How Not to Get Eaten By a Lupe

If you're a Chia, know a Chia or know of Chias, you'll know the terror that they face on a daily basis. Other Neopets' cares revolve around not getting Sneezles, having more toys than their friends and winning the Beauty Contest, but Chias live in constant fear of being snatched up as a snack by a passing Lupe. It has long puzzled me why this is tolerated, but my attempts to contact the Defenders of Neopia for a quote on the issue failed. I did, however, receive a huge, hefty bag of neopoints the next day with an attached note saying 'be quiet'. I do hope that I'm typing this softly enough for my mysterious benefactor!

But as the closest thing Neopia has to a police force seems content to let Chias get gobbled up, I've decided to step up to the plate (but not literally). Chias, here are some sure-fire ways to not get eaten this Chia Day!

Dress Up as Something Else

Lupes like to eat Chias. We can't change this without a lot of hypnotherapy or something, so let's look at the problem from another angle. What don't Lupes like to eat? Luckily, we're not dealing with Grarrls, so we have lots of options. Lupes do not like to eat dung, or books, or JubJubs. Bam. Right there we have three costume ideas which, if you are convincing enough, will stop you from being gulped by a hungry Lupe.

How detailed and relevant your costume has to be depends on the intelligence of your local Lupes. If they're the kind who spend three hours a day chasing their own tails, they probably won't realise that a walking giant dung is a little out of the ordinary. If they are frequent winners of Lenny Conundrums, you'll want to step up your game a little. Think of something around the same size as you to dress up as, something that can move about of its own accord. If you've got a lot of Chia friends, consider dressing up as the Snowager. I guarantee that no-one except die-hard avatar fanatics will bother you.

Get Tough

But do you really want to spend your life dressed up as something you're not? Of course not! It's important to be true to yourself and, more importantly, your poor owner spent a lot of money on your fancy-pants clothes and accessories, which you're now hiding by pretending to be a cloud. Incidentally, clouds tend not to be found on the ground, so you might want to reconsider that costume decision.

So what do I do, you wail. For a start, you want to stop wailing, because Lupes have very sensitive hearing. Also, you're hurting my ears. In the long term, you need to make it so when a Lupe tries to eat you, you'll be ready to give it a good smack and send it running off, never to bother you again. For that, it's time to get training. Luckily, Neopia has two training schools – The Academy on Krawk Island and the Mystery Island Training Centre on, as you might have guessed, Lutari Island. Wait, no, the other one. Mystery Island. You'll need either lots of dubloons or lots of codestones but isn't not getting eaten worth a small fortune?

But being tough isn't enough by itself. You'll need to also...

Get Equipped

You'll need some weaponry to go with your newly developed strength. What weapons you get depends on your budget, your strength, and how much your owner loves you. If they secretly want you to run away, they'll probably just give you a piece of driftwood they pulled up whilst fishing. Do not accept this. There are plenty of budget weapons that can pack quite a punch, some of which they might already have. If they regularly go to Coltzan's Shrine in the hopes of getting a million neopoints, they probably have a Scarab Ring or two sitting in their Safety Deposit Box. Scratchcard addicts will surely have mountains of snowballs sitting around, as long as they've not melted. Get as many weapons as you can carry, and then cry until your owner gets you a backpack to stuff more weapons into.

Now, I'm sure this isn't the path for everyone. Not everyone has what it takes to be a master of martial arts and some people object to fighting. Or maybe they just object to wasting hours training when they could be playing Kou-Jong. So yes, there is another way...

Get Smart

If you're really smart, you'll never need to lift a finger to get rid of those salivating Lupes. You can outsmart them, leaving them sitting in the dust wondering what just happened. For this to work, I'm afraid, you must be smart. Luckily for you, in Neopia, intelligence can be gained through hard work or just by spending lots of neopoints. If your owner's bank account consists of three neopoints and a tin of olives, you need to go play some games. Try completing the Faerie Crossword quickly and playing lots of Cliffhanger. If you're lucky, Coltzan might bless you with a few extra intelligence points. You may not be surprised to learn that the Wheel of Knowledge can grant you some extra IQ points. If you are surprised, then you certainly need them.

The other main way of increasing intelligence is through reading books. There are hundreds of books in Neopia, many of which can be picked up cheaply or even free from various dailies, so there's no excuse for being a dullard. But remember: it's just as easy for everyone else to get these books and the intelligence they grant. If you want to leave the other pets (especially the Lupes) scratching their heads, baffled by your brilliance, you'll need to read more and play more intelligence-granting games than anyone else.

Stop Being a Chia

After reading all of that, you might have decided that being a Chia is just too much hard work. Who wants to spend all their time dressed up as something they're not, or bulking up their muscles, or poring over dusty old books in an attempt to stay a step ahead of the ravenous monsters who want nothing more than to munch on you for lunch? Luckily, this is Neopia, and you don't have to keep being a Chia if you don't want to be. Simply drink one of the readily available morphing potions, available at prices suitable for all pockets, even the most lint-filled, or sneak into the secret laboratory until you get zapped into something else. Maybe you'll even decide that if you can't beat them, join them – and turn yourself into a Lupe.

Turn Evil

Or maybe, after reading this, you'll have grown disillusioned with Neopia. Why does no-one protect my species, you cry, beating your tiny, ineffectual little fists on the ground. You don't want to change what you are, but nor do you want your life to revolve around not being eaten. You want... revenge. And who could blame you? Plus, doesn't Dr Sloth look a little like a Chia? It's proof that you, yes, you, could do it too! Just don your mandatory evil goatee, grab the similarly mandatory fluffy white Kadoatie, and start plotting doom for all those stupid Lupes!