10 Colors That Will Teach You to Appreciate Flotsams

Of course the skeptics will deny it, indicating the Neopets Popularity page and reminding us smugly that 23rd place is no doubt preferable to 54th. But considering that the Neopets Popularity page does not account for pets that are morphed or zapped into different species, it can hardly be deemed a reliable source. Rather, one simply has to browse the Neoboards and observe active pets in order to acquire any and all information regarding species popularity. UCs, Draiks, Krawks, Kacheeks and Aishas easily lay claim to the top rungs of the popularity ladder. The other species... not so much. Flotsams especially suffer from this lack of visibility. In fact, on an average day in the Pound Chat, the chances of sighting a single Flotsam active pet are agonizingly slim. The Pound Chat regulars themselves can testify to this rarity – one user made a thread remarking that he had never seen a Flotsam up for trade in all his time on the PC.

This Month of Swimming, I've made it my mission to persuade users like yourself that Flotsams would be a worthy addition to your neo-families. To accomplish such a purpose, I have assembled a list of 10 spectacular colors that Flotsams come in. At least one of these fabulous creatures is bound to win your heart. And of course, as soon as I've reeled in some prospective Flotsam fanatics, I can move on to Phase Two of my plan: plotting world domination and ruling with an iron flipper! AND THE FLOTSAM SHALL INHERIT NEOPIA!

...but I'm getting ahead of myself. Ranked from fine to finest, here are ten pieces of visual evidence as to why you, too, should own a Flotsam.

10. Robot

Introducing prototype G-H0T1 v2.0! Take a moment to feast your eyes on this fascinating futuristic fish phenomenon. The platinum-and-aquamarine plating is completely waterproof, durable and hydrodynamic. Sadly, Robot Flotsams are a rare sight – the result of general ignorance of these remarkable cyborgs' existence. For instance, did you have any idea that they even existed? No? Neither did I.

9. Darigan

Mwahaha! There are few things quite as endearing as an evil fish. (Okay, that may have been a slight exaggeration.) Either way, you have to admit that this fellow looks pretty rad. With his crown of spikes – be warned, those aren't just for show – and fearsome clawed fins, let's just say I pity the unfortunate skin diver who gets in this Flotsam's way.

8. Camouflage

Ah, Camouflage, the color that everyone loves to hate. It's a tricky hue to manage, and frankly, it looks not only hideous but impractical on most pets (pray tell, for instance, how a garish purple coat mottled with green can possibly help a Bori blend into any environment...). The Flotsam, however, is a proud exception to that rule. The dappled blue design on the Flotsam's skin perfectly mimics the pattern created by rays of sunlight being refracted by its watery habitat. I venture to say that the Camouflage Flotsam looks significantly better than its Maractite counterpart, a comparison that cannot be argued for the majority of pet species.

7. Transparent

Now we're getting to the bare bones of the matter! (Pardon the pun – it wasn't as humerus as I thought it would be.) Transparent is a cool color, and Flotsams are a cool species, so Transparent Flotsams are obviously twice as cool. Just look at that toothy grin. What's there not to love?

But for the record, though you've had a chance to admire the inner workings of a Transparent Flotsam, rest assured you haven't seen it all. *wink*

6. Royalgirl

The Royalgirl Flotsam enjoys prestige far greater than that of the common pet, and for good reason too. Like any other Royal, the Flotsam exhibits a mien of grace, elegance and nobility. Her pale turquoise coloring is highlighted by regalia that were surely designed by King Kelpbeard's court tailor himself. The outfit consists of a lush green mantle and a set of gold jewelry inlaid with precious stones. Ravishing, no?

5. UC Grey

I know, I know: it's one thing to fall in love with these unconverted Flotsams. To get your flippers on one is another story entirely. These days it's near impossible to break the converted-to-UC barrier through any means other than amazing pet names or spectacular Battledome stats. To make matters worse, the UC Grey Flotsam seems to be especially rare. I've personally only ever seen two of them put up for trade. But I can assure you, dear reader, that the hunt... er... fishing expedition will be well worth your while.

4. Baby

Please look at these beseeching blue eyes and hilarious head-to-body proportion, and tell me that Baby Flotsams aren't some of the most adorable things you have ever seen.

Good, I knew you couldn't do it. There may be hope for you yet.

3. Desert

Easily one of the most charming Flotsam colors available. Flotsams were released in Desert just two years ago, and were greeted with much acclaim – surprising, really, considering that Flotsam Day usually flies (or swims) under the radars of most Neopians. The Desert Flotsam's garment is elegantly tailored to its contours, and the ensemble is set off by an opulent gold headdress. Even without garb, however, the unclothed Desert Flotsam is a sight to behold. Notice the eyes are a beautiful green, almost reminiscent of those coveted Zenco the Magnificent Contacts that every NCer would love to own. And let's not forget the characteristic desert tan that serves as a versatile base color for customization. Perhaps the only criticism of this color is the irony of its name – a Flotsam in the desert would quite literally be a fish out of water – but come now, if Magma Jetsam and Water Peophin both exist, surely Desert Flotsam can be overlooked by even the most coldly logical of us users.

2. UC Plush

At this point you may be wondering, ANOTHER unconverted Flotsam? Lindsey, why must you taunt me? As elusive as they are, I'm afraid it would've been an injustice to leave this color out. As far as trading values go, the UC Plushie Flotsam ranks on the lower end of the unconverted plushie spectrum. In other words, they're not as wanted. BUT HOW CAN THIS BE? Ladies and gentlemen, this is nothing if not a prime example of the injustice of Flotsam under-appreciation. Really, can't you tell this squishy fishy is just BEGGING you to take him home? How could anyone possibly be so heartless as to turn their back on this Flotsam ragdoll, who is clearly in need of a warm water bath and a loving embrace? I urge you to reconsider your indifference to the Flotsam race before it is too late.

1. Silver

And finally, in first place, we have the humble Silver Flotsam. Don't be fooled by the low-cost paint job. This is a stunner of a Silver pet – and I'm not just saying it because I own one of these beauties. *hides Kelseay*

In all seriousness, let's take a minute to admire this specimen. The coloring is impeccable: glossy grey paired with a magnolia underbelly. And those intelligent blue eyes add a depth of character to the that jovial expression. Even among other Flotsam colors, Silver is undeniably a masterpiece.

So water you waiting for? Do I have you hooked yet? ;)

Hand in flipper, it's time we rectify the lack of Flotsam awareness in Neopia.