A Pirate Called Pudgywinks: Part Two

      Outside, Lertley contemplated what to do. Pudgywinks clearly wasn’t going to listen to him, no matter what he said. What pirate would listen to a mere “landlover”? And if Pudgywinks thought himself a pirate, clearly nothing Lertley said would make any difference. And he didn’t want to risk crossing swords with that kid again. Perhaps if he just sat outside the door and made sure that the kid didn’t come out, he could just wait until Amelia got back. Lertley put his weary and bruised back against the wall and slid down to sit on the floor. He sighed and listened for any commotion within the room.

      His bliss lasted about five seconds.

      Lilly came upstairs again, this time without Tweedles in tow.

      “Lertley, I have Tweedles working on a poem downstairs; is everything alri...”

      She stopped when she found Lertley slumped against the wall, and she strode over and gave him a swift kick in the side.

      “OW! What the...!? Lilly!!”

      “What in the name of Neopia are you doing out here, lazy bones!?” she yelled. “You’re supposed to be watching Pudgywinks! The crazy guy might hurt himself in there by falling off of the mizzenmast or something! Now stop slacking and get in there! We’re supposed to be babysitting for poor Amelia!”

      “But...”

      “Now, Lertley.” Lilly stomped downstairs without a backwards glance.

      Pudgywinks might hurt himself. Ha! Lertley was the one who was more likely to get hurt in there!! Then again...

      Lertley tipped his head back against the wall and let out a long sigh through his pursed lips. She was right, of course. If Pudgywinks hurt himself while he was supposed to be keeping watch, he didn’t even want to think about the consequences. But perhaps he just needed to think. Clearly he was going about entering the room all wrong. Perhaps if he just knocked...

      Lertley got up and tapped his chin thoughtfully. Then, without thinking twice about it, he rapped on the door.

      For a moment there was no answer. Then the door creaked back slowly and menacingly and a beady, accusatory eye peered out.

      “What be yer business, landlover?”

      “I... um... seek passage on your vessel?”

      “Give me five-hundred dubloons and I’ll ferry ye an’ yer cargo anywhere.”

      “Five-hundred dubloons!” Lertley cried. For a pretend trip on a ship that didn’t even exist? He didn’t even have one dubloon! The kid was out of his mind.

      “Ye can best be on yer way or I’ll be makin’ ye walk the plank!” Pudgywinks cried, slamming the door in Lertley’s face.

      Lertley let out another huff, and circled the hallway once in frustration. Then he got another idea. He knocked again on Pudgywinks’s door and once again the door creaked open.

      “Y’d best be movin’ on, now!”

      “Look, Pudgywinks...”

      “That’d be Captain Pudgywinks to ye!”

      “Ok, ok. Captain Pudgywinks, I can’t pay you, but I can help you run your ship and whatnot. Maybe that’d ‘gain me passage’ so you’d let me come into your room?”

      Pudgywinks narrowed his one eye at Lertley through the cracked door.

      “I must consult me first mate.”

      “First mate?” Lertley wondered in confusion, but Pudgywinks had already closed the door. The Gelert put his ear to the door. From within there was a rustling and a bird-like squawk. Then the door opened, this time wide enough to pass through, and Pudgywinks stood beckoning proudly with a small, green Pawkeet on his shoulder.

      “That’s your first mate?”

      “Aye. Don’t be comin’ too close. Greenbeard be the fiercest buccaneer ever to sail the seas!”

      “Greenbeard?”

      Greenbeard let out a squawk.

      “Ok, then.”

      Lertley took a few hesitant steps into the room, and to his relief, the plastic sword stayed sheathed in Pudgywinks’s belt where it belonged. Pudgywinks scurried back up the mizzenmast and peered through the telescope. Lertley found a chair over in the corner of the room and sat down where he was out of the way. Maybe Pudgywinks would forget he was there.

      Of course not.

      “Ye!” Pudgywinks called down to Lertley. “Take the wheel! Set us at a starboard bearing!”

      “What!?”

      “Now, pirate! Or I’ll make ye walk the plank!”

      “But...”

      In a flash Pudgywinks was down the ladder and threatening Lertley with his plastic sword.

      “Look! I don’t know what you want me to do!”

      Pudgywinks sighed and exchanged a weary expression with Greenbeard who was still perched atop the crow’s nest.

      “I’ll show ye this one time, ye hear?”

      “Thanks.”

      Pudgywinks grabbed the wheel and turned it to the right.

      “Starboard be this way.”

      Then he turned it back to the left.

      “Port be this way.”

      “Got it.”

      “Good.”

      Pudgywinks climbed back up and sat in the crow’s nest with his telescope. Lertley took the wheel as Pudgywinks began yelling out directions.

      “Port, starboard, port, straight, port, starboard, starboard, straight, straight, port!”

      Lertley spun the wheel each direction as Pudgywinks called out. Just as he felt as though he was getting a hold on the situation, the little pirate captain jumped down from the crow’s nest and brandished his sword at Lertley.

      “We be anchorin’ here, pirate, and we be searching for treasure soon enough. Now, I want these decks swabbed. I be off to check me treasure map.”

      “Um... swabbed?”

      Pudgywinks threw a mop at Lertley, which Lertley caught before it hit him in the head.

      “Ok, sure.”

      Lertley began wiping the wooden floor with the mop, and Pudgywinks went over to his bed. He reached underneath it and pulled out a rolled up piece of paper which he then unfolded and laid out on the bed. He stared at it lost in thought, and Lertley watched him, absentmindedly “swabbing the deck.” Then Pudgywinks looked up suddenly and exploded at Lertley, dragging the cannon out from the wall and readying it for shooting.

      “DON’T LOOK AT THE MAP!!!! IT’S MINE!!” Pudgywinks howled.

      “I didn’t see the map!” Lertley squealed, backing up against the wall and holding the mop out in front of him for defense. “What’s so important about it anyway?”

      “THAT THERE BE MY MOST SECRET TREASURE MAP!!! IT’D BE CHAOS FOR THAT TO FALL INTO THE WRONG HANDS!!!!”

      “I told you I didn’t see it!! Why don’t we go have a snack downstairs and look for the treasure later?!” Lertley offered, desperate to distract Pudgywinks from shooting plastic cannon balls at him.

      “There be snacks on this here deserted island?” Pudgywinks questioned, skeptically.

      “Um... yeah. Coconuts, and berries and such.”

      “I get me some coconuts.”

      “Ok, let’s go.”

      Lertley followed Pudgywinks as he bounced down the stairs into the living room where Lilly and Tweedles were surrounded by various pieces of paper.

      “Wiwwy?”

      “Yes?”

      “Wat whymes wit nice?”

      “Ice? Mice? Dice? Twice?”

      “Twice! Tank du.”

      “No problem, Tweedles.”

      Lilly looked up then, from the poem she was writing and saw Lertley looking at her expectantly.

      “What?”

      “I don’t suppose she left any snacks out for them?”

      “Well... it’s twelve now, so I guess we can break for lunch.”

      “Sounds good. I’m beat. Literally...”

      Lilly looked at him, confused, and Tweedles gently set down her crayon and took Lilly’s hand as she led them into the kitchen. Pudgywinks was marching along fine, and then turned back to Lertley, his one, unpatched eye narrowed.

      “There be coconuts for lunch?”

      “I... don’t know....”

      “YOU SAID THERE BE COCONUTS!!!”

      “Pudgywinks! Shhhh!! Calm down!”

      Lilly turned around at gave Lertley a “you definitely don’t know how to handle children like I do” expression.

      “Is everything ok back there?”

      “Does it sound okay?!”

      “I WANT COCONUTS!!!!!!” Pudgywinks threw himself down in a huff.

      Lilly walked calmly over to Pudgywinks and said, “Look, sweetie, we don’t have any... AHH!”

      Pudgywinks began smacking her with the sword that he had unsheathed from his belt. Lilly fell over and Pudgywinks jumped on top of her and started whacking even harder.

      “COCONUTS!!!”

      “LERTLEY, DO SOMETHING!!!”

      Lertley was about to step forward and attempt to subdue Pudgywinks when Tweedles marched over to her brother and screamed, “STOP IT, BWODER!! YOU BE BAD, BAD PIWATE!! YOU NO HIT PEPOWE!!”

      Pudgywinks stopped at once, and Lilly scrambled to her feet.

      “Du can have nice cookie instead,” Tweedles said, looking pointedly at Lilly and Lertley for support.

      “Um... yeah... of course,” Lilly stammered.

      “Cookies fit for a pirate, mates?”

      “Cookies fit for a pirate,” Lertley assured him.

      “But first you have to eat your buccaneer sandwich,” Lilly insisted, striding into the kitchen and removing two sandwiches from the fridge. Lertley scoffed at how easily she regained control of the situation. Tweedles and Pudgywinks brushed past him and plopped down at the kitchen table where they began to devour their sandwiches. Lilly strode back out into the living room and beckoned Lertley into a corner.

      “Has he been like this the entire time?” she whispered.

      “This, and worse.”

      Lilly bit her lip. “No wonder Estella was able to pick this pair up at the pound. Autumn would surely never have put up with him.”

      “Well, she might have, having the heart of gold that she does, but yes, I see your point.”

      “Poor Amelia.”

      “Yeah.”

      “Well, we’ve only got him for another hour, so do you think you can handle him?”

      “Yeah. There’s an order to his disorder.”

      “What’s that supposed to mean?”

      “I mean, he acts like a pirate more than he acts like a little kid. So you’ve got to treat him like a pirate. Get it?”

      “Sure. After lunch, we should let them outside to get their energy out. That’s what Amelia said to do.”

      “Agreed.”

      Then Pudgywinks and Tweedles called from the kitchen, “Ready for cookies, now!”

      “Coming!” Lilly called back.

      Lilly and Lertley walked back into the kitchen and distributed said cookies to the Kyrii and the Mynci.

      “Alright!!” Lilly announced when they were finished. “Let’s go play outside!”

      “Okay!” Tweedles cried, jumping down from her chair and racing for the door.

      “I must be gettin’ somethin’ from me ship first,” Pudgywinks mumbled through his final mouthful of cookie. Then he scurried off upstairs.

      Lilly gave Lertley a “you’d better follow him right now” look. Lertley sighed and tromped upstairs to see what Pudgywinks was up to.

      When Lertley entered the “ship” he found Pudgywinks on his bed reading the map. The baby pet looked up and immediately reached for his plastic sword, but Lertley quickly shielded his eyes and turned his head.

      “I’m not looking! I’m not looking!”

      “Good, pirate,” Pudgywinks said, rolling up his map and sticking it in his belt.

      Greenbeard let out a squawk from atop the mizzenmast.

      “Does he want to go play outside too?” Lertley asked of the Pawkeet.

      “Nay,” Pudgywinks answered. “Estella calls him an in-ship bird if ye understand.”

      “Oh. Okay.”

      “Let’s be on our way.”

...

      Estella’s yard was one of the richest Neohome yards that Lertley had ever seen. It made him wonder why Amelia insisted on coming over to Autumn’s drab little excuse for a house. It wasn’t that Autumn didn’t try, she really did. She just insisted on spending neopoints on other things like writing utensils and classes for Lilly, ballet lessons for Luna, telescopes and other scientific equipment for Capricorn, and Yooyuball season tickets for himself. Not to mention special paint brushes. He was about to receive a purple one to replace his speckled coat, as soon as Autumn had saved the remaining neopoints. Lilly had been painted striped and then faerie. Luna had been the first one painted and had taken on a beautiful cloud color, which she hoped to replace with a royal dress. And Capricorn took the cake for the most color changes going from starry to Halloween to starry and Halloween. The house didn’t need to be huge. They got along fine. Other Neopians, though, insisted that a giant Neohome represented giant amounts of wealth. Estella was one of these neopians.

      “Wow,” Lilly exclaimed. “A swing set, a trampoline, a slide, and a sea-saw?”

      “Des,” Tweedles answered. “I wike duh swings. My bwoder wikes duh twampowine.”

      “I see,” said Lertley who was now observing some rather incredible trampoline acrobatics by Pudgywinks.

      “Well, go play!” said Lilly, urging Tweedles towards the swing set. Then she turned and whispered to Lertley, “Forty five minutes. You can make it, right?”

      “Course,” Lertley answered, watching Pudgywinks nail two front flips in a row. “He just needed to get his energy out earlier.”

      “Hope you’re right. I’ll be right over here if you need any trouble.”

      “Ok.”

      Luckily for Lertley, the pirate kid didn’t need much else besides his trampoline to entertain him, and he was spared from any more painful assaults. He actually enjoyed watching Pudgywinks flip for that last three quarters of an hour, during which the baby Kyrii flipped again and again, never seeming to tire. He babbled to himself endlessly in pirate, for the first time seeming to be wrapped up completely in his own thoughts. It was wonderful. Lertley watched him lost in thought about the pound, and the pirate’s past life there. Even with his aggressive tendencies, no one could deny that Pudgywinks was a funny, cute kid. How could anyone have left him among all those abandoned pets? Then again, he was a painted baby, and someone was bound to snap him up right away, which had most likely spared his previous owner worry. Who could resist such an adorable kid?

      Lertley thought about Pudgywinks’s curious color. Baby. Who in their right mind would have painted this guy baby? Usually, owners painted their pets baby if they were excessively immature or liked acting cute or sometimes because they were the youngest in a family. But a kid that thought he was a pirate? He could understand his sister, Tweedles’s color; baby suited her baby talk, but a pirate? It didn’t make a whole lot of sense.

      “Hey, Pudgywinks...” Lertley began as Pudgywinks bounced out of an epic spin. “Have you ever wanted to be painted pirate instead of baby?”

      Pudgywinks reacted violently (didn’t he always?) to Lertley’s inquiry and leapt at him, his sword waving.

      “THAT’D BE AN AWFULLY PERSONAL QUESTION YE BE ASKIN’ ME!!” he yowled.

      Lertley, who’d expected this, backed away slowly and calmly.

      “It was just a question, Pudgywinks. Captain Pudgywinks, I mean.”

      “YE BEST NOT BE ASKIN’ AGAIN!!” Pudgywinks roared. There was something not just angry, but accusatory as well, to his voice.

      “Okay, okay. I won’t ask again.”

      “Ye best speak of other things...”

      “Okay... do you like the Altador Cup? Yooyuball, I mean?”

      “Me likes the Krawk Island team.”

      “Thought so. I’m a roamer. Haven’t really decided on a favorite yet. I had my heart set on Faerieland for a while, but this year I’m thinking more Team Maraqua. Possibly Roo Island.”

      “Krawk Island be the best.”

      “Think so?”

      “I know it. Pirates be best. Always.”

      Pudgywinks bounced slightly, and looked away, almost sadly.

      “Is everything okay, Captain Pudgywinks?”

      “Aye.”

      There was a creak as the back door opened suddenly and Amelia stuck her face out of the house.

      “You’re back!” Lilly cried. “How was your day?”

      “Excellent, I finished all of my errands, and now we’ll actually have food!” Amelia answered. She bit her lip, then said, “I hope they weren’t any trouble...”

      “Not at all,” Lertley said, confidently. “When you’re as good with children as my sister and I, not even the worst cases will confound you.”

      Lilly rolled her eyes. Amelia laughed, relieved.

      “Good, I’m glad. Did you two have a nice time?”

      “Des!” Tweedles said sweetly.

      “AYE!!” bellowed the pirate.

      “That’s good,” Amelia cooed. “Say goodbye to Lilly and Lertley, you two.”

      The Xweetok and the Gelert began walking towards the Neohome’s back door.

      “Bye, bye!” Tweedles called after them.

      “Be seein’ ye later!!” Pudgywinks yelled.

      Lilly and Lertley paid their respects to the two youngsters and followed Amelia back through the house to the front door.

      “Pudgywinks wasn’t a problem, was he?” Amelia asked when they were out of earshot of the two children.

      “Not a bit. We enjoyed ourselves,” Lertley answered, causally rubbing the bruise on his shoulder.

      “That’s... nice,” Amelia answered slowly.

      “And listen,” Lilly said. “If you ever need help with those two, be sure to give us a call. Really, we’re here for you.”

      “Thanks, Lil’.”

      “Don’t mention it!”

      Amelia got out her purse and handed them each five hundred neopoints.

      “Here, you guys are the best.”

      “You really don’t need to... OW!” Lilly began to protest the payment, but Lertley kicked her on one of the purple spots on her leg where she’d been smacked by Pudgywinks. “I mean... thanks.”

      The siblings accepted their neopoints and left Amelia’s Neohome by means of the front door.

      “Bye!” Amelia shouted once after them before closing the door.

      “Later!” Lilly called as the door latched. Then she turned on Lertley and smacked him across the face. “Was that TRULY necessary!?”

      “What?!” Lertley squealed, rubbing his face.

      “That poor friend of mine has to put up with not only an owner whom she wishes she didn’t have, but two younger siblings whom she never asked for. How would you like to take the brunt of the blows from that little monster’s sword EVERY DAY OF YOUR NO GOOD LIFE!!??”

      “Lilly. We did a job. And a hard one at that. I want money for my efforts and I think that Amelia would like to pay us. She has the money, and besides, it makes her feel less like she has to accept charity from us. No one likes being weak enough that they have to accept...”

      Lilly was staring daggers into Lertley during his speech, but that wasn’t what cut him off. Amelia burst out of her front door again in a tizzy.

      “HELP!! SOMEBODY HELP!!”

      “What is it?” Lilly asked, rushing over to her friend and taking her paws in her own.

      “It’s Pudgywinks.”

      “What’d he do now?” Lertley asked.

      “He’s GONE!!”

To be continued...