The Age Old Question

     The smile on the Moehog's face slowly morphed into a frown. "What a what?"

     "Paper," the cloud Shoyru said easily, "or plastic?"

     The rainbow Moehog, by the name of "Edge" as he'd so mightily declared earlier, sucked in a breath and pondered the question. Paper bag? Or plastic bag? "Paper... or plastic. Paper or plastic."

     "It's a simple question," the pink Shoyru behind him said.

     "Right," Edge mumbled. The cloud Shoyru at the register kept ringing his items up. They were few, but still enough to probably feed a small army.

     "What are you going to do with so much food?" she asked.

     "Paper or plastic--I mean, feed my whole family, all twenty one of us," he said with a smile. The Shoyru whistled.

     "Wow," she said. "I only have eight in my family. How is it with twenty one?"

     "Plastic or pape--crowded." He laughed. "I mean, like, I share my room with two of my brothers, Jaws and RL. Most of us do, anyway, we live in a big house 'n stuff so most of us don't need to share but we can..."

     "Paper or plastic?" she said again, reaching toward the bags as she held a can of food in her other hand. Edge pursed his lips once more.

     "Say, uhhh..." He squinted. "Mary-yane."

     "It's pronounced Maryanne," she said cheerfully.

     "Maryyane," he corrected. "Which would you take, in a situation like this?"

     Maryyane blinked. "In what kind of situation do you mean?"

     "I mean, paper or plastic, plastic or paper! It's such a moral dilemma!" Edge frowned once more. "Plastic is bad for the environment, yet paper is made from the environment, so, like, what do I do? Dude, it's so hard."

     "It's not that hard, just pick one," the pink Shoyru said.

     "Yeah," the brown Xweetok behind her said. He puffed out some air, annoyed. "It's just a bag."

     "But neither of them are good!" Edge cried. "I mean, both of them hurt the world somehow! I'm in a dilemma. A big huge dilemma, man."

     "Sir, could you please tell me which you'd like soon? Your total is three thousand neopoints," Maryyane said. Edge's pile of food sat, un-bagged, by the paper and plastic bags.

     Edge reached for his sack of neopoints and counted out three thousand as quickly as he could. "Okay," he said, poking at the last little neopoint. "Paper? Or plastic?"

     "It's not that big a deal!" the brown Xweetok shouted.

     "Be quiet it is!" Edge shouted back.

     "Sir, please don't cause a scene," Maryyane said, worried. She tried to pacify him. "Would you like me to just use what's easiest?"

     "No! No no no." Edge put his hooves on the counter, examining the two bag types closely. "This is a decision I must make on my own."

     ".....You're so weird," the Xweetok said.

     "Why thank you, but I have no time for compliments!"

     "That wasn't--"

     "If it's so important to you," the pink Shoyru said, "think of it as a lesser of two evils thing! Choose whatever is less harmful and get out of here, for Fyora's sake!"

     Edge clicked his tongue in thought. "Lesser of two evils, huh? Plastics do not dissolve or whatever. They never go away when they're thrown away. Paper meanwhile comes from trees, and it takes trees from the environment to make paper, and paper..."

     Edge hummed. He sounded very annoyed.

     "Hey," the Xweetok said. "Come on, I need to get home!"

     "Sir, you're holding up the line," Maryyane said, placing a hand on his shoulder. Edge huffed.

     "Just wait a minute! I'm trying to deliberate!"

     "Don't you mean debate?" a blue Jetsam asked. A red Wocky next to him shook her head.

     "No, deliberate is right here."

     "Sir," Maryyane said. "You're really holding up the line."

     "Just a dang minute!" he shouted. He breathed in, trying to think hard, harder than he had ever thought on the subject of paper or plastic before. He knew from what he'd heard said that the environment and plastic did not mesh well, for whatever reason, and he knew very well that paper came from trees. Paper though meshed well with the environment, since it did come from trees after all, but it kills trees to make paper...

     "Do I have to choose for you or can you grow up already??" the brown Xweetok shouted. He sounded very, very annoyed now. Probably beyond annoyed and into irritated territory.

     "Yeah man," the Jetsam shouted. "I need to go feed my baby brother!"

     "Sir, I'll just give you plastic," Maryyane said, going for the bags. Edge panicked.

     "No!" He grabbed for her arms. "Please no, just give me one more minute please!"

     The crowd behind him groaned. "Oh come on!" the Xweetok shouted.

     "Just take a bag and go," the pink Shoyru said, gesturing at the register counter. Edge whined.

     "But. But...!"

     "I'll give you paper, then?" Maryyane asked. Edge shook his head.

     "No, no," he said. "Just, just let me think for a minute..."

     The line behind him was starting to grumble, and quite loudly if he were to admit it. It was hard to concentrate, especially with the conflicting issue already in his head.

     And then a saving grace appeared in the shape of a woodland Tonu. It was like an angelic choir had decided to take pity on him in this sorry state of indecision.

     "Friend," she said soothingly, like she wasn't actually a stranger and was indeed his friend. She placed her paw on his elbow. "It is not worth causing trouble over such a small decision."

     "But it's a big decision," Edge mumbled pathetically. He tried to hide his face in his arms, but the Tonu pulled him back to face her.

     "Friend," she said. "Just take one. There is always recycling."

     "Recycling? But that's like bottles and stuff," he said. He'd recycled cans and bottles before, but never bags.

     "These plastic bags should be reusable. Even the paper bags are reusable. They can serve more than one purpose," the Tonu said, the soft smile never leaving her face.

     Edge stared at her. "....Oh."

     "Yeah, so pick something and go home!" the Xweetok shouted.

     "Yeah!"

     "Yeah!!"

     The crowd got rowdier and rowdier. Edge smiled at the kind Tonu, who smiled softy once more at him, and then turned back to the cloud Shoyru cashier.

     "I..." He closed his eyes, then opened them. He raised one hand in the air dramatically. "Have made a decision!"

     "Finally!" the pink Shoyru groaned.

     "Great! So go for it now and leave us in peace!" the Xweetok shrieked.

     "I will take..."

     The crowd waited anxiously, holding their bated breath.

     "I will..."

     Edge's bravado began to falter.

     "I...."

     He frowned. Lowered himself to all fours and paused to ponder the age old question, paper or plastic?

     He laughed. "Haha. Now I don't know which is better!"

     There is a reason Edge had been banned from grocery shopping alone. Usually he came home after escaping angry mobs and with only half of the groceries paid for, for one reason or another. KT, his owner, had strictly made sure he was never to leave the house for shopping on his own, but he had broken this rule just this once because everyone else was busy with preparations for some mini celebration he did not remember the name of. Borovan day? Summer solstice? End of final testing? Again, he didn't remember.

     This time's shopping excursion ended no differently, except he had two thirds of the groceries instead of half. An angry group of shoppers, led by a brown Xweetok named Chuddly with severe growing anger issues, chased him out of the shop while pelting him with bags both paper and plastic. Maryyane the cloud Shoyru did nothing but ring up the next customer's items, now that the line had grown so short so quickly. The kind woodland Tony idly wondered why the over-active Moehog didn't just get a reusable bag.

     Edge made it home with the remaining groceries mostly intact, having picked up bags thrown at him and put the food inside of them for better travel storage. His family greeted him at the door, as usual, and his owner was a bit annoyed that he lost one third of the groceries, but happy for food all the same.

     "How'd it go this time?" she asked, unpacking the food into the kitchen. Edge, by her side, laughed a bit guiltily.

     "Ha, uh, well, funny story, Mama, it was all fine and dandy until they asked that age old question..."

The End