Neopian Gossip

People seem to inhale mildly true stories as if they are oxygen. So, as I was rotting in the prison cell I was unfairly placed in by Dr. Sloth, I figured that Neopians should be able to breathe in some of the newest possibly true stories, all in one place!

Unfortunately, there can only be one issue of Neopian Gossip. We have received far too many threats to go on for any longer.

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Madly in Love?

The Lab Ray Scientist and the Soup Faerie have been seen browsing Neopia Central side by side. When asked about this possible relationship, the Soup Faerie was quite annoyed and replied simply, “It’s a friendship, and there’s nothing wrong with it”. The scientist had a bit of a different tone however, as he said “Bwuahaha!” It’s been reported that whenever he’s next to the kind faerie, his eyes seem to roll, the sure-fire sign that he’s in love.

Insane Instituted

The endearing staff member that is passionately known as Mr. Insane was seen being admitted to the local asylum. When our reporters approached his lawyer and politely questioned him about the staff member’s insanity, he stopped short, stared at our reporters, blew mucus all over their notebooks, and ran away at an incredible speed.

Punchbag Bob’s Tired!

Our polite ally known as Punchbag Bob let’s us practice our Battledome skills on his poor, soft body. Lately, though, he seems to whine more and more each time he is beat on. “I’m sick of being a Punchbag,” he openly announced to our reporters, “Each day the stuffing is beat out of me at least 200 times, and it hurts! I don’t want to do this anymore!”

To be released?

The bored Cellblock challengers/prisoners known as Clop, Barallus, Squire Meekel, The Yellow Knight, and Number Five have been trapped in their prison cells located in the dungeons of the Darigan Citadel for some time now. There has been some talk of their release, however, and many of the citizens of Neopia are chattering excitedly about them roaming the streets once again. “Absolutely not!” Master Vex bellowed when asked about these rumors, “We would never let out some of our greatest threats out to roam the streets again! I shun you for asking me such a thing.” The Warden did just that, so we didn’t really great a straight answer.

Ouch!

Several complaints have been sent to the makers of the Bendy Desk Light. “I was simply doing my homework when I accidentally looked into the light!” one aggravated pet said, “I got an F on my paper because all of my words were on top of each other. It wasn’t my fault I couldn’t see!” The makers of the light claim that they’ve put a disclaimer on each product, saying that the owner should avoid looking straight into the light. “I never saw that!” The irritated pet said. When his defected Bendy Desk Light was checked, the disclaimer seemed to have been scratched off.

The Last Days

Mike and Carassa have been in their igloo, fetching items from their attic to sell to Neopians for some time now. “We’re starting to run out of items!” we heard Mike say to Carassa as we were hiding out behind a box full of food. When they spotted us, they chased us out of their igloo, screaming for us to never return. We believe that is because they wish to hide the fact that the garage sale that we all hold near and dear to our hearts is reaching it’s final days.

EVC

By extreme coincidence, one of reporters happened to be scanning the Moon of Kreludor, when she spotted some of the most popular villains exiting a large facility just south of the Kreludan Mining Corp. Some of these exiting evil ones were Dr. Sloth, Lord Kass, Lord Darigan, and Jhudora. When we approached the terrifying fiends, they warmly expressed what they were doing in that large building. “That is our EVC facility,” Sloth explained. “We talk about every terrible World Domination plot in there,” Jhudora added. “All things malicious,” Lord Darigan warmly concluded. The happy villains then left with a wave, laughing horribly.

More quests?

There has been plenty of talk on the trustworthy message boards about the Fountain Faerie giving out more quests. Many are excited when they see the event that says they must find an incredibly cheap item, but then sob when they find out they can only paint their pet one of the basic colors. “What’s going on?” Many demand, their sadness turning to fury. Perhaps that Fountain Faerie is hoping that Neopia will be destroyed by all the users revolting against the random events!

Not so Monotonous

There have been recent reports stating that the Wheel of Monotony is becoming less monotonous. “I only waited 30 minutes!” One excited user stated, proving our theory. “It seems to be going by faster,” another user said in a skeptical tone. Yes, perhaps our boring friend is becoming less and less monotonous, and more and more quick and exciting.

Evil Illusen?

There have been reports that Illusen the kind and gentle Earth Faerie is becoming evil and malignant. “She yelled at me really loud!” one user stated between sobs. “I wasn’t on time, heaven forbid, and she became quite irritated,” another said. We all know that Illusen is deprived of attention, so perhaps everyone’s favorite faerie is hoping to be entered in the Gallery of Evil?

KYCU

Some of our most depressed friends have been that way for quite some time. Some of them include King Skarl, The Wheel of Mediocrity host (what’s that guy’s name anyway?), Jhudora, and many others were found exiting a large building off the coast of Mystery Island. Our reporters attempted talking to each one of them, but most simply waved us away. We got a few words from the leader of the group, who asked us to leave her unnamed. “This is a group for all those who’ve been feeling depressed, angry, or especially evil lately,” she said, clapping her hands together, “we offer many ideas to help them feel happy once again, or for the very first time. We call ourselves the ‘Keep Your Chin Up Group’, or ‘KYCU’.” Perhaps old King Skarl won’t need so much cheering up and Jhudora will be active enough to get her own items in the near future?

Washed in the brain?

Perhaps you have noticed that Tombola seems to be giving out fewer booby prizes. Without a whole lot of proof, our reporters have concluded that our friend the Tombola Man has been brainwashed. We asked why there have been fewer prizes given to losers, but the man just stared at us blankly. That could have been either because he is brain-dead from some serious hypnotism, or because all of our reporters were dressed as pickles. However, we doubt the latter is true.

Warted

One Gelert has filed a lawsuit against the “Kiss the Mortog” game. “My client has received multiple warts near her lips, nose, and forehead,” the woman’s lawyer informed us, “We have decided to file charges against the makers of the game, the Mortogs, and lily pads for my client’s extreme discomfort and ugliness.” Currently, the case is being looked at.

“I’m shocked and appalled!”

A poor starry Kacheek was visiting the Chocolate Factory when she spotted a tasty morsel. “It looked so good!” The Kacheek claimed, “and I just had to have it. I didn’t have much Neopoints, about 600, and the piece of chocolate was 652. I tried to haggle with the shop keeper, but he kept denying my offers. So, I finally offered 601 Neopoints. That’s when…he…yelled, and forced me out of his shop!” The Kacheek said between sobs. “I’m shocked and appalled, and this man has caused me extreme grief,” the Kacheek said, a bit angrier. When we approached the horrible shopkeeper, he ran off, pleading the 5th.