Rywald's Vanishing Snacks

     Most problems a royal guard encountered could be solved with fancy footwork and fine swordsmanship, but this was a very different sort of problem. A snack problem.

     “We think it is more than one individual, every royal guard should be…”

     The morning meeting toiled on while Rywald’s empty stomach rumbled. As a young Kyrii growing up on the hills of Meridell, Rywald learned that early morning wakeups called for quick morning meals. Every evening without fail he would place a delicious baked snack next to his bed so that it was ready and waiting for a wakeup call at any time. But lately, his overnight snacks had been… disappearing.

     “... and make sure your windows are tightly closed and locked at night. Dismissed.”

     Sliding out from the not-so-round table, he bumped into one of the other guards.

     “Hey Rywald, how’s the new room assignment? I hear they put you right next to the treasury.”

     The hungry Kyrii took a step back from his imposing Skeith colleague. “The room is fine…” and then got an idea. “Say, you like snacks, right? What kind of snacks do you like to eat in the morning?”

     “Uhhh” the larger Neopet looked confused by the question. “I mean, I’ll eat just about anything, har har har!”

     Rywald was unamused.

     “But uh, I guess if I had to pick one thing I’d go with a bag of peas! Some of Meridell’s finest produce.”

     Really, Rywald should have known better than to ask a Skeith, but anything was better than going through morning meetings on an empty stomach.

     That night, after spending some Neopoints on a bag of peas (and wishing that they were hot crossed buns instead), he set his far less glamorous morning snack on the bedside table and promptly fell asleep.

     As the morning bell rang in the courtyard, Rywald yawned and reached out for a snack… only to find that his humble bag of peas had been reduced to 2 lonely spheres spilt out on the table. He hopped out of bed in a small fury, popped the two sad peas into his mouth, and then noticed another lonely pea on the floor. Not being a Skeith, he decided against eating that one, but a little further away was yet another pea.

     “How mysterious!” he declared, to no one but himself, and then followed the trail of forgotten peas to a small hole far beneath the wardrobe. It was too small for a Neopet, yet easily large enough for a tiny snack thief to fit through. Tonight, the greatest swordsman of the royal guards would be ready.

     After another mundane day of meetings and reports from townspeople about their stolen goods, the evening finally arrived. Two beautiful hot crossed buns sat patiently on the bedside table and Rywald tucked himself in bed… with his boots on and trusty sword at his side.

     “I’m on to you, tiny scoundrel.” he whispered with one eye open. “No one steals my snacks and gets away with it.”

     … And then Rywald woke to the sound of the morning bell, his delicious bread rolls nowhere to be found, and his side aching where the hilt of his sword had rested overnight.

     “Drat my healthy sleeping habits!” he grumbled whilst trying to brush the wrinkles out of his uniform. The tiny thief had bested him yet again. Now it was time for some drastic measures.

     During the morning meeting (between sad rumbles of his empty stomach) Rywald volunteered to guard the market, specifically the street near a particular clothing vendor. He wore his finest uniform, fluffed the feather atop his hat and sauntered down the market road keeping a keen eye out for a dashing young Zafara who had previously given him a lovely discount on a fancy feast day outfit. Unfortunately, upon reaching her stall he instead found it to be staffed by a rather grouchy-looking Ixi.

     “Are ya here to buy somethin’?” The Ixi’s rough voice grated past, taking the spring out of the swordsman’s step.

     “I’m looking for clothing to ah… not sleep in.”

     The older Neopet eyed up his guard uniform. “So like what yer wearin’ now?”

     “No, no, you see, I sleep in this.”

     The shopkeeper raised a scraggly eyebrow and Rywald found himself in a position he most hated, looking like a fool.

     “I mean, I don’t usually sleep in this, but I can. And that’s the trouble.”

     “Yer trouble is that ya sleep in yer guard’s uniform?” The Ixi’s voice was as flat as a fried courgette.

     Rywald took a deep breath, and tried again. “I’m looking for something uncomfortable to wear so that I can’t fall asleep.”

     The shopkeeper nodded in understanding though still clearly baffled by this interaction and reached beneath the counter. “Had potatoes for lunch, are ya lookin’ for something like this?” He held up a brown and slightly dirty cloth bag, long enough to conceivably be worn.

     Hesitating, Rywald reached out and touched the very scratchy material. “This is… I mean, you wouldn’t happen to have anything more… fashionable?”

     Rolling his eyes, the tailor pulled out a pair of scissors. With a few snips and some twine he then grouchily held up a no more fashionable, but slightly more wearable version of the potato sack.

     Desperately wanting to get out of the situation, Rywald pulled out his Neopoints bag. “Yes, yes I’ll buy the uh…”

     “Ultra fashionable potato sack.”

     “Ultra… fashionable, potato sack.” The now completely embarrassed Kyrii tucked the itchy clothing under his arm, tried to ignore the small gathering of bystanders chuckling at his expense and returned to his duties with much less dignity than he started.

     Night fell. After his awkward day, a fancy raisin twist loaf sat beside the bed giving a comfortingly sweet aroma to the room. A smell that Rywald would have ordinarily enjoyed if he wasn’t being tormented by a potato sack masquerading as a nightshirt. It was everything that he had and hadn’t hoped it would be, dirty, itchy, ill-fitting, and theoretically perfect for an evening of no sleep. Laying on the floor, Rywald could see the stars outside of his open window. Comfortable stars that weren’t having their morning snacks stolen. Oh, to be as carefree as those twinkling…

     Rywald woke to the taste of something terrible. His eyes flew open.

     “It’s a good thing you saved that apple from lunch.” a Korbat with an evil look in his eye patted the arm of a rather strong-looking Grarrl.

     The previously snoozing swordsman found that he was still on the floor, but now bound hand and foot and had a sickeningly sweet smelling blackened apple lodged in his mouth. He watched helplessly as the grinning Grarrl pulled the rest of his tail through the open window and followed his much smaller companion out of Rywald’s bedroom door and toward the royal treasury. Alone in his room, unable to move or even shout for help for fear of ingesting any part of the horribly sickening fruit, the unfortunate Kyrii looked up and noticed that on top of all of his other troubles his much-anticipated raisin-filled morning snack… was also missing.

     As he lay on the floor, feeling particularly itchy and defeated, his keen ears picked up a faint scratching, scurrying sound. Tiny paws pattering on stones and wood, and a bit of movement from the hole under his wardrobe. A nose built to pick up the faintest scent of snacks slowly poked out, followed by a face. With feelings of both elation and dismay, Rywald suddenly realized that his snack-stealing nemesis was a Wherfy, and that Wherfy might now be his saviour.

     Rywald quickly closed his eyes, pretended to be asleep, and waited. Luckily this Wherfy, already well acquainted with this Kyrii’s unusually deep sleeping habits, quickly ran up to the sweet blackened apple and greedily yanked it free.

     “Guards! To me! The castle has been breached!” His tiny hero scurried away with the offending fruit and in mere moments a half-awake Skeith shuffled into his doorway.

     “Uhhh, Rywald” The other guard rubbed his bleary eyes, taking in the sight of the best swordsman in the royal guard tied up on the floor in a potato sack. “...What are you wearing?”

     “Aye! No time for that! Untie me!”

     Others gathered as Rywald was released, roused by the shouting. “To the treasury! They are heading toward the treasury!” Grabbing his sword from the floor, he led the charge down the sleepy hallway, catching the thieves red-handed in the vault. No swordsman was faster on his feet than this brave Kyrii and both the Korbat and Grarrl were quickly apprehended and taken to the dungeon, ending the months-long run of thefts and break-ins in the city of Meridell.

     Rywald, the great swordsman who captured these fiends was personally honoured by King Skarrl himself, and offered a larger room in one of the nicer areas of the castle. To everyone’s surprise, the dashing Kyrii declined a new room and humbly chose to remain in the treasury hallway with his fellow guards.

     “I like to think that I learn something from every experience.” Rywald mused, to no one but himself. He pulled out a lockable bread box, purchased that day with his thief-catching bonus, and set it down next to the bed. A gentle scratching from inside the wall caught his keen ears as the secure snack holder was opened.

     “Friends are worth more than enemies,”

     He took out a fresh yeasty bread to slide under the wardrobe for his new Petpet, and tightly locked up a particularly nice baked rye loaf for himself.

     “...And always buy enough snacks to share!”

     The End.