 Eight Ways to Remember Sloth
by codswobble
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The party banners are left flapping in the wind, and the Sloth wigs are left scattered in the ground. You most favourite villain is once again forgotten. As you open the puke-coloured door into your red, black and green house you look back on the empty street. How could people be so cruel and forget Dr. Sloth, the evil genius, so easily? As you go into the hallway you notice a speck of dust on Sloth's gleaming portrait, signed by the true Grundo Master himself, of course, and you notice a fine layer of dust. You shudder to think of what your cuddly Sloth toys would think if they saw that. To help you overcome the grief of Neopia's Sloth forgetfulness, I have some tips for you:
1. Sew your own Sloth plushie
The time and planning of this momentous task would surely take your mind off things, I mean, there's the thread colour, the size, the stuffing to think about. You could even get some tips of the great plushie tycoon! Once you've made one, you can make more! Ever thought about a purple Sloth? Now here's your chance! Just send a colourful plushie to Sloth's own Grundo fashion guru and maybe you'll see your favourite villain sporting a cloak you designed!
2. Make a plan to obtain control of Neopia*
Everyone knows this is what Dr. Sloth would really like, and what better way to please your idol than to give him Neopia wrapped in a revoltingly green ribbon? Make sure you make a detailed step by step plan to make sure everyone taking part know where they are meant to be and what they are meant to be doing. You don't want make a failed attempt; failing is not Sloth-style. It's important to keep who this is for in mind. You can't trust yourself with the task of running Neopia. Make sure the controls are sent to Sloth. 3. Learn to make beach sculptures
Oh, the beautiful beaches of Mystery Island are just disgustingly calm and peaceful. Why not show your contribution to Sloth's empire by dedicating your own Sloth Sand Statue to the great villain himself. You could even have a grand opening and invite the model himself! Just make sure no one sees what you're doing before you are done, because the surprise would be ruined!
4. Make a notation of all Grundos you see
This would make sure that any Grundos in the area are not escapees, because escapees were not given permission to leave and therefore may not be safe to approach. I repeat, do not approach a wanted Grundo, many of them have accented hearing and will run and hide if you sneak up. Notify your nearest Sloth correspondence and let them take credit for it. 5. Decorate the streets
If you manage to find the right putrid green you could decorate the streets of Neopia with pictures of Dr. Sloth! Who wouldn't be pleased to wake up to a picture of his yellowed eyes peering at them? Or even just a silhouette of his outline would do, I mean, everyone knows what Sloth wears! Again this should be done under the cover of darkness. It's inconceivable, but some people don't like Sloth and wouldn't enjoy the beautifying decorations of our streets with his face. 6. Hand out flyers
Flyers can be obtained from your nearest Slothice, (Sloth-office to those unfamiliar with the term) and should be distributed as widely as possible to ensure as many people as possible know about his plans and how to help them along. Surely most people would love to receive a small square of paper in their face, and, even if they don't read it, they'll know by the brain-imploding red upon the black background that it must, must, be Sloth. Hopefully these citizens of Neopia will become interested in Sloths desperate cause, and feel it in their beating hearts to help him. 7. Make up a song
What better way is there to keep Sloth in people's minds than to create a jingle that just won't get out of your head? You could sing it while shopping in Neopia Central, or when fishing at Kiko Lake. The tune isn't important, nor are the words really! Just make sure it's completely annoying and catching then everyone is sure to love it. Hum it, sing it, whistle it – the ideas are endless. If you'd like your jingle read out on Sloth Radio 1 then just send it in! Sloth loves listening to his own radio show, and I'm sure he'd love to listen to your jingle. (But on your head be it). 8. Draw a picture
Pictures are just so versatile; you'll have no end of fun finding places to put them up- and hours of enjoyment drawing them. You could use paint, pencils, paper or just make a collage. Ah, no one forgets an awesome picture once they've seen it. Your art, engrained in the minds of thousands, oh, but make sure it's of Sloth. How about it? Mixing the perfect green may be a challenge, but you can overcome that and become the Sloth artist of the century. Maybe he'll make you his personal portrait-painter. I won't tell you what happened to the last one. Let's just say the nose was slightly off-centre. Sloth's nose is perfectly centred. So those are some tips to keep you occupied until Sloth Appreciation Day next year. I hope you don't forget what the true reasons you adore the evil genius are, because woe betide you if you do. No, keep sculpting, painting, playing and singing and nothing bad will ever happen to you. However, Dr Sloth would like to mention he still retains the right to destroy stuff in your inventory, just because he can.
*Any attempts to take over the world are not the fault of the author, who merely suggested it as an option to gain the favour of the Grundo Master, Dr. Frank Sloth.
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