Luck No Further by too_kule |  |
INJUSTICE CENTRAL (also known as PET MAKE OVER CENTRAL) - It's an abomination.
It's a malfeasance. It's... a really, really bad thing. I'm talking about the
Top Games. Week after week,
you see the same games there. Meerca Chase, Destruct-O-Match, Dubloon Disaster
- MCDOMDD for short, which could also stand for Manipulative Cybunny Demolishing
Oblivious Moronic Underachieving Babaas, or it could even stand for Meerca Chase,
Destruct-O-Match, Dubloon -- but I digress.
You never see the classics there, the games that defined the era when prehistoric
beats roamed Neopia -- also known as now. I'm talking about the Guess the Cards,
the Dice-A-Roos and the Kacheek Seeks of the bunch.
What's worse, you never see any guides for these games! How could the geniuses
behind such creative and complex games be so unappreciated by not even getting
a guide for their toiling? Well don't worry people; I'm here! Here's some tips
and tricks for Neopia's less appreciated games.
Guess the Card - One of the first games to grace the supreme dustiness
of the Games Cupboard, Guess the Card can actually give out a major payout.
With my help, you'll be able to get fifty Neopoints after only six and a half
hours! Now, a lot of people say Guess the Card is all about luck. Of course
it is! Since it's all luck, I'd recommend using charms of the luck variety.
These come in many forms, including die, green Cybunny foot (straight from one
of Neopia's many green Cybunnies), ankh, coin and green boot. Close your eyes,
cross your fingers, and even mumble a good-luck voodoo chant. That's when you
guess your card. If you're right, you get a HUGE payout. If you're wrong, burn
the charms for the unluckiness they have brought down upon you and your family.
It's the right thing to do.
Dice-A-Roo - Dice-A-Roo involves rolling a die. It's just one of those
on-the-edge-of-your-seat-with-your-heart-pounding-one-hundred-miles-an-hour
type of game. Since you burned all of your lucky charms (smooth going there)
I suggest you... er... cheat. If you lack the ability to move objects at will
with your mind, the skill of turning the die when the Blumaroo isn't looking,
or being able to bribe, then you're going to have to find some other way. I
suggest the classic, "Look your house is on fire!" and then switch the die.
The Blumaroo is obviously going to see that you've 'Level-up' symbols on all
sides, I suggest throwing sand, or better yet, some kind of corrosive substance
in his eyes. That way, you get away with your few extra Neopoints, and only
cause severe physical and psychological damage to the Blumaroo. Win-win, right?
Kacheek Seek - While you may THINK this game is only luck, it's actually
a test of your Neopets' obedience. You have to get your pet to come out from
wherever he or she may be hiding. I suggest bribing them with some jelly! Just
yell as loud as you can, "WHOEVER WANTS SOME JELLY COME OUT!" If they're too
smart to be tricked by that, make a threat. "IF YOU DON'T COME OUT YOU AREN'T
GETTING ANY JELLY!" There's no way they could not come out after that.
Pick Your Own - Boy, did this game get old fast. I suppose when people
discovered they'd only win five piles of dung and, if they're extremely lucky,
a thirty NP berry after a while of searching. But here's how you can get all
thirty NP berries, and be that much closer to your two-hundred Neopoint goal!
The best way is to get a Slumberberry Potion from the Hidden Tower and offer
some to all the other berry-pickers. When they're down for the count, you can
just nick the juicy berries from their basket. But I know what you're thinking:
"The Slumberberry Potion costs nearly ten million NP and you said we'd only
get a few Neopoints by selling!" You can make those points back by giving Fyora
a drop and looting the Hidden Tower, 'earning' billions of Neopoints... which
sort of destroys the point of playing Pick Your Own to get money... ah well!
Pyramids - WHY-WON'T-YOU-STUPID-GAME-LET-ME-WIN-FOR-ONCE!?!
Potato Counter - Potato Counter is a game that tests your skills of
counting and... uh... yeah, just counting. If you can't count ninety potatoes
in six seconds, don't fret. Simply take your time. After six minutes, the Kacheek
will probably say, "You only win thirty Neopoints." When he does that, contradict
him by saying, "Only two seconds have passed." Odds are he'll go with you, seeing
as he's a Meridellian. They still think it's the middle ages, so they can't
have a very good head for time, can they?
Petpet Battledome - Petpets can be vicious little critters when provoked,
which makes them the perfect candidate for their own Battledome (well, not counting
Utility Fish -- man, can those things fight!). The best way to triumph here
is to use a Rock (formerly known as Pet Rock). No, not because of their awesome
knack for strategy and their prowess at evasion -- simply because they're hard
to hit. They have no body so a Body Blow is pointless, and they don't have a
head so it'd be futile to attempt a Head Shot. How could they be hit? The only
problem is getting the Rock to fight... unless you're willing to chuck it at
the enemy, there's not much you can do. Ah well, there's always the Petpet Beauty
Contest...
Poogle Racing - Nothing will help a make over-skipped Poogle run more
than proper motivation. I'm talking about yelling, name calling, jokes, and
pelting them with various inanimate (and sometimes animate if need be) objects,
the same sort of thing that goes on at your typical sports game. Trust me, treat
them like dirt and they'll be aching to run hard and win you some points.
Kiss the Mortog - Who wouldn't want to spend hours on end under the
Meridellian sun kissing green little beats who are prone to explode at the merest
touch of a lip? Evidently, many people, which is why you don't see too many
Mortog trophies in people's lookups. In Faerie Tales, Mortogs always seem to
transform for pretty little princesses. Therefore, it would be smart to make
yourself look pretty. However, pretty by a Mortog's standards would be downright
repulsive, so obviously it would be smart to cover yourself in mud, dung, and
other various disgusting substances. If you're the timesaving type, just chug
down a Blue Wocky Morphing Potion and use a Red Paint Brush. It's all the same,
really.
There you go, a foolproof way to get the top of the High Score List in any
of these games. Funny, I've never seen the Guess the Card High Score Table.
I couldn't possibly imagine why... This is too_kule, signing off from wherever
I may be. Over and out.
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