An Afternoon with Kira and Natu: The Game Edition

“Welcome to the Deep Catacombs under Neopia Central,” greets a Christmas Pteri as he sits on a sofa. “My name is Natu and today we are going to interview the stars of the game room.”

“My name is Kira and I am Natu’s sister and co-host,” says a faerie Kougra as she sits on the sofa. “Our first guest is AAA.”

AAA floats in on his special chair. “Good afternoon! I understand we are here to discuss my superior game skills.”

“Something like that,” replies Kira. “How many trophies do you have?”

“I have gold trophies for every game that has ever existed.”

“Is that your lucky controller?” asks Natu as he points toward the controller that AAA is holding.

“There is no such thing as luck,” scoffs AAA. “All professional gamers need their own controller.”

“Let me see,” says Natu as he grabs the controller.

“Give it back!” yells AAA. “Taking someone’s controller is bad luck!”

“There is no such thing as luck,” retorts Natu. “Let’s take a closer look at your special controller. This controller is rigged! AAA, you are a cheater! Security!” A shadow Zafara and a red Chomby pull AAA and his chair out of the catacombs.

“I can’t believe we had to call security this early,” remarks Kira. “This should be an interesting day. So, who is next?”

“Our next guest is Imiya from Maths Nightmare,” announces Natu.

“Twenty-three,” says Imiya as she sits down on an adjacent chair.

“How long have you been having mathematical nightmares?” asks Kira while ignoring the strange greeting.

“Forty-two,” responds Imiya.

“Is that in weeks or months?” ask Kira

“Twelve,” replies Imiya instantly.

“I see,” comments Kira as she exchanges worried glances with Natu.

“Is it true you are a Babaa herder by day?” asks Natu.

“Five.”

“Right, thank you for your time,” says Kira as she rushes Imiya out of the catacombs. “Was she even awake?”

“We may never know,” replies Natu. “Our next guest is a young neopet who petpetsits for old Mrs. Williams.”

“My name is Joy,” says a yellow Zafara with dark circles under her eyes as she sits down.

“How many neopoints do you make a day?” asks Natu.

“About 3,000 neopoints a day,” replies Joy.

“What is your favorite petpet?” asks Kira.

“The pet rock,” she answers as her head twitches to the left.

“Why is it your favorite?” asks Natu

“It doesn’t move,” she says as she nervously glances over her shoulder.

“How many petpets does Mrs. Williams have?” asks Kira.

“Millions,” answers Joy. “There are so many of them that I now see them everywhere, even with my eyes closed. Here they come!” she says with a final scream as she runs out of the catacombs.

“I don’t see anything, do you?” Natu asks Kira.

“Nothing,” agrees Kira. “Our next guest is Eliv Thade.”

“Greetings,” says Eliv Thade.

“Where did you get the Amulet of Thilg, the Grimoire of Thade, the Sword of Skardsen, and the Shield of Pion Troect?” asks Kira.

“They were rewards for solving particularly difficult riddles,” answers Eliv Thade.

“What was the riddle that led to your insanity?” asks Natu.

“What walks on all fours in the morning, two legs at noon, and three in the evening,” says Eliv Thade.

“An owner,” answers Kira. “They crawl as babies, then walk on two legs, and when they get old, they use a cane.”

“I have spent decades trying to solve this riddle, but a common Kougra figures it out in seconds!” shouts Eliv Thade. He laughs insanely and then disappears along with everybody’s left sock.

“That was random,” remarks Natu. “Our next guest is King Roothless, or as I like to call him, the dude who held AAA and his sister hostage.”

“Thank you for recognizing my greatness,” says King Roothless as he sits down.

“What are you king of?” asks Natu.

“I am the King of all games.”

“What was your motive behind the kidnapping?” asks Kira.

“I wanted revenge on AAA and to prove who the ultimate game master was.”

“Why?” asks Natu.

“When we were kids, he would always brag about his skills and insult me,” replies King Roothless as he bursts into tears and leaves the catacombs crying hysterically.

“What kind of villain cries about his childhood and runs away like a baby Usul,” says a shocked Natu.

“One that we will probably never see again,” says Kira. “Next up we have Ace the Zafara from Advert Attack. Maybe he will be normal.”

“Normal doesn’t seem to be an option today,” comments Natu.

“Thanks for having me,” says Ace.

“Did you build your ship yourself?” asks Kira.

“Yes, I bought the spare parts at the Grundo Warehouse; they have everything.”

“Can you build me one?” asks Natu.

“Sorry, I don’t have the time. I spend most of my time racing. During my free time I watch neovision while drinking neocola, the official drink of top gamers.”

“Advertising is not allowed in the catacombs,” says Kira. “Take it to the neoboards.”

“Fine, I will leave and buy a purplum mocha at the Coffee Cave,” says Ace as he winks to the audience and then leaves.

“I hate Pop-up commercials,” comments Natu. “Our next guest is Kelby from Jubble Bubble. If he tries to sell anything, I will feed him to Chiazilla.”

“It’s a pleasure to be here,” says Kelby as he sits down, “and I hate advertisements too.”

“So, how are your bubbles strong enough to support Maraquan JubJubs?” asks Kira.

“I have practiced blowing bubbles for years and a kind water faerie gave me some magic.”

“You have a lot of JubJub friends,” remarks Natu. “Is it true that they are meepits in disguise and you are helping them to take over Maraqua?”

“May I speak to Kelby?” asks Judge Hog as he enters.

“Meep!” shouts a Maraquan JubJub as he trips Judge Hog and then leaves in a rush with Kelby.

“That was weird,” comments Kira. “Natu, how do you do that?”

“Not even the authors know,” replies Natu. “Anyway, our next guest is Adee from Ice Cream Machine.”

“What is your favorite flavor?” asks Kira.

“Chokato, but I like every flavor I have ever tried.”

“How many times have you been caught breaking into the factory?” asks Natu.

“I lost count after the 48th time, but the ice cream is so worth it,” replies Adee as she pull chokato ice cream out of her purse.

“You cannot eat in here,” says Kira.

“Too bad,” she scoffs.

Natu then takes away the ice cream and she chases after him. “Security!” he yells and the shadow Zafara and red Chomby take her out of the catacombs.

“She was right; this is the best flavor,” agrees Natu as he starts eating the ice cream.

“Hypocrite,” mutters Kira. “Our next guest is Stan from Grand Theft Ummagine.”

“Thanks for inviting me,” says Stan.

“Why are the Elephante morphing potions that you use only temporary?” asks Kira.

“The desert heat affects the chemical composition. If you want to morph permanently in the Lost Desert, you need to keep the potion’s temperature below 85 degrees.”

“Why don’t you get a real job?” asks Natu between bites of his ice cream.

“I like the adventure.”

“Are you a part of the Desert Scarabs?” asks Kira.

“They are too boring.”

“I think your hat is stupid,” remarks Natu. Without warning Stan leaps toward Natu. “Security!” screams the Pteri and the security guards haul Stan away.

“Why did you say that?” asks Kira angrily.

“It is true,” answers Natu.

“Fair enough,” says Kira. “Natu, weren’t we sitting on a sofa?”

“Yes, so what is your point?”

“It is no longer here. That no good rotten thief!” yells Kira.

“Even worse, he took my ice cream too!” wails Natu. “This couldn’t get any worse.”

“Heads up!” shouts Geoffrey from Chia Bombers 2 as he bombards Natu and Kira with water balloons.

“Look! A yellow fuzzle,” squeals Natu as he picks up the toy, only to have it blasted by Zygorax from Evil Fuzzles from Beyond the Stars.

“Remind me to tie your beak shut during our next interviews,” says Kira.

“Sorry to leave early, everyone, but we need to buy some new furniture,” says Natu. “See you next time!”