Neopian Evolution

by mem36

Foreword: You may think that NeoPets evolving into new, better pets is cool. You may think that it’s a good way to weed out the ugly and weak, then turn them into good-looking, powerful NeoPets Yes, it is all those things. But what do the pets think about it? Have you ever considered what they might feel when they go to bed a human and wake a fat bird? Probably not. That is why I present you with this tale of evolution, and all the disadvantages it brings. The date is early, far back, before Mystery Island was discovered. Before Dr. Sloth was thwarted. Before, even, many things which we now enjoy…Such as a 4,000 character shop description. Such as its 3,000th sign-up. A long, long, LONG time ago, there were races called the Cerpull, Polypup, Macy-Grey, and the pets looked very, very different, uglier than they do now...

A young Cerpull wandered into Joan the Aisha’s cave.

“ ’ello, Joan. Wot’s Evolution?” Joan looked shocked.

“Evolution! Don’t speak of such things! Russell, is it not enough that Neopia is in peaceful times? Do you need to know EVERYTHING about the world?”

“Yep, gotta know ev’rything. Need t’know all ‘bout this’n’that an’ them’n’there. Chap needs t’know stuff, wot wot?”

“Oh Russell, you are insufferable! Could you at least stop talking with that ridiculous Cerpull accent?”

“Now then, a chap’s gotta have some ol’ mem’ries to last him fer all ‘is days, don’t ‘e?”

“Russell, you do not need to know! Accept that as your fate and think of nothing more then a simple, happy life! Evolution is pure evil, and you would be by far better off not knowing what it does!”

“But I want to know! S’not fair.”

Joan sighed. “Evolution is what happens when you go into the Change Machine. You would enter a Cerpull, come out as a whole new pet, with no memory of your former self. Change is something different, change happens when the Change Machine backfires and does not fully Evolve. You keep the memories, but you look very different.”

Russell shrugged. “Always fancied m’self as a handsome chap, wot wot? I wouldn’t go into any funny sort of Change Machine.”

Joan looked at him wearily. “You have no choice when it happens. The Neopian Council decides when a pet must become different. You are put in the Machine, one by one, every one of your breed, or you are killed.” Russell tipped what would have been a cap, but as he had none, he simply tipped air. “Thankee, missus Joan.” Joan shooed him out of her quiet, peaceful den and took a small nap. After all, nothing was going to go wrong.

Suddenly, speakers blared across all Neopia. “ALL CERPULLS REPORT TO NEOPIA CENTRAL. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. ALL CERPULLS REPORT TO NEOPIA CENTRAL.” Russell was nervous, but he flew to the center of Neopia, watching all the other Cerpulls as they followed, with odd looks on their faces. What was this? What was happening? He was very confused. Still, on he flew.

When all the Cerpulls had come to Neopia Central, a door opened letting them into City Hall. A tall woman greeted them, and ushered them into a long hallway.

“Greetings, NeoPets You are the Cerpulls we requested for? Fine, fine. Line up now, single file. Walk in. No, not all of you! One at a time. I will say when the next may enter.”

Russell talked quietly to a Silver female standing next to him. “I say, what’s this, wot? Some sort of fancy Painting or summat?”

“Sithee, do not speak! It shall be worse for you!” Russell looked blank, then he quieted.

The hallway was filled with a very nervous feeling. There was an aura of discomfort, and everyone was shivering slightly. Finally, it was his turn to enter through the door. The room inside was simple--a fairly large tube, a small door on the right. A man was standing on the left, holding what appeared to be a remote. Invisible hands suddenly shoved him towards the tube, and as he stumbled into a gap in it, the gap closed. The man pressed a button on the remote, and indescribable pain coursed through his body. Russell tried to scream, but no sound came out. He shut tight his eyes and wailed silently. When he finally opened them, his body was changing! Horns pointed down swerved up, wings bent around, faces flattened then bulged outwards, skinny tails grew fat, and his snout became a beak. Overcome with dizziness, he fell unconscious.

When he woke up, he was standing in a small room packed with other mutated Cerpulls. The woman looked at them approvingly. “You are no longer Cerpulls! You no longer have those ridiculous accents! Your wings no longer fly swiftly, your horns are softer, you are no longer dragons. You are Tatsus! Glorious discoveries of Science! You have gone through Evolution! Long live the Change Machine”

After her short speech, she opened another door for them. They were let loose into Neopia as Tatsus, slow and weak and badly defended. The Polypup became Gelert, the Macy-Grey became Tuskaninny, the Jibjib became Jubjub, and many other NeoPets Changed or Evolved. No one has known their tale, for the pets lost all memory of their former life. Now, at least you do.