Cavillace's Guide to Customising a Mutant Neopet

As old as I am, I do not fail to notice the youth and their fads and fashions. I see how they prance about, wrapping themselves in all manner of scarves and jewels, wigs and makeup, doodads and trinkets. I have also noted that there are those who would deem themselves experts on this customising business, people who write articles for the Neopian Times wherein they dispense their advice on all matters sartorial. To that end, I have decided to submit my own article for those who share my mutant form. Here is your option for how to customise a mutant Neopet:

1. Elegant Mutant Cape

Not only is this plush red cape only wearable by mutants, it is actually the only item in all of Neopia that a mutant can wear.

And that concludes the list of wearables for Mutant Day.

Does that seem an appropriate list? Could one, indeed, refer to a set of one as a "list"? Does this bother me, personally, in my self-assigned duty as a representative of those who, like me, have received the gift of transmogrification from Dr. Sloth (all hail Sloth, may he soon return victorious to rule over all Neopia) ?

While the first and second of those questions might be considered rhetorical, I will deign to answer the third, to wit: am I put off by the fact that there is only one item in all of Neopia that can be worn by mutants?

No. I am not.

While those Neopets with their fuzzy fur, sleek feathers, glittering scales and perfumed hides might try to disguise themselves with their hats and pants and shirts and dresses and who knows what all, I, and those other like me who count ourselves fortunate to sport the mutant form, are perfectly content to display ourselves as we have been made. As I outlined above (in case at the time you thought I was merely bragging about the warty skin and jagged claws), I have a form which is unique and beautiful, unlike any other. And so why would I want to cover myself with common clothing?

Further to my above list, I would now like to add another: how not to customise a mutant Neopet:

1. Elegant Mutant Cape

I would like to make the case that no mutant need feel the shame of their non-mutant brethren, whatever shame it is that drives them to cower beneath obscuring wardrobes. I don't believe there is a mutant Elephante alive who would willingly cover up his lumpy head or squirming tail. Nor is there a mutant Gnorbu who would consent to being hidden beneath a sheath of red velvet, for how then would his drool flow free? A mutant Hissi would no doubt argue about which neck to tie the bow around and a mutant Jetsam's tentacles would get tangled in its length. The Ogrin, Peophin and Pteri display colours too rich to be improved upon by mere woven fabric and the mutant Grundo thinks the cape would make him look fat.

No, for these and a thousand other reasons, I would implore you not to hide our forms beneath the Elegant Mutant Cape, but rather to allow us to appear in the perfection of our bodies as imagined by the dear Dr. Sloth (all hail Sloth, may he soon return victorious to rule over all Neopia).

One might quibble that customising goes beyond what might be simply labelled as "clothing", and that there is a wealth of trinkets and backgrounds and various other items available. It should also be noted that while a mutant is not actually permitted to hold anything, a mutant does, however, have permission to stand beside or in front of such items, and to this I say: fine.

Go ahead and place your trinkets. Apply a background. I have suffered to acquire such things myself. For instance, I have agreed to sport a Magical Quill and Book-- it is where I keep the secrets I mentioned earlier, those secrets I cannot afford to lose. Although it hovers beside me, beside my razor claws, my barbed tail, my point-tipped wings, no one has ever yet approached near enough to steal even a glance at its magical pages. I assure you that the secrets therein are perfectly safe.

As you can see, I am not entirely unreasonable when it comes to customising me and the other mutants like me. Just please do not start to weigh down our hands and arms with your staffs and lanterns and pretty picnic baskets. Do not bind our powerful bodies with your capes. We mutants do need to keep our appendages free, for our day will come to rise, to join Dr. Sloth (all hail Sloth, may he soon return victorious to rule over all Neopia)... but of course that's a secret for now.

It's all in the book.