A Hero's Ballad

     A Hero’s Ballad: Accelerando

     ~~

     From out of the Haunted Woods emerged all manner of creatures, many of whom stank like fetid swamp water. Among them was a sickly Tonu, mucus drooling down its nostrils like a fountain. A lime green Zafara-like beast dashed out from behind, its body made of slime so thick and viscous that it moved in waves. Loud slurping could be heard from each step of the sludgy Kau-like monster as it shambled through the brush, sticking brown goo to everything it touched. A ghoulish Ixi with soulless red eyes stumbled towards them, accompanied by a sentient haze of fleas.

     “Just our luck,” said Mipsy, raising her wand as Talinia shot her first arrow at the mucus beast. Gunk splattered on the ground from the clean hit. It let out a furious roar as it charged towards the archer.

     Rohane intercepted, making a downward slice upon its back. It retaliated with a slash of its goopy arms, covering the swordsman’s face with the splashback.

     “ARGH!” cried Rohane, trying not to gag.

     “You okay?” It was Talinia.

     “Mostly!” he replied.

     The sentient fleas descended upon Rohane, biting his neck as the sludge Kau galloped towards Mipsy. Rohane shook his head, trying to dislodge the nibbling nasties, but they kept biting firm.

     “Hey, fleas!” Velm smirked, summoning a large, glowing mallet. “It’s hammer time!” Smashing it against the fleas, they scattered from the impact and dispersed into the dark woods.

     Rohane sighed in relief. “Thanks for the assist.” Velm gave a thumbs up.

     “Rapid Haste!” shouted Mipsy. Sparks of light crackled from beneath the team’s feet, boosting their movement. Seeing the light show, the Tonu’s ears perked up as it galloped towards Mipsy.

     “Foooood,” croaked the Tonu, licking its sore-covered mouth with an enormous tongue.

     “Fast fooooood,” echoed the sludge Kau.

     The mage cringed. “Oh, no. Not today, buddies!”

     Mipsy fired Obliterate point-blank, sending both her and the Kau monster reeling back from the recoil. From behind, the Cursed Ixi slammed her to the ground and reared up to stomp. A flurry of arrows rained through the air, striking the Ixi, Kau, and Zafara. The Ixi rolled back from the blow. With a roar, the gooey Zafara continued to chase after Talinia, who now stood atop a tree branch, slinging snot as it shambled forward.

     Mipsy rolled on her stomach, narrowly avoiding the Tonu as it attempted to slobber in her face.

     “GUYS! A little help?” shouted Mipsy, as Velm cast “Panacea.” A soothing warm washed over the heroes as their wounds disappeared.

     “On it,” replied Rohane. “HEY MONSTERS!” He stuck out his tongue. “What’s big, ugly, and can’t hit the broad side of a barn?”

     The Kau and Tonu snorted angrily, the latter of whom covered Mipsy in snot, before whipping back and charging at Rohane.

      “BLAH! That was my favourite robe, you jerks! Do you know how expensive a tailor is around here? Well, do you?!” cried Mipsy, who sprung to her feet and zapped the ghoulish Ixi square in the chest.

     After shaking its mane, the Ixi turned its head towards the rations, which lay untouched since Rohane’s spontaneous concert. A grin spread across its face as it pranced towards the hardtack.

     “Ooooh no. No, no, no.” Mipsy fired off Obliterate, to which the Ixi bounded in the air, avoiding the shot entirely. It instead hit the tent, causing it to burst into flames. Her face fell. “Rohane’s not gonna like this.”

     “Mipsy! What in Neopia are you doing?!” shouted Velm, who made a mad dash towards the scene. “Y-you could have hit Lucy!”

     “S-sorry! I-I-I got it handled!” She stammered, sprinting behind the Ixi. “Slowing strike!” The Ixi’s movements seemed to drag a bit, as if it was marching through honey.

     Meanwhile, Talinia fired an arrow down toward the Zafara, stunning it with a shockwave as the arrow wedged itself in the beast’s knee.

     “Cannonball!” Velm shouted as he crashed onto the Ixi like a falling stone, flattening it to the ground. The Ixi no longer resisted, its mouth stuffed with food. It gave a satisfied burp as it lay flopped below him.

     With the Ixi under control, Mipsy scurried towards the camp and let loose “Rainfall.” A small cloud burst from her wand and spread over the field, causing a downpour to drench the tents and the remains of the rations.

     “There goes our food for tonight…” sighed Talinia.

     “But at least my Lucy is safe…” added Velm, thankful that he kept his travel bag so far from the tent.

     The hobbling goo monster threw a boulder-sized chunk of snot at Talinia. She retaliated with a cluster shot, sending the mucus spewing in all directions and covering her hands and wings. All three shots hit the Zafara, who then dissolved into a puddle of goo.

     “Ew… it’s all over my bow…” lamented Talinia, to which the drenched and snot-covered Mipsy quipped, “join the club. It’s sticky.”

     Rohane, who was busily fending off two monsters, glanced back, did a double-take at the tent fire, and got pounced on by the Kau. Thick, viscous sludge covered his armour, making it feel 40 pounds heavier. He pushed through the strain, plunging his sword into the center of the sludgy mess.

     “Mmf,” he choked, as the Kau whirled back, mooed in anger, and collapsed to the ground.

     The Tonu, seemingly disinterested with the now sludge-covered swordsman, turned its sights on the very unsludged Techo, the same Techo who was preparing another healing spell.

     “Foooood?” it bellowed, to which Velm waved his hands frantically and said, “Not food! Not food!” The Ixi, seeing its charging companion, unceremoniously hopped up, dumped Velm on the ground, and pranced away with its prize of the team’s rations still on its chin.

     Diving face-forward, the Tonu attempted to lick Velm like a giant Puppyblew. A giant, snot-covered Puppyblew. Velm managed to tumble away, maintaining enough concentration for “Panacea.”

     “HA! Missed me!” He declared triumphantly, not noticing the Tonu screech to a halt and take a bounding leap. “Man, that was a lucky break.”

     “Watch out, Velm!” Shouted Rohane, who dragged himself towards his comrade.

     Mipsy tried to fire a slowing spell, but the beast shook it off.

     Talinia attempted to fire an arrow at the Tonu, but her hands were too covered in gunk. They slipped off the bowstring each time she tried.

     “Aw, fiddlesticks,” said Velm, as the giant beast crushed him and gave a large slobbery lick across his face.

     “Obliterate!” Shouted Mipsy, just as Rohane’s sword connected with the beast. With the combination of the two attacks, the mucus beast flew 50 feet away. It grunted, sneezed loudly, and hobbled back into the woods.

     “Is it over?” Asked Talinia, desperately scrubbing her bow.

      Velm cast one more healing spell, mostly for himself, as the majority of his pain dissipated. “I hope so.”

     “Yeah. I think it is.” Rohane slumped over. “We need to find shelter.”

     Mipsy cast “Rainfall” once more, washing some of the goop from her and her comrades. “Sorry guys, I let you all down.” She took a look at the ruined campsite, the scarcely useable food, and the mostly empty canteens of water.

     Talinia gave Mipsy a squeeze on the shoulders, which left a string of goop trailing in its wake. “We know it was an accident, don’t feel so bad. Maybe we can set up another campfire and regroup.” Mipsy’s mouth turned slightly as her eyes watched the slithers of goop fall into her hair. She reflexively brushed at it with a paw before letting out a defeated sigh.

     “There’s no time, we need to get out of here.” Rohane gathered up the charred remains of the tent while Velm packed away the food and water. “We can try to repair this later.”

     “Not to sound like I’m questioning your leadership, boss, but where to now?” Velm gingerly placed his beloved lute—miraculously, it looked almost untouched by the goop—into a pack and slung it over his shoulder.

     “Talinia, if you can fly right now, can you search the forest for any distant lantern light?” Rohane’s eyes scanned the ground as he picked up a few gold coins. “The monsters dropped some gold from our battle. It may not be enough for a good room, but maybe we can all share something small. Plus, they should have a shower there. Better that than being sitting Mallards out here.”

     “Will do, Captain,” she shook out her wings, flinging droplets of snot on the others—“sorry, all”—before taking to the air.

     “Oh, sweet Fyora how I yearn for a shower,” lamented Velm, to which the rest of his goo-covered companions raised an eyebrow.

     “Yeah, I think that makes all of us,” said Mipsy, casting “Fireball” on a branch from the woods. “We’re just lucky that there’s enough dry wood to make a torch and a decently travelled path to follow.”

     With weapons still drawn, the group continued forward while Talinia scouted above. After a solid half-hour of travel, Talinia floated downwards, then immediately grabbed at her wing. “Ow. Remind me to lower my wing weight the next time I fly soaked with mucus on it. But anyway, there appears to be a tavern about a kilometre down the path. We should reach it within the hour.”

     “Good,” said Rohane, wiping the sweat from his brow away and stopping to catch his breath. “Thank you Talinia, take a rest. We’ll keep watch.”

     “Thank goodness,” said Velm, bringing up his arms behind his head. “Sweet, sweet shower time.”

     Mipsy pressed a finger to her chin. “Wait, but what if we don’t have enough money for a room?”

     “Then we’ll have to appeal to their goodwill or find another way to pay,” Rohane stated.

     “Another way to pay?” repeated Velm.

     “You’re a bard, Velm.” Talinia was massaging her wings as she walked. “You can play your lute and sing to earn us the money for a room.”

     “I mean yeah, I’d be happy to, but we all know there’s a better option here than me.”

     Their gaze shifted to Rohane, who could feel the fur on his neck rise.

     “No.”

     “Why not?” Mipsy asked.

     “I am not singing in front of a crowd.”

     “But you’re amazing, Rohane!” The Acara mage came right up to Rohane’s ear and whispered, “you know, we could be living like kings if you—”

     “I SAID NO.” Rohane’s arms were shaking as his breath became haggard. Mipsy jumped back from the anger in his voice and whimpered. “Velm will play for the tavern. That will get us through this mess. We stay for a night, find some monsters to farm for gold in the morning, and continue on our way. That’s final.”

     The group went deathly silent as they continued along to the inn. Talinia offered a hand on his shoulder to which he looked up at her with tired eyes, shook his head, and continued forward. A goo monster jumped out at them. Rohane sliced the creature clean in half with a critical hit. It quickly became a pool of mush at his feet.

     “Remind me not to make Rohane angry,” muttered Velm.

     From then, only two sentient clouds of fleas badgered them on their travels. Between stunning and exploding them and slicing through their ranks, the fleas dispersed, leaving a few gold coins in their wake.

     At one point, Rohane stumbled forward, even though there were no rocks or holes in sight. Velm offered to help, but Rohane steadied himself and said, “I’m fine. Just tired.”

     “If you say so,” replied Velm, who eyed him with suspicion.

     “I’d know if I was sick.” At this point, he was walking slower than the rest of the crew, and his feet were dragging. Sweat was pooling on his sludge covered face and his eyes looked bloodshot.

     Velm’s mouth twisted into a frown as his brow furrowed. “Just make sure to get some sleep when you can. You’re worrying me.”

     Rohane grunted.

     The inn’s lantern shone like a beacon, beckoning the weary travellers to its door. It was a modest building with old stonework and a porch with sagging beams. A Whoot sat atop the roof and tilted its head upon their arrival.

     “Whooo-who-who, whooo-whoo,” it cooed. Before they could even knock, the door opened, much to the surprise of the crew.

     A portly red Lupe wearing an apron, knitted cap, and a cream-coloured dress greeted them pleasantly before taking in a whiff of her potential guests. Catching herself before her nose crinkled too much, she gave a bow. From inside, a decent crowd murmured while they played cards or drank soda. A few who were situated close to the door paused their activities to gawk at the grimy crew.

     “Woo, wow. I suppose y’all are travellers in this area? I can’t say I’ve seen you in these parts before.”

     Rohane stepped forward. “We are. Some monsters ambushed our campsite and we lost most of our belongings. We have some gold, but it may not be enough for even the most modest of rooms.” He ushered Velm forward, who smiled sheepishly. “My team member, Velm, is a singer and great with the lute. Perhaps his performance would suffice for your smallest room and access to a shower?”

     Her nose twitched. “Hmm, it’s not that I don’t feel for y’all, but this isn’t even close to the fare of our inn. I suppose if you had another member who could entertain the guests, that would work. You know, half of your party for four Neopians. Seems fair to me.”

     Talinia stepped in. “Apologies for intruding, ma’am. We’re the adventurers who took down Meuka, the Spider Grundo, the Four Faeries who brainwashed Balthazar, and even Hubrid Nox. We’ve been investigating why this”—she motioned at the dimly lit sky—“Is as dark as the Haunted Woods has been getting. Surely this could warrant some leeway. We’ll be gone in the morning.”

     She pursed her lips as her arms crossed. “I mean, I think I’m already being pretty generous here. I’m running a business, hun. The handful of gold you have plus two of your crew performing for the tavern and we’ll call it a fair trade.”

     Rohane sighed, “How about I stay out here tonight while the three of you rest. Would that work—”

     “Not a chance, Rohane. We’re not leaving you.” Mipsy gave the innkeeper a frustrated look. “I can help Velm.”

     “Mipsy.” Talinia forced a sad smile but could not hide her flattened ears. “That’s really kind of you, but we both know you can’t carry a tune. I’ll do what I can for the team. I’ll just… do my best, is all.”

     The innkeeper gave an exasperated sigh as her tail swept the ground. “Alright. The two of you, then? Fine enough. I hope your bard is good enough to carry things for the both of you—”

     “I’ll do it.”

     She gave a bemused look. “You? The swordsman who offered to stay outside rather than sing?”

     Rohane clenched his fists before coughing a few times. “It isn’t fair to push this on Talinia or Mipsy for my shortcomings. I’m the leader of this crew. I need to conquer my fears.”

     The three team members looked at each other with concern, then back at Rohane. “It’s fine,” he assured them, gritting his teeth. “It’s my burden to bear.”

     “Well, if you insist.” She ushered them inside with a sweep of her paws and a shrug. “Welcome to the Shady Sepulcher Inn.”

To be continued…