An Interview with the Inflatable Balthazar

"Wow. It's so great to have you here with me today. Normally I like to start my interviews off by asking my subject about their name, but I'm sure everybody knows who you are, right? Do you mind if I just call you IB for Inflatable Balthazar?" I ask, excited to be doing such a ground breaking interview.

"Well, actually. Before I go on, I'd like to take this moment to say that I consider myself to be the better Balthazar, not just the Inflatable one. IB is alright for a nickname; I just don't like it when Neopians think of me as the lesser Balthazar just because I'm full of hot air," replies IB a little indignantly, although that may just be an effect of the hot air.

"Wait, so you don't like your Balthazar look alike?" I ask, hoping to get more detail.

"Of course not! That Lupe spends the whole day capturing and selling Faeries to Neopians for neopoints! And that company of his that is on the stock market only makes things worse!" exclaims IB, starting to get a little worked up.

"Oh, well, I'm sorry to bring that up! So after years of getting beat up in the Battledome, is there anything that you want to tell Neopians or that you think they should know?" I ask, hanging on IB's every word in this all important interview.

"One word: OUCH! You know, just because I don't fight back and am studying to one day, be as great as Punchbag Bob does not mean that I don't have feelings too! Neopians should be grateful that I let them get in as many free shots as they do," replies IB, sort of indignant again. I was beginning to think that there might be something to that whole hot air idea.

"Oh... Well, I'm glad that I can help get the word out for you. So, I was wondering. Would you mind if I asked you a couple of fan questions? There are so many things that Neopians want to know about you. It would mean a lot for you to take some time out to answer them," I ask, hoping to get back onto IB's good side.

"Hey, as long as you don't start to beat on me mercilessly, ask as many questions as you would like," replies IB cordially.

"Well," I say, getting ready to ask my first big question, "with all the time you spend in the Battledome, some of my fans would really like to know what you do to blow off some steam..." Before I could finish asking my question, though, IB's eyes seem to grow really big.

"St... st... steam?? I barely have enough air in me after all the Battledome fights. What makes you think I'd want to go home and just blow more of it away?" says IB in a fright.

"Oh my. I'm sorry. That's not what I meant!" I reply quickly, "what I meant to ask is what sort of things you do to unwind after a long day in the Battledome."

"Oh, of course! Why didn't you just say so?" replies IB, lightening up a little bit. "Actually, I have something pretty exciting to announce about what I have been doing with my free time recently."

"Really?" I ask in disbelief, excited about the chance for an even more groundbreaking story.

"Yes! When I'm not duking it out with other Neopians and their pets in the Battledome, I'm busy on the sidelines getting together supplies for a little bottling company of my own..." Before IB can finish, though, I have to interrupt him, a little mad at how he can trash the real Balthazar for bottling faeries and then talk about doing it himself the next moment.

"How could you? Those poor little innocent faeries! What did they ever do to you?" I ask, starting to get angry at the thought of it.

"Oh no," replies IB in a matter of fact sort of way, "you didn't let me finish. I'm not bottling faeries like the other Balthazar is. I'm bottling dirt!"

"Hmm? I'm sorry. I don't follow. What are you bottling dirt for? Is it magical dirt that grants wishes? Is it dirt that is full of dubloons? Or, oh, I know, are there neggs inside the dirt? Maybe you should just cut out the dirt entirely!" I tell IB, a little confused about what he's trying to tell me.

"Oh no. Don't you see? It's not about the dirt. It's all about the bottles. If that other Balthazar is doing so well bottling faeries, I bet people will pay even more money for my beautiful bottles of dirt. Bottles are really amazing, you know?" says IB, clearly excited about the subject.

"I'm not really sure I follow; what about the dirt?" I ask, hoping to get IB to be clearer.

"Well. If you really must know, since I don't capture faeries like my look alike does, there was a group of nice faeries a while back that led me to this site with very amazing dirt. You see, it had the power too... squeek, squeek, squeek, squeekkk," but before IB can finish telling me about this supposed dirt that he is planning to use, it seems like the machine we have been using to communicate has started to malfunction. Despite my efforts and those of the crack team of Grundos that are standing by at Dr. Sloth's order to monitor the machine, we are not able to get it back up and running again.

So there you have it, folks! I'm sorry I was not able to get more out of the Inflatable Balthazar. We may never about his dirt bottling business, but I hope that all my readers will appreciate what I could get out of him before the machine went bad. Who knows? One day, Dr. Sloth may get the machine up and running again and I can finish my interview with IB. Until then, that's all for now!

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