The Real Me

     There was a time, a long time ago, longer than Jhudora would have liked to admit when she was a nice, fun-loving faerie who loved tiny Neopets and flowers-

     “ANGIE!” I screeched. “Not again! GET OUT!”

     I examined the little greenish-brown spot on my carpet that meant my pink Angelpuss, Angie, had taken a poop. “I am going to make that Angelpuss regret she was ever born someday,” I muttered under my breath. Although the little Angelpuss was the love (yes, I can love! I was getting to that) of my life, sometimes she could be so annoying!

     Angie gave me her dreaded “Whatcha doing, what... me? What did I do?” look. I couldn’t resist, and I bent down to stroke her multi-colored fur. “Well, Angie,” I said in my high-pitched voice I reserved only for her. “I was writing a story about myself... yes maybe it was a little not true... I know it sounds weird in the third person... oh, just leave me alone, Angie! I’m well aware I’m not the best author!”

     I sighed slowly. Maybe I should tell the story my way... the real way-

     I heard the rustle of footsteps that meant a Neopian was coming for a quest. “Quick,” I whispered franticly to Angie. “If they see me with an Angelpuss my reputation will be ruined forever! I’ll be reduced to a Happiness Faerie!”

     The Angelpuss squirmed under the throne. Just in time, too. A young, bewildered looking green Lupe began to walk up the winding purple staircase that led to my perch high in the air.

     The Lupe reached the top of the stairs and gazed at the carpeting in astonishment. Obviously he hadn’t been here before (but that was only an assumption, I had always had a hard time keeping track of unimportant Neopets) or he would have known the swirly purple cloud was only a highly realistic looking carpet.

     I put on my driest, most annoyed sounding voice and spoke to the Lupe. “Foolish Neopet,” I said in a booming voice (I have to admit, I was quite proud of myself). “It’s a carpet. Are you afraid of a carpet? I wouldn’t be surprised. Now hurry up before I curse you into a Mortog.”

     The now terrified Lupe gulped and stepped too quickly up onto the carpet. He tripped and fell, and he looked so miserable I had to force myself to laugh. Funny how I have to force myself to be mean, while most have to force themselves to be nice. Wow, I just had a thoughtful insight. I don’t have one of those every day.

     “Um,” said the Lupe, who had gotten back up and was looking more bashful than ever. “Um.”

     “Yes,” I said pleasantly. I hit myself on the head. What was I thinking? Never, ever be nice to Neopets! Ever! Especially when they’re a clumsy doofus!

     The Lupe, confused by my actions, took a tentative step back, as if he was backing up from an enraged Krawk. “Um, I’ll leave if you like, Your Jhudora-ness, Your Majesty. Um.”

     “Full of ‘ums’!” I said, regaining control of the situation, thank Fyora. (Why am I saying that! I shouldn’t thank Fyora for anything!) “I assume you are here for a quest?”

     The Lupe nodded, eyeing the staircase like he might make a break for it. I-

     “SQUEAK!”

     “Angie!” I shouted, but it was too late. Angie, curse that Angelpuss, had managed to escape her under-the-chair prison and was getting her revenge.

     The Lupe was now grinning. “Y-you have an Angelpuss?” he asked, trying to conceal his grin. “Isn’t an Angelpuss a bit... happy? Maybe... light?”

     I glared at the Lupe. Most of the time Neopets recoil as if stung from my Neopia-famous glare, but this Lupe seemed unaffected. “What do you want?” I asked bitterly.

     “What do you mean?”

     “What do you want me to do for you in exchange for you not telling anybody, and I mean anybody, my secret.”

     “Oh, you mean the Angelpuss?”

     I was starting to lose my also Neopia-famous temper. This Lupe was clueless, absolutely clueless! “What’s your name, sweetie?” I asked in a sugary voice. To add to the effect, I smiled my warmest smile, which actually probably didn’t help, my pearly-whites being fangs.

     The Lupe recoiled out of shock (that’s what he should have done with my glare!). “Um, Fin,” he said with the shocked expression still showing clearly on his facial features. “You Majesty, um, I mean Your Jhudora-ness.”

     “You don’t get it, do you, Fin,” I said pointedly. “You’re in the power position right now. You, not me.”

     Fin looked even more befuddled than before. That kid didn’t get it. Not at all. “R-really?” he managed to stammer. “W-why?”

     “You’re not very smart, are you?” I asked with venom in my voice. It was a rhetorical question, but Fin nodded his head in shame. “Let me explain. You saw me with my Angelpuss. By the way, her name is Angie and she likes it when you scratch her behind the ear.” As I was speaking, Angie was rubbing against Fin’s leg and purring. It was obvious she liked him more than she liked most visitors (not that she was able to interact with many). I wasn’t about to tell Fin that. “Since it would be disastrous to my reputation as ‘Neopia’s Most Feared Faerie’ that I was awarded on Better Than You, I would be most... put off, to say it mildly, if you decided to let anything slip.” Seeing Fin’s (whose light bulb must have permanently blown out a few years ago) still bewildered expression, I added, “In other words, I’m bribing you not to tell anybody.”

     Fin’s face instantly cleared up. “Okee-dokee artichokey!” he said happily. “That sounds great! Do you have a few Neopoints? Say... 1,000? That sounds fair, doesn’t it? I mean, back where I come from it’s a lot... but it’s probably a little to you! Which makes it fairer! That sounds swell by me!”

     This Neopian was making me more annoyed by the second. “Look,” I said, spitting every syllable. “Take 500,000 Neopoints and leave me in peace. Will that make you happy?”

     Fin took a double-take. “What,” he gasped. “500,000 N-Neopoints! That’s almost enough for one of those Baby Paintbrushes Fyora sells in that magical Hidden Tower of hers!”

     “I’ll give you 100,000 more, but I fail to grasp why in Neopia you would want to be a stinky Baby. I mean, they pee in their overly expensive wearable pants, for Fyora’s sake!”

     “That’s not what I meant,” said Fin. “I meant that that’s a lot of Neopoints. And... I couldn’t take it. It’s too much.”

     I stared at the Lupe in amazement. If I was poor and someone offered me 500,000 Neopoints, I’d take it and run! Well, actually I’d fly. Flying is faster.

     “What I would take...” said Fin, now grinning smugly, “is for you to tell the world that you’re not as bad as you pretend to be.”

     “Now listen up!” I bellowed. There was no way I was going to tell the world my secret, that I wasn’t as dark as I was supposed to be. Sure, I have a really hard time acting evil, but it’s... fun! I can be mean to Neopets when I want to without being unfair, because I’m always mean! If I was regular, I would have to be nice all the time! “The point is for my secret not to get out, not for Neopia to know!”

     “But I want Neopia to know the real you!”

     “But I don’t!”

     “If you won’t tell, I will.”

     “But I have magic! I’ll... do something to you!”

     Fin smirked. Fyora above, I hate that Neopet! “You wouldn’t dare. I know you’re secretly a softy.”

     “When did you get so smart?” I seethed. Two large, green fireballs appeared in my hand. They crackled menacingly at Fin, who was starting to step back again, unsure if I really was such a “softie”. “Look, my secret is NOT getting out!” As I spoke, I waved my hand and made a wall of brilliant green fire, blocking Fin’s escape route. “You now have two choices. Leave, and face my wrath if you tell a soul my secret,” I got closer to Fin, so he would feel my hot breath and begin to feel even more uncomfortable, “Or, you can die. Choose your choice.”

     “What about the Neopoints?”

     “You lost your Neopoint privileges,” I breathed. “Now choose.”

     Secretly, I was hoping he’d go with option No. 1, because I wasn’t sure if I could bring myself to kill him. Actually, I was almost certain I couldn’t. He was right, I was a big softie.

     “Fine,” said Fin. “I-I’ll go. You know, I was just kidding. Your secret's safe with me. It always was.”

     I waved my hand again, and the wall disappeared. Fin, probably hardly believing his luck, starting dashing down the stairs, as fast as his furry green legs could carry him. When he was almost to the bottom and out of sight, I called after him.

     “Hey Fin,” I said. “Would you like to visit sometime? It would be nice to have someone I could really talk to.”

     I saw Fin’s distant head bob up and down. Satisfied, I sank down on my throne and began to pet Angie, who was perched on the armrest and satisfactorily purring. “Angie,” I said softly. “Maybe this wasn’t such a bad thing after all.”

     Angie purred out her consent and I smiled. I was right, maybe this was a good thing. Just maybe.

The End

It's my first time in the Times! Yay!