THEY CALL ME Darkwise.
Ha ha ha... how lame is that? That's how my daft,
dunghead of a brother started his little "monologue" thing. Honestly, was he
trying to make it sound dramatic or something? It certainly wasn't dramatic--it
sounded just plain dumb. Do you know what it's like to live with this psycho?
Not fun, I'll tell you now. In fact, I'll take this opportunity to tell you
all the things that are absolutely horrible about the little idiot.
First of all, he keeps me up all night every
single night in this little secret "lair" of his where he pigs out on neocola
and other junk beverages while thinking up "diabolical" plans to take over Neopia.
Who does he think he is, Sloth? Here I am, trying to get some sleep in my nice
zen bed when you hear "KA-BOOM!" from the basement. Don't ask me how mixing
potions that he steals from the magic shop is going to help him take over the
world. It's beyond my comprehension. I think Kauvara is in on his little conspiracy
he has going on. I bet you she just gives him random morphing potions just to
see if could really take over the world with them. Now I'm ranting about my
brother, this is my monologue isn't it? I shouldn't have to talk about my brother
the whole time.
Right, where to start? Oh, my view on the Neopia.
Ha. I guess it's OK, this world is the only one I've ever known although our
owner, Shaylir, tells us all about the world she lives in when she's not in
Neopia. I find it funny that Myyth wants to take over Neopia, I mean, how do
you take over a world without a leader in the first place? Besides, how is he
going to get past all of those darn faeries they've got everywhere? I doubt
they'll just stand back and say "Here Myyth, take over Neopia! We don't mind!"
Sheesh. I'm talking about my brother aren't
I? Crud. I promised not to do that. It's just so hard not to go off on a tangent
about him. Did I tell you I have an equally annoying sister? Her name's Shaeylan
and she's supposed to be some kind of baby blumaroo genius. It's sickening.
She acts all intelligent and then she'll ask really dumb questions like: "Why
is the sky blue?" "What is the meaning of life?" Who cares? C'mon now.
Do you know what it's like to live with two
such imbeciles? Absolutely horrid. The only good thing about them is their Petpets.
Why are their Petpets so great? Because my Petpet, Bittersweet, can taunt them.
It's quite amusing to see a little Boween viciously bouncing after a frightened
Alkenore. Okay, so it's fun to see Bittersweet snapping at my brother and sister's
paws as well, but Chelsea made me keep the poor guy from having any more biting
fun... oh well... be wary strangers.
I bet you are all wondering why I decided to
write this down. Well, because I wanted to show Myyth up. Just because he has
a supposed exciting thing to write about doesn't mean he's special. I'm special.
Just because I'm cynical and bitter doesn't mean I'm evil. I mean, Myyth is
a crazy maniac but that doesn't mean he's really evil. I'm getting off the subject
again, aren't I? What was the subject in the first place? Can't remember. Who
cares?
But don't you all pity me for my horrible life?
What can be worse then leaving with a psycho and a genius? Nothing I tell you
nothing. That is why I'm reaching out to all of you. If you are an only pet
and your owner tries to talk you into getting a siblings, don't go for it!
They'll ruin your lives. They will conspire against you.
Now... I'd also like to warn you about Ryshu,
the owner of the training school in Mystery Island. What do you think he wants
to do with all those codestones? It is my theory that he wants to take over
the world with them by--
This section of The Neopian Times has been torn
out...
(gulp) The End | 
