Purloined Presses and Procrastination

     Elleri the Royal Blumaroo screamed at me as I dug through a large bin in the attic. I dug out an old witch hat with matted grey hair attached and handed it to her.

     "Look. Yell at me all you want. Halloween is different in Neopia. Sorry if I don't get excited at the prospect of you mouthing off and getting turned into a Mortog by a real witch!"

     Elleri scoffed and beat the hat a couple times with her tail to shake off the dust.

     "Whatever. Just admit you lost the calendar."

     I pursed my lips. Drat. She had me.

     "I admit to no such thing."

     She turned on her heel and marched to the attic door, her black dress leaving a trail in the dust.

     "I need more borovan." I grumbled.

     I hunched over to keep from hitting the cross beams and slowly climbed down the attic ladder, and immediately ducked as my Tyrannian Lupe, Ritonie, hurled a plastic hatchet at the wall.

     "Ritonie! Watch it!" I thundered, pointing at my eyes with two fingers before gesturing at him, letting him know I was watching him.

     On my radar.

     Won't miss a thing you do.

     He rolled his eyes.

     I thought about pursuing him more but...

     It didn't take long to get distracted and I proceeded to daydream about leftover candy corn and possibly staying up late to watch our neighbourhood juvenile delinquents run from neohome to neohome trying to break the unsmashable Neohome 2.0 pumpkins.

      I meandered down the stairs and through the living room past piles of skulls and Spyders. My kitchen, the heart of my home, and the joy of my boredom, was a complete mess.

     Of course, true to our nature, our house was scrambling to get ready for Halloween. The spookiest night of the year. Mentally I was still having daily panics about getting them out the door on time for neoschool.

     How had Halloween crept up on me so quickly?

     I dodged my Mutant Shoyru, Losena, who was busy using her tail like a third arm to whip pumpkin cookies out of the oven.

     I reached for one and she expertly pulled the tray away.

     "No, no, Ema! These are for the Trick or Treaters."

     I scowled.

     "I can't have one? Come on, Losena. I pay for your trips to the Tooth Faerie."

     She shook her head and grabbed her cookie cutter to make more.

     "Ah, ah! There would have been plenty had we been ready for today." She scolded in a sugary sweet voice laced with passive aggression and snark.

     Turning my back to her, I decided to snag a cookie on the sly when I was met with an empty counter.

     Wait. An empty counter? I shoved the toaster and my jar of cooking utensils out of the way dramatically.

     AAAHHHHHH!

     Where was my borovan press?

     "Losena. Where's Lucy?" I wrung my hands like the Swamp Ghoul at a Wocky convention.

      Losena paused, then shrugged, but there was a flicker of fear in her yellow eyes.

     "I don't know, Ema..."

     I twitched. Lucy was the first real thing I'd bought in Neopia. She was a very expensive, and very much loved borovan press that pressed my brew just right. Just. Right.

     JUST. RIGHT.

     I twitched twice.

     "I need her. I need a cup."

     I pointed to the empty spot on the counter.

     "She's not supposed to EVER BE MOVED!"

     My baby Skeith, Lullabie, froze mid pumpkin gut smash on the dining room table. The living room grew quiet, and even Elleri poked half of her painted witch face out from the bathroom.

     "Ema, we'll find-"

     "No. No, I've had it! You all get on me for forgetting things, and now Lucy is gone. No one goes Trick or Treating until I find Lucy!"

     There was a collective gasp.

     "What? You can't do that!" Elleri cried, and suddenly all thirteen of my pets were rushing into the kitchen.

     "You heard me!" I said, pointing menacingly at the ceiling. I wish I had had a flashlight to hold under my chin.

     "Halloween is CANCELLED until my borovan press is found."

     The horror. The horrrooooorrrrr.

     And then the scramble.

     Like little moffit's they skittered across the floors in any direction but mine. Cobwebs were brushed away, shrouds of tattered fabric lifted, scarecrows de-perched and pumpkin lids flung away to splat against walls and side tables.

     I walked calmly through the chaos, a mad General examining her desperate troops as they all cleared house to find my preciousss-

     I mean, my borovan press.

     Finally, after 45 minutes, it was over. Nothing.

     No one confessed, no one came forward.

     Lucy was gone.

     "Ema. Please, we've looked all over. No one took your stupid-"

     I shot a dark glare at Elleri.

      "Sorry. 'Lucy'." She made air quotations. "Can we go? Chadley's party starts in an hour. Everyone will be there."

     "Nooo." I hissed, crossing my arms.

     "I need candy!" Lullabie, my baby Skeith, thundered, slamming her foot down in her Swamp Monster costume.

     "Tough tongue tree." I snapped.

     "I'm sick of your Haunted Hijinks! I know there's one place you all haven't looked..."

     My pets collectively gasped. Again.

     They must have practiced this.

     "No!" Cried Losena!

     "No way!" Snarled Elleri.

     "I didn't freak out like this when I lost my glasses! I NEED THOSE TO SEE!"

     "You're a monster!" Cried Billy the Ixi from next door!

     "YES WAY!" I cried, curling my fingers and chuckling.

     I paused.

     "Billy. Go home."

     I returned to the curl.

     "You all must search... THE BASEMENT!"

     DUN DUNNN.

     "Did you say, dun dunn?" Ritonie asked as he tapped his flashlight against his palm. I shook my head to focus on my pets. They'd already divvied up the jack-o-lantern lights and flashlights amongst themselves and were headed for the basement door.

     I wiped some drool from the corner of my mouth.

     I needed borovan.

     "I did. I was trying to be dramatic. Need borovan. Go!" I followed closely behind them, noting that the sun was going down and I could hear trick or treaters out in the neighbourhood already.

     Our basement was a dark and dismal place. We used it for nothing, and hoped that nothing was down there. We hadn't checked since Christmas because whatever was nothing had growled and we were all lazy cowards.

     We huddled at the door, Ritonie bravely flashing the beam of his light down the stairs.

     "There's no bottom." Lullabie whispered, clutching my leg.

     "We're never coming back alive." Stated Pqos, my Desert Krawk.

     I nudged him.

     "You're terrible and spooky. You go look."

     He scowled and shook his head no.

     "You cancelled Halloween. You want it so bad, you go-"

     He yelled angrily as Ritonie lifted him and bodily threw him into the darkness.

     "I'll always remember you!" Lullabie cried as his wail of horror faded.

     "Wait. Who was that?" She whispered under her breath as I pushed past to dart down the stairs.

     "Not cool Ritonie!" I grabbed the chain for the light bulb fixture that dangled from the ceiling once I reached the bottom. It swung and caused the shadows to convulse and sway around us as I scooped up my Krawk.

     "You okay, kiddo?" I asked, checking him for injuries.

     He pushed his hands against my face and freed himself.

     "I'm fine you borovan addict! Let's find your press and get out of here! I've been hoarding toilet paper for three weeks for tonight!"

     Hearing that we were alive, my other pets slowly descended and began to check out the array of junk we owned.

     "We're gonna get back to that toilet paper thing." I warned Pqos before taking up the search as well.

     "Dear Fyora, Ema." Elleri said, peering into a whole box of Gorunda the Wise Cards. "What is this mess?"

     She shuddered and I closed the box with one hand.

     "I have no idea. I've never been down here." I muttered. When I realized my Neopets were all clumping around me I straightened my back.

     "Fan out!" I bellowed. I began pushing Neopets in different directions.

     "Find Lucy, or no cavities this year!"

     In units of two and three they began to search through the stacks of old Neopian Times papers and boxes of headless Space Faerie Toys. There were containers of Gelatinous Bouillon Non-Cubes and one filled with photo albums where all the pictures were of a Pink Rock in a black bowler cap at varying sunsets.

     As we neared the back of the basement, right underneath the kitchen, the piles became weirder and denser.

     "Oh cripes on a cracker." I groaned, realizing that the nothing of the basement might actually be a something.

     A something that was making-

     "Is that a nest?" Behv, the Cloud Gnorbu, asked, gingerly poking at a pile of Non-Sticky Sticky Hands which wobbled beneath the weight of lint and petpet hair.

     "What could have made this?" I asked, looking around. I narrowed my eyes at Pqos who looked almost offended.

     "Is this an experiment of yours?"

     "No!"

     "You said that last time."

     "But this time I'm telling the truth." He insisted.

     I groaned so loudly I could feel the drain of my spirit all the way down my spine. Seeing as nobody was moving forward, (the cowards), I puffed up my chest and nodded. I could do this.

     I would do this.

      I had to save Lucy.

     She deserved a better fate than to rot in this basement. Who would make borovan in her? She deserved to enact her passions!

     I grabbed Elleri's flashlight and began to laboriously wiggle and arch around the varying piles. Deeper and deeper I went, ignoring the shreds of cotton and newspaper and plushie under my slippers.

     I was appalled at this nest. Appalled that Lucy was in here somewhere.

     Appalled that I'd only worn slippers down here to do this. How was I supposed to know?

     As I turned left at some Pygui Nesting Dolls, I came face to face with a large, curled yellow horn that was easily the size of my leg.

     I inhaled a squeak of surprise so sharply I thought I would choke on the fear. The blue creature was massive and curled up contently in its pile of items. Its tail curled around its whole body, and only little Korbat-like wings and a tuft of blue hair could be seen along its back.

     As I stepped closer, beyond the hump of its back, I saw her.

     Sitting on the far side of the nest amid a whole trove of swaying watermelon jellies.

     Lucy.

     I began to pick my way around, stepping lightly and making sure my hips didn't do their usual and nudge anything over. The last thing I needed was for everything to fall like dominos and wake up the-

     "How's it going, Ema?!" Lullabie shrieked, blasting through a mound of jumple apples which came crashing to the ground. They rolled and battered into the sleeping beast who blearily lifted its head.

     I froze. Lullabie froze. Lucy was a borovan press, so therefore stayed frozen.

     The petpet then locked eyes with me, and growled.

     I grabbed Lucy and Lullabie so fast we left dust imprints of ourselves in the air. I weaved around the towers of junk and screamed for my pets to run. Everyone turned and bolted for the stairs as we emerged from the forest of items. There was a thundering crash and a scatter of things at our feet as whatever that creature was banged through their nest in order to pursue us.

     I was the last one up the stairs, almost to the top before whatever I'd made mad latched onto my Cybunny slipper. I grabbed onto its ragged ear and screamed. The creature had it in both of its little chubby hands. Its roar was muffled as it tried to rip it free. I lashed out with my feet, trying to scramble back. In the process, I kicked it right in the stomach.

     BOOM!

     The next few seconds were blurry, and I credit my subconscious for this choice because whatever happened was gross. And I know it was gross because I came to, on the stairs, surrounded by my pets and covered from head to toe in blue vomit.

     Looking down I could see through the pounds and pounds of food that the creature, once massive and formidable, was now barely knee high. It was sitting on its bottom, swaying gently, looking ever so dizzy.

     "What is that?"

     "It's a monster."

     "No it's not... is it?"

     "Nope." I said, getting to my feet and trying to squigee the puke off my slipper and Lucy. "That's a Bloopy."

     "A what?"

     I picked up the little petpet and it growled weakly at me.

     "A Bloopy. They get really big when they hoard a lot of food in their cheeks. It must have been down here for awhile."

     I handed it to Ritonie who didn't allow it to touch his body.

     "How'd it get down here?"

     "I bet Pqos let it in."

     "I didn't! Besides, I would never keep a creature that big in such a space. Too hard to contain."

     "We'll come back to that." I warned Pqos. I smiled at the Bloopy who huffed in irritation. With the piles on the floor and the lights on, I could see several holes in the floors and walls back where the nest had been.

     "It must have crawled in and then crawled up. I bet it has been stealing for ages."

     The bloopy reached pitifully for Lucy and I pulled her away with a smile.

     "Oh no. No borovan for you. I'm your eviction notice, bud."

      We patched up the hole so the Bloopy couldn't get back in. Sorting the piles felt daunting so we decided to do it later.

     Or never.

     Who knows? I'm pretty sure closing the basement door counts as dealing.

     My pets cleaned up and darted out into the night faster than I'd ever seen. The streets were filled with Neopets and their owners. I could see orange, purple and green lights on every fence and house. There were towering spooky creatures made from straw and old clothes, ghosts hanging from leafless branches, and tall dark witches made of wood and tulle surrounding foam cauldrons with ooky dry ice fog.

     I sat in front of my neohome, Lucy safely on the table beside me. My one slipper was still covered in vomit, but the inside was clean so. Compromise.

     I sipped my hot borovan and chucked candy at whoever came by and was brave enough to declare to the lady sitting in front of the only undecorated house,'Trick or Treat!'.

     Only the small, hulking form in the dark across the street made me uneasy.

     Its curled horns and menacing glare just perfect for the holiday. Its eyes never wavering from the stunning visage of Lucy the Borovan Press.

     If only there was another basement door at the end of the driveway I could close.

     Ehh. We'd deal with all that baggage at Thanksgiving like normal people.

     The End.