The Top Five Best & Worst Xmas Toys for your Neopet

Although I published the first edition of this incredible work two years ago on an old account, I promise that two years on I am still a comic genius.

With Christmas close at hand, it's important that we don't disappoint our beloved Neopets with tatty toys and cheap junk, which is why this list was formulated. You can happily go and purchase the top five best toys from this list, and steer clear of the top five worst. Perhaps you're here simply to see me hate on some of Neopia's most vile playthings. However you use this article, use it with humble intent. After all, it is Christmas!

Bring on the toys! :-D

-BEST-

10. If your Neopet is obsessed with Plucko Bricks, why not buy them some?! These little cubes of knobby plastic can be used to build anything and everything. Despite being a little bit on the pricey side at 17,000NP (est price), Plucko Bricks are a durable, engaging playthings that I'm sure your most masculine and feminine Neopets would put to good use this holiday season! These bricks would be ranked 9th if it wasn't for the pain they cause if you happen to stand on one.

9. The Illusen Beauty Bust was a gem of a find. Now fans of the Earth Faerie herself can give her a beautiful makeover, with eye shadows, and other quality make up. What's more, it can also be defaced by those who prefer Neopia's evil inhabitants. It's good to see the Neopian toy industry create products with all its consumers in mind.

8. Sometimes, the best kind of toy is one with an air of simplicity, and a good old fashioned Gumball Machine is no exception. Not only can it be refilled, but it'll also teach your Neopet the importance of saving money. Because you're not really going to keep giving them a coin to get a gumball they haven't earned themselves, are you?

7. If you read 2010's edition of this article, you may remember the Wind Up Faerie Xweetok. Guess what? It's back and has risen from nine to seven! We're in love with this toy, and are sure you will be too. It has been discovered that you can have 'Wind Up Faerie Xweetok Wars' simply by allowing two of them to fly into each other repeatedly, until one of them's wings fall off. Not everyone's cup of tea, but at least it'll keep the kids amused.

6. So close, but no coconut! Just one spot away from being 2012's best toy is the amazing Toy Detective Kit. This is the real deal. In plastic. All kinds of detective gear is just begging to be played with here, and the specially-designed carry case makes this the perfect toy for on-the-go play. Find your sister's missing doll. Find the person who stole it. FIND THE MEANING OF LIFE!

5. This is it! Tadaa! 2012's must-have toy is the glorious Neoquest II Tent. Now your Neopet can feel like a King or Queen with the greatest tent ever created...ever. Ever. EVER. It doesn't just look like a castle; it IS a castle, with three (yes, trois!) rooms! Place it next to a real castle and revel as people try and spot the difference. If you're going to buy any toy for your Neopet this year, make it this one!

Q : Can you afford to rake out 35000NP to purchase this tent?

A : No.

-WORST-

4. For every good toy, there's an absolutely terrible one. If the Krawk Clacker was entered into the Best Worst Toy Contest, it would probably win, because, quite frankly, it's a load of rubbish. Apparently, it 'makes lots of noise as it opens and shuts its mouth.' and that's all it does. In other words, if you gave this to your Neopet for Christmas, it'd probably slap you in the face.

With the clacker.

3. Psst...do you like crystals? How about useful ones? Nah, me neither. The Useful Crystal is at number 3 this year, purely because crystals, especially useful ones, don't tend to be very fun.

2. Oh, how we hate the Quiguki Surf Set. Unsurprisingly, this is the second Quiguki item to make one of my lists, which really says something. Because Quiguki is nothing but an Usuki knock off, the products in its awful range are made of the cheapest, nastiest plastic imaginable.

If your Neopet is unfortunate enough to receive one of these from a friend, the best thing to do is melt it in a microwavable bowl and mould it into a slightly better toy.

1. Vomit bowls at the ready, Neopia! The number one worst toy this Christmas is...

...are you ready for this? I know I'm not.

Kacheek Baking Set. Oh. My. Goodness.

'Oooh Mommy, look at how cute it is!'

'Wow, you can make gorgeous cakes with pink sprinkles and buttercream icing!'

No no no no NOOOO! Don't buy this!

Yeah, baking is fun, but the finishing product should taste good. Little does your Neopet know, that the pink Kacheek head adorning the mixer is actually grimacing at them - grimacing because the batter it is whipping up is going to turn into the most disgusting 'cake' imaginable. The cakes taste gut-wrenching. The utensils are naff. The mixer is liable to explode. Everything that could possibly be wrong with a toy, is wrong with this toy. Here are some customer reviews:

'Absolutely awful. My Ruki took one look at her finished cake and flushed it down the toilet.'

'A waste of Neopoints! The mixer whisk came loose and smacked me in the face!'

'You mean the stuff you make is supposed to be EDIBLE?!'

AVOID.

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And with that, I conclude this year's Top Five Best & Worst Xmas Toys for your Neopet article. I really do hope you had as much fun reading this as I had writing it. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!