Perceptions

     TRANSCRIPT FROM A RECORDED INTERVIEW, HAUNTED WOODS.

     AMANDA: Amanda here, Amanda Nebbin. Cybunny Journalist extraordinaire.

     AMANDA: It’s Balthazar. Balthazar, you know the one. Balthazar.

     AMANDA: Oh, he’s not one of those whose name you can’t say three times. That’s someone else.

     AMANDA: Balthazar is the sort of character who has found his way into the darker lore of Neopia, but he tends to be rather reclusive whenever anyone attempts to ask him how he feels about that. General knowledge places him among the ranks of Scary Bedtime Stories. He’s the reason we have bottled faeries – and no one would want to believe that we had developed new and efficient meant of collecting those, now, would they?

     AMANDA: It’s all because of the Battledome, according to Balthazar’s Very Important Marketing Statement. You don’t get into the Battledome business without appearing tough and aged by experience.

     VOICE 2: Aged by experience? Wha’s tha’ serposed ter mean?

     AMANDA: Oh, oh no. He’s spotted me. He’s coming over – I should probably –

     SHUFFLING SOUNDS, LEAVES RUSTLING, MUFFLED SHOUT.

     VOICE 2 (BALTHAZAR): Wot do yeh mean, ‘aged by experience’?

     AMANDA: Oh nothing, nothing – who’re you? Are you a resident of the Haunted Woods? Do you participate in the Battledome Industry? Can you tell me anything about the legend of Balthazar? Do you like walnuts?

     BALTHAZAR: Yeh just – look, ma’am, I’m not ‘ere fer this sort of – interviewin’ thing. ‘S not my style.

     AMANDA: Not even when I’m from the Neopian Times, or a designated Cybunny Journalist Extraordinaire?

     BALTHAZAR: I don’t read the paper much. Mostly bigger books.

     AMANDA: Oh, well – then – I’m sorry, what’s your name?

     BALTHAZAR: I’m forgetting my manners. It’s Balthazar, Ma’am. Balthazar of the Haunted Woods. My home’s just up the hill there. I just came down to gather some berries for the night an’ found yeh mumblin’ inter some faerie light-up thing I’ve never seen before, tha’s all. Yeh alrigh’?

     A LONG PAUSE FOLLOWS. THEN—

     AMANDA: Then you absolutely must invite me up to your home for an interview! We can share the berries, and I will repay you in Borovans!

     BALTHAZAR: I dunno, ma’am, I’ve just been gatherin’ berries for a quiet night in, I’ve not—well, Borovans ARE my favorite…

     HERE THE TAPE CUTS, OPENING AGAIN:

     AMANDA: Alright, I’ve started recording. Let’s start with a simple question. Why do you live in the Haunted Woods?

     BALTHAZAR: Tha’s yer simple question? Alrigh’, I suppose the main thing I want ter say is I’m not down here ter be sinister or malicious or any o’ that. I live in the Haunted Woods because I like ter be left alone, tha’s all. I think people have lost that message. Actually, maybe it’s a good thing yer runnin’ this interview. I want people ter know I just like my space, not that I like bad things, if that makes any sense.

     AMANDA: Why – why yes, it does make sense. Why do you like to be alone, Balthazar?

     BALTHAZAR: People seem ter be afraid o’ me in the more crowded places. I’m a big guy, and in the past I was not always the nicest ol’ Lupe ter be around. Tha’s where all the stories come from – my younger days, before I got my act together. I sort of bought into the media sensation of capturin’, bottlin’, and sellin’, those faeries without really thinkin’ about where they came from or how they’d get home, yeh see. I still run the business, but I’ve always made friends with the faeries. They volunteer after they go through their own chosen Battledome trainin’. It was always like that, actually, but the rougher side of the legends worked for me, so I let ‘em happen.

     AMANDA: Um, Balthazar – what is it that you like to do? Um, what would you want the public to know about you, now that you have this opportunity to speak to them?

     BALTHAZAR: Well, I s’pose the main thing is I’m better now. Gentler. I like readin’, and writin’, and quiet. I haven’t fought in the Battledome seriously for years – now it’s all fun, all fun. Casual, yeh know. Like when a young li’l Lupe wants ter try out his paws – that’s what I like. Teachin’, I s’pose. I like teachin’ and workin’ with the faeries when I’m not readin’. They’re great friends, they are.

     AMANDA: Balthazar, I think we’ve gotten you all wrong.

     BALTHAZAR: Yeh know what, I think yer righ’.

     AMANDA: So – so – um – what sort of – well, I’d like to run with this interview, if that’s alright. It’ll just be a transcript. A short one. But I’d rather – well, I’d rather people see you for who you are instead of wondering whether I’ve distorted your words or made you up. Does that sound fair to you?

     BALTHAZAR: Yes, I’d like that a lot.

     AMANDA: Excellent. Then, as we close – is there anything else, really, you’d like to share with the world?

     BALTHAZAR: Yes. It’s easy ter get all caught up in that nonsense that gets written about people, but yeh shouldn’t pay it any mind, not really. Not even when it’s people yeh’re sure yeh have figured out. I’d bet you only have half the people figured out that yeh want ter figure out, and I’d bet even those people are only half as similar to yer frame o’ mind as yeh think they might be. People are mysterious an’ strange an’ intricate an’ special, an’ yeh can’t really pin them down in any story. Yeh can just write a few words, and hope it all works out. That’s all yeh can do.

     AMANDA: I think this was a very important interview, Balthazar. Thank you kindly for your time. Where do you get all your profound thoughts and ideas?

     BALTHAZAR: Yeh didn’t see the Neopian Book Award trophy on my mantle? It’s right there, above the fireplace. Yeah, I won that way back when, when I was a Baby Lupe who never wore his scarf, even in the cold. Things’ve changed since then, but I’m still very proud of that first place trophy, mind.

     BALTHAZAR: I’m still proud of all it is I am.