50 Battledome Items That We Can Be Glad Do Not Exist

Yudi: There ALWAYS is, Shira.

Shira: Whatever. So we settled ourselves in the stands to watch other pets going at it. That’s when we noticed the number of weird and deadly weapons the pets were using.

Yudi: You never noticed that before!?!?

Shira: I said to Yudi, rolling my eyes, “Next thing we know there’s going to be a sloth ray gun which turns your opponent’s weapons into sludge put out there!”

Yudi: I could do with a weapon like that.

Shira: What? A pile of sludge?

Yudi: No! *rolls his own eyes*

Shira: We sat there making up many made-up Battledome items for a good 2 hours until it was finally our turn in the arena. Afterwards, while thinking it over, we decided to list them for everyone to enjoy. So here they are…50 Battledome items that we can be glad do not exist:

1) Aspararay: Turns your opponent into asparagus.

2) Back-Scratcher: Gives your opponent horrible ugly scratches, although does the dual action of relieving them of itches.

3) Battle Cap: A cap so ugly, your opponent will start retching. (More effective on females)

4) Battle Multi-Pet Transmogrification Potion: Drink this and you will be supplied temporarily with the powers of all pets! One Use (Unfortunately, most pets do not have powers which makes this potion pretty useless.)

5) Boil Gun: You opponent’s face will suddenly be covered in huge boils which are filled with poisonous pus!

6) Boomerang Bow: This bow and arrow set will shoot at your opponent and then the arrow will come whizzing right back to you. It often kills you in the process, however.

7) Borovan Gun- Shoots steaming hot borovan at your opponent.

8) Bottle of Baking Soda and Vinegar: The contents of this bottle will cause quite a bang if the bottle is opened directly in front of your opponent’s face. Unfortunately, this is very difficult to do unless you standing directly in front of your opponent’s face, in which case you’re not very well off.

9) Bubble gum Blower: Send blobs of bubble gum into your opponent’s hair or fur!

10) Cardboard Box: A simple place to hide. (Warning: Does not withstand fire, water, ice, light, darkness and most other Battledome items.)

11) Defence Boots: Put these on and they’ll cause you to tap-dance making you a very difficult Battledome target.

12) Doctor Potion I: Summons a doctor instantly to your side in case of mortal injury. One use.

13) Drought Potion: This potion can be used against water weapons. One Use

14) Electric Fan: Blow you opponents away to oblivion!

15) Essence of Fyora: Pure, 100%, wholesome goodness. Effective only on evil opponents.

16) Fire Alarm Deluxe: Unlike the regular Fire Alarm, the fire-Neopets that this alarm brings can also shoot fire and defend against ice weapons.

17) Fire Alarm: Great defense against fire weapons. Ring this and a full fire-neopet team will come instantly to your side.

18) Fire Snowball: Freezing snow and scorching fire all in one! (Doesn’t exist for very long)

19) Frozen Staff of Nothing Particular: Only lift this if you’re wearing protective gloves! Otherwise a great tool to whack at your opponent.

20) Hairnet: Protection against attacks to the hair. (Pretty much only works against the Bubblegum Blower)

21) Hex Deflector: Deflects most hexes and curses you opponent may try to put on you when losing.

22) Horror Hex Serum: Unfortunately, everyone who knows what this potion does, is physically unable to tell us what it does. One Use (we suppose)

23) Hypnoray: Hypnotize your opponents into doing anything (very similar effects to King Skarl’s Crown).

24) Invisigun: This invisible gun can do much more damage then you’d think…once you find it.

25) Kadoatery Cry: This instrument plays the sound of 100 Kadoaties crying! Awful…

26) King Skarl’s Crown: Wear this and your opponent will obey your every command.

27) Leaves: Throw them at you opponent. They don’t do much.

28) Magnetic Shield: Magnetically attracts all your opponent’s metal weapons towards you!

29) Meepit Cannon: Fire dozens of Meepits at your opponent and watch as he screams in terror!

30) Pant Devil Robot: Steals your opponent’s most expensive item. (On the Shop Wizard, not the estimated value when you look it up, because that’s never accurate!)

31) Paperclips of Doom: Throw these at your opponent, and they’ll meld their weapons into one blob.

32) Ray of Stench: A line of vile smell, which will knock your opponent out for a few hours.

33) Rubber Thing: Nobody actually knows what it does, but everyone who’s used it has lost there fight.

34) Sand Storm Ray: Sends bucketfuls of sand blowing in you opponents face!

35) Self-Chopping Onion: Your opponent will burst into tears unless wearing protective goggles.

36) Shroom Gun: Turns your ears into Shrooms.

37) Soup Faerie’s Battle Bowl: Eeeewwww…poisonous soup!

38) Staff of Nothing Particular: A great piece of wood that can be whacked at your opponent!

39) Steel Gun of Imprecision: Useless if you want to hit a target with a bullet, by can be thrown at your opponent when you get frustrated with it.

40) Sticky Eyepatches: Send them at your opponent and they’ll stick to their eyes making them temporarily blind.

41) Stress Ball: An enchanting ball of purple and gold which won’t do anything to your opponent, but will calm you significantly when losing a battle.

42) Sword: It’s a sword. A plain, normal, ordinary sword.

43) Tax Beast Robot: Steals 10% or your opponent’s weapons.

44) Technicoloured Stripes: These pieces of paper will make you opponents eyes spin.

45) Teeth: Almost every pet is automatically equipped with them and they can do great damage.

46) Wand of Coconut Shy Guy: Fling as many coconuts as you want at your opponent.

47) Wand of Magic Matches: This wand sends burning matches at you opponent! The matches, however, tend to burn themselves out before reaching their target.

48) Wand of Superiority: Outdoes anything you opponent can dish out!

49) Wand of the Fire Faerie: Sends three Fire Faeries at your opponent with every use.

50) Yo-yo Club: Looks just like a yo-yo, but on it’s end is a heavy club. (Warning: The club tends to hit the user’s paws when coming back)

Yudi: Many thanks to no one in particular for helping us with this article. We did it all by ourselves! YAY!!! Aren’t we imaginative?

Shira: I’ve always wanted to put that at the bottom of an NT article. Heeheehee