Neopia's Worst Summer Destinations

Thus, making the right choice regarding your summer destination is vital in order to get an adequate rest for the body, sufficient peace of mind and satisfactory soul searching.

In this guide I will try my best to explain what locations in Neopia you should avoid when spending your summer vacation.

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Moltara:

Stating the obvious here, but this should go without explanation. Moltara is no doubt the hottest place in Neopia, located in a deep volcano mountain and embedded within huge lava pits with very little aeration. You could be simply walking around looking for those elusive worms when a magma rock hits you right on the forehead. Going there willingly for summer vacation is like entering a hot pizza oven on your own legs, which reminds me; there's no pizza to eat there; only tongue-scorching lava and molar-crunching rock foods. The natives bear the million degrees heat because most of them are painted Magma, and those who aren't, well, they have lived their whole lives there and are simply used to it.

Lost Desert:

This seems like an obvious place to avoid during the summer, but you'd be surprised at the number of people who visit The Lost Desert to see the Pyramids, wish at Coltzan's shrine, and tour the Temple of 1000 Tombs. I mean sure, it's a fantastic place, but it's not a summer destination at all. First, it's a desert. This means scorching sun, heat strokes, and shortage of water. Another thing is that the people's idea of fun there is shooting swarms of bugs and playing Tug-o-War all day long, so unless you like getting stung or being thrown into the river time after time, there's nothing much else to do for recreation. It's also a tourist death trap, with villagers trying to sell you anything from burnt food, to cheap replicas of Qasalan daggers, to fake roadmaps to Jazan's Palace. If you must go to The Lost Desert, go in the winter. The sand won't burn your feet then.

Tyrannia:

Despite the recent overhaul in natural scenery to unveil the hot, damp jungle, Tyrannia is still much similar to The Lost Desert, only with rocks instead of sand. But the heat is the same, so are the long dry days and cold nights. Spinning a wheel for several hours, destroying blocks of stone, stumbling into the Lair of the Beast and climbing dangerous cliffs only to jump off again with a parachute; these are not exactly the right activities for someone trying to relax. If you got lost, you can't ask for directions, as you won't be able to understand the natives, who only speak Ugga Ugg. According to the travel brochures, the only places to rent will be "the small grass and straw huts, held together with mud and dung found on the jungle floor," where the furniture is made of hard stone, itchy fur, poking bones, and (you guessed it) smelly dung. They can also be very easily crushed by a passing-by 50 foot-tall pre-historic creature. If you're hungry, you have very few options: The Giant Omelette which gives you only one small helping per day, the weird primordial flora and fauna which Tyrannians deem edible (Sack Plant, Spine Cone, Trilo Bite.. etc.) or, if you're craving some nice grilled meat, you can simply fight a Gargaraptor for its arm, or a poisonous Archaesaurus for its tail (refer to the above 50-foot tall creatures.) Not only that, but lately there have been several dangerous earthquakes, and these days Tyrammet village is flooded with different not-so-nice factions fighting for control over the mysterious obelisk, so it's not really the best time to be there.

Krawk Island:

What's worse than a hot-climate island filled with scurvy pirates looking for quick loot? That very same island during summer season. Despite the Governor's attempts to brighten the image of Krawk Island, the fact is that its reputation is still that it's the "baddest" place in Neopia, especially for tourism. During hot summer days, most pirates avoid sea raids (they leave that to long breezy summer nights,) thus their ships are docked at bay and you can see them roaming the streets of Warf Wharf town looking for gullible visitors to hustle them out of their precious dubloons. Almost everything on Krawk Island is a scam, from gambling games (Bilge Dice, Krawps, and Food Club) to The Golden Dubloon restaurant which serves overpriced rats and squids for dinner, and where you're most likely to pick a fight or two with a scallywag who had one (or five) too many Grogs, then get asked by the The Fontaine Sisters to pay for the damages yourself (plus tip.)

Lastly, FORGET about visiting the Smugglers Cove! These guys are hardcore fiends and you are only welcome if you're literally loaded with dubloons.

Meridell:

How come this small, quiet kingdom which is full of berry farms and potato fields be on this list? The answer is simple: People of Meridell are mostly farmers, and for them, summer is the season of sowing, so they can be ready to harvest the crops in the month of Collecting. This means they'll be busy tilling, fertilizing, planting seeds, and watering. The only activity available is telling King Skarl a bad joke or two while watching him –eat- devour a ham and turkey feast while all you get is a mouldy potato or a bowl of gruel. And in the highly likely scenario of you getting kicked out of his palace, you other fun activities will be: kiss a slimy Mortog, visit the Turmaculus and get whiffs of its stinky breath as it snores 23 hours a day, roll a rotten cheese down the hill and get stains all over yourself, or, best of all: take a walk out in the countryside, where the smell of dung festering under the hot summer sun is nothing less than nauseous. Not to mention the Meridell Rubbish Dump. Tempting.

Haunted Woods:

This place is always dark, moist, and spooky, no matter what time of year it is. People who dare enter the Haunted Woods might very well disappear and turn into ghosts if they're not careful enough. Years ago, there was a nice "Haunted Mansion" which you could visit and play games at, but it was boarded shut a while ago. Either way, the main reason to avoid visiting in the summer is that residents there are not active until a couple weeks before Halloween, so expect year-old candy, rotten food that might bite at you, and bad prizes at Apple Bobbing. Not to mention most of the activities there are rigged: Cork Gun Gallery, Test Your Strength, Bagatelle, Coconut Shy and Sidney's Scratchcards are all quick ways to lose your money before you can say "Eliv Thade."

Kiko Lake:

I know what you might be thinking. Kiko Lake is a nice little place filled with nice little Kikos. But that's the problem. It's too little a place, and it's not really secluded like some people might think. It's only a few miles south of Neopia Central, thus gets crowded rather too fast. Not only you'll be bumping into multitudes of other tourists, but if you're not careful enough you'll step on and hurt a few natives (where did you think they got those band-aids from?) You won't find any lodging unless you book two months in advance. There are no hotels there, but the "nice" Kikos rent out rooms in their private houses for summer tourists - the closer to the lake, the more outrageous the price. You can't really do much for fun: Glass Boat Rides can get really tedious after the first five times. There's nothing much to eat, as most (if not all) of the Treats Shop foods are just candy, mostly rock sticks (goodbye watching your summer figure – hello tooth cavities) and the only souvenirs you can buy are shoddy overpriced furniture made of coral and seaweed. In conclusion, Kiko Lake is a nice place to spend a day or two away, but not a whole vacation.

Roo Island

Have you ever been to an amusement park during summer? If your answer is yes, then you understand why Roo Island is on this list. It's just a big amusement park. And this means one thing: LINES!!!

Getting to the harbor of this supposedly fun place, you'll notice the boats lined up waiting to anchor and drop off the tourists. Of course, the whole place was recently remodeled, and so taxes increased on everything, because King Roo is trying to make his money back as soon as possible. Once you get off, there's a line to buy entrance tickets. During summer, the price of the ticket simply multiplies by 10. After you've set feet on the Island, you'll have to pay money practically anywhere you go. The Games Room has since moved to Roo Island, and you can only imagine how many Neopians play there: every minute of every hour of every day. The Merry Go Round still costs 50NP per round, but it adds up if you're taking all 4 of your Neopets, and the turns are really quick. The Souvenir and Spring Shops sell the most overpriced and non-practical gifts ever. The Art Center is just a branch of the one in Neopia Central, and that sounds good, only its coffee is really bland and overpriced, and the galleries are way more crowded here. And when you get hungry, there's no restaurant or at least a mere food stand in sight. You'll have to pay another fee to enter King Roo's Palace and play Dice-A-Roo, which might cost you a small fortune before you win an apple or a negg. And did I mention the ugly purple bugs which come out at night and fill up your bed? Just avoid Roo Island during the peak season and visit it in a more suitable time, like Spring Break.

Mystery Island:

WAIT! Before you yell out "blasphemy" and start throwing Zeenana peels at me for speaking ill of Neopia's TOP tourist destination, let me explain my point:

Yes, Mystery Island is the best summer destination. It's a beautiful tropical island, with marvelous beaches, lush jungles, and incredible sites: The Mysterious Heads, Techo Mountain, Geraptiku Tomb, etc. You can play Beach Volleyball, visit the native Coconut tribe village, or be a guest at a Tiki party. This is what makes it the worst summer destination, as well. It's the busiest place in all of Neopia during the months of Relaxing and Hiding, with literally thousands of tourists flocking in on a daily basis. The minute you set your feet on bay, you'll be suckered into taking a quick tour around the Island for a low fee of 50 NP per person (which will really add up if you're traveling with your family or friends.) The Coco driving the cart will recommend visiting their native tribe deep in of the jungle, but they will fail to mention they are cannibals. He'll leave you stranded in the middle of nowhere, waiting to be sacrificed to the Island's deity. You barely escape, and you'll be lost in Geraptiku. The famous Lost Tomb is full of deadly traps, and even if you managed to escape those as well, the famous treasure is practically all drained up, and you'd be lucky to get away with a codestone and a thousand coins or so. You get back to "civilization" and all the activities I mentioned above will merely become tiresome: a long wait for your turn to play a single round of Volleyball. It's almost impossible to find a quiet beach spot to relax surrounded by all those strangers. Tiki and Luau parties have become very exclusive and require a VIP pass only acquired at the secret Ninja Training School, and if you climb to the top of Techo Mountain, you'll find hoards of other Neopians who had the same idea: sitting in groups to practice Yoga with the Techo Master, for a mere 50,000 NP per hour. If you want to have a nice meal, you'll have to play a game of Berry Bash for your share of fruit, and that Kougra will most probably mess up your order. After that, if you head down to the Trading Post, good luck finding anything to buy with that Elephante in front of you haggling the price of a secret lab map piece, or that Grarrl bidding on everything edible. As you make your way out of the Island, you'll have to pass by the Tiki Tack Man for a souvenir to take back home, where you'll pretty much have to buy way overpriced bottles of sand, shells and sandals. Not only that, but you'll also get emotionally abused by a couple of the natives asking you "please don't leave us," forcing you to give them a few coins to cheer up. Sucker.

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Thus concludes this guide on the "Worst Neopian Summer Destinatons." However, don't be disheartened, as my next guide will include all the BEST places to spend an awesome summer vacation. Stay tuned.