: Alas, it was my mother. She was such an exemplary soul for me. After seeing her down thirteen Meerca Pies in four minutes flat, I felt compelled to live on her legend.

Erileen: By eating her?

Chomby: Yeah…so?

Erileen: Next question…what would you consider your “pet peeve?”

Chomby: Indigestion and being full…two terrible fates of a soul so hungry.

Larenbeka: So it is plain for many to see. We have one final question for you—

Chomby: And then…BRING OUT THE COOKIES!

Erileen: Not exactly. You have to answer it first!

Chomby: *frowns with hungry malevolence*

Larenbeka: Who would you consider your arch-nemesis?

Chomby: I try not to let my mind wander on this certain person but since you asked so nicely (and the promise of cookies is in the air) I shall tell you…Boochi. He is certainly cuter than me, and many like him because he zaps their pets an expensive color…this pains me so! Shouldn’t people like me as well for I will never let this world come to starvation?

Erileen: Yes you will…you’ll eat so much you’ll drive Neopia into starvation!

Chomby: Well, I answered didn’t I…now I get my cookies!

*An aging green Moehog comes in, bearing two cups of Borovan and a platter of chocolate chip cookies. The Chomby knocks her over in a rush to eat the cookies*

Erileen: *sighs, puts her feet on the ottoman, and sips her Borovan* Well, that’s all for today…this is has been one of our most…uh, memorable chats. Please join us next time, but for now…this is Larenbeka and Erileen, signing off!