100 More Ways To Tell If You're Addicted To The Times by simsman24000 |  |
Untitled Document
SOMEWHERE IN NEOPIA - NOTE: THE FOLLOWING INFORMATION IS FALSE. IT IS IN NO
WAY REAL AND HAS NO TRUTH TO IT WHATSOEVER… ENJOY.
"Hi, I'm simsman24000, and I'm a Neopian Timesaholic."
"Hi, simsman!"
OK, so that never happened, but who knows? It will someday! Neopian Times
addictions seem to be sweeping over Neopia with every publication of a new issue.
(Ha! And I thought garden benches were big!) More comics appear, more stories
are written, and more questions are asked of the all-knowing Donna.
Sooner or later, the ones that spend their entire day on http://www.neopets.com/newnt
will no longer be trying to memorize the number of letters in every issue; they'll
be interested in memorizing the entire story. Or at least the logical ones will.
The math addicts will be multiplying the total number of pixels by the number
of comics that week, and then divide it by the square root of the Kb the Times
uses.
The grammar freaks will be hard at work trying to nit-pick all the errors
with commas and the misuse of the word 'salami.'
The historians will soon look for correlation between Al the Chia and Stonewall
Jackson, and the scientists will be caught up in calculating the rate at which
Moo flies.
A religion derived from a favorite issue will become a common sight, and it
won't be long before Bucky the Babaa becomes a huge conglomeration specializing
in wool sweaters, that poor Techo founds the Dr_Death Center for Lizard Rights,
or Alpha70 publishes his autobiography, My Life Past The Snowager.
Neopian Times addiction is becoming an increasing part of our little Neopets
community-who knows how long it will be before newspapers actually begin to
publish the news brief? So ladies, gents, and miscellaneous others, turn away
from the Times! Don't get sucked into its evil grasp! I bid you farewell with
this nifty little list! Keep careful note of it, for it will tell you when you
need to shut off that computer and go read a book, or perhaps spend time with
your family… but do NOT go back to the Times, for ye shall meet thy demise!
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100. When you insist on having 5 things published in the same week.
99. Go to #6.
98. You noticed that this was missing from last time.
97. When you desperately tried to find "The Balding" by Stephen Kyrii in stores
after reading the Issue 20 comics.
96. When you go back to Issue 20 to understand why #97 exists.
95. You've memorized the URL to each comic's individual pictures.
94. You petition to change the name of the Drama Club as school to the Guild
Of Drama-Win Great Prizes!
93. You trip over a tree root and swear that you're back in time with the Ixi
of Doom as your magical guide.
92. You cancelled your subscription to your local newspaper because it refused
to publish your article about the rising price of stamp costs.
91. You always try to convince yourself that the Times is just a figment of
your imagination… with great artwork!
90. When you constantly insist that real cows should be more like Kaus.
89. When some strangers asked you where you lived, you said "Neopia Central."
88. You attend meetings with other Timesaholics.
87. You squeal, "Ooh! A Quiggle!" whenever you visit a pond.
86. When you only refer to shapes in geometry as NeoCircles.
85. You're outraged that the weatherman on T.V. isn't giving the same report
as the scorching Poogle.
84. You don't go into toy stores with fear that you might run into the Evil
Meerca Plushie.
83. When you ask your friend who works at a toy factory to make you a plushies
of your favorite character.
82. When you insist on renaming every rose to Rosemadder.
92. When math and the Times become merged into one.
80. You count the days until this many million pets are created.
79. You feel your life is not complete until you have a Flizzardo, a Puppyblew,
and a Warf at your disposal.
78. You refer to April as the Month of Eating and nothing else.
77. You make a petition to remove the shrine of Donna on Mystery Island and
change it to a Felicia one instead. (We still love you, Donna!)
76. The only picture on your Adventure is of Issue 3.
75.
74. You've read so many Meuka interviews that you could burst.
73. When you wonder why The Moo Strip isn't in the Times anymore.
72. When you go to find out.
71. When you kidnap your favorite Times author/character and force them to include
you in their stories. Or not.
70. When you realize #75 is blank.
69. When you write epitaphs for your great stories that are mysteriously rejected.
68. When you're the only one who notices that a character's name is spelled
wrong.
67. You feel the urge to share the missing panel of a comic with the world.
66. When you have to draw your pet for a school assignment, you sketch a White
Cybunny.
65. You cry because you can't get a custom-drawn picture.
64. When you insist on having a Neopian Times Issue 3 Stamp.
63. When you try to arrange a Neopian Times convention.
62. When you petition to remove the "corn" from unicorn.
61. When your art teacher said you needed more color to your picture, but you
said you're not rich enough for a paint brush.
60. When you spend 25 minutes reading a list of 160 ways to tell if you're addicted
to the Times, trying to find something to add.
59. When the above is your top priority above homework.
58. If all of a sudden you have an innate ability to tell if you like someone
or not just because of their disclaimers.
57. The words "uber spiffy" start creeping into conversation more often than
before.
56. You realize that "uber spiffy" should be spelled "Über-Spiffy."
55. You call soccer/football "Deckball."
54. When you're still laughing at the latest "Really Confused" at 3:00 A.M.
53. When you e-mail NeoPets to ask if they misplaced your fan-mail.
52. You make jokes about Hidden Tower weapons being like foods--daily.
51. When you're not sure if Adam's last name is Powell or Brent.
50. When you write ways you're addicted to the Times so that others can see
how much you're addicted to the Times.
49. You try to bribe Felicia into putting it out on Thursday.
48. You open packages of Cheesy Neos, hoping to find some pets inside.
47. You'd rather win an Issue 3 of The Neopian Times instead of a codestone
at Tombola.
46. You realize that you've mentioned Issue 3 three times… freaky.
45. You let your dog stay outside until it *cough cough* so that you can make
a real Shankly shrine. (Uggh…)
44. You end every sentence with ^_^ or -_-.
43. When you can name every single Petpet ever created.
42. You wouldn't talk for a week after The Moo Strip stopped being published.
41. When you dump some money in front of a large tree.
40. When you buy a high speed Internet connection just to allow you to read
the NT faster.
39. You're extremely mad because your Neopian Times Issue 3 gallery didn't make
the Spotlight.
38. When you can't think of a way to tell if you're addicted to the Neopian
Times.
37. When you can think of a way to tell if you're addicted to The Neopian Times.
36. When you notice that 38 and 37 are opposites.
35. You are convinced that every problem in the world would be solved if we
all just read the Times and followed it's advice.
34. You hold a party whenever your favorite author gets a new 'month' trophy.
33. When your desk is covered in starts, ends and plots for stories and comics.
32. You desperately look around for more issues than Issue 3.
31. When you make reference to your "Neopian Times work" in your resume.
30. When some strangers asked you where you lived, you said "Neopia Central."
29. You noticed that 30 is the same as 89.
28. You refer to your doctor as Dr_Death.
27. You petition to have your country's flag replaced with The Neopian Times
symbol.
26. You are so desperate for a Neopian Times symbol that you just pretend there
is one.
25. You realize that there IS a Neopian Times symbol already and blush.
24. When you insist that a hit counter is put on every article, story, and comic
of yours.
23. When you put down Neopian Times Writer as your job.
22. You walk up to a newsstand and ask for a copy of The Neopian Times.
21. You've renamed your Kacheek rhoda_jones.
20. You were so moved by Memoirs of the Turmaculus that you cried.
19. You're constantly trying to get demoted to kindergarten so that you can
catch a glimpse of Warfy or Flizz.
18. You can remember which number each symptom is.
17. When you dye your komodo dragon black, put a little hat on it, and let it
loose in the streets to solve mysteries.
16. You create a hidden civilization devoted to eternal worship of the Times.
15. You write stories based on pictures you've seen on the Neocam.
14. When any and all of these apply to you.
13. You have created a religion devoted to the worship of the Times and it's
authors.
12. You are then named the Grand High Poobah of this said religion.
11. You insist that a Neopian Times Jingle be composed.
10. When you doodle Bucky the Babaa on your geometry homework, you insist that
it's merely a sheep.
9. You try to cover up "Sheep Of Doom" written all over your binder at school
by saying it's a band.
8. You write an article that covers 100 more ways to tell if you're addicted
to the Times.
7. When you mark the dates on your calendar when the new NT is supposed to come
out.
6. When you actually followed the directions on #99.
5. When you knit a blanket with a Neopian Times story transcribed into it.
4. When you find a feather, spraypaint it gold, and leave it on display in your
room.
3. When you get your weekly newspaper from a tree, not a paperboy.
2. When you believe that there should be a movie called "Chia's Play" with the
Evil Meerca Plushie.
1. When you have trouble explaining to your Spanish teacher why "Aisha" was
the answer to "?Como estas?"
Author's Note: Well, wasn't that pleasant! Just think-200 ways to tell you're
addicted to The Neopian Times! And you've read half of them-unless you've read
the prequel to this article! I want to thank the following for their contributions
(yet again) to this amazing list: ixisrkewl, Laurensama, Megz, Mushroom, tdyans,
stoneman3x, too_kule, Patjjade, tracypaper12, Noremac9, poy222, sticky, leb388,
child_dragon, rishiy, adoriblelapin, ember188, The Angry Artist, oily, Articuno_Neo,
smiley, peachifruit, sol_luna_estrella, al_the_chia, gentle_lil_queen, Chesil,
sillybatty, rodawig, meowzy, spacefaerie, Jsm_Tbird, and Teghan.
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