The Neo-Market Report

By stereolab

Once again it's time to join The Neopian Times' resident financial experts for this week's edition of The Neo-Market Report. Joining our hosts this week will be Chief of Sales for Shop Wizard N-Commerce, Kendynn the Grarrl. And now with the latest news from the exchange, here are Neil Kauvuto and Maria Blumaroono…

KAUVUTO: Hello and thanks for joining us for today's installment of The Neo-Market Report. I am your host Neil Kauvuto, and as always I am joined by my co-host Maria Blumaroono, who is at the News Desk with the latest word from the floor of the Neodaq. Maria…

BLUMAROONO: What a week it's been! Bullish market conditions have hit a fever pitch as the index has climbed to nearly two hundred. The winter recession now seems like a distant memory, as virtually every company trading on the Neodaq posted gains this week. Leading the charge once again is Jacko & Sons, which has been the big story of the business world in Year 3. Bolstered by swift sales of their new Golden Paintbrushes, the company's stock price doubled with a 449 NP surge. In a mere six weeks, the value of Jacko & Sons' stock has soared from 40 NP a share to 932 NPs, a more than twenty fold jump. Others leading the way include the Presidential Palace, whose stock price vaulted 425 NPs a share after owner P.J. Grundonn announced record earnings at a press conference earlier this week, and Neopian TV Channel One, whose "sweeps" ratings during the month of Awakening set a new all-time high.

KAUVUTO: Generally in the market, there are stocks that go up, and those that go down. However, in what is truly a rare occurrence, this week there were virtually no stocks that posted losses. With investors in a truly giving mood, the question must now be asked, how long can such unbridled spending continue before inflation starts to set in? And how will this infusion of NP into established winners like The Presidential Palace and Jacko & Sons affect smaller companies such as Shop Wizard N-Commerce? Well, here to visit us today is Kendynn the Grarrl, Chief of Sales for Shop Wizard N-Commerce. Kendynn, thanks for stopping by…

KENDYNN [shouting and waving arms]: THANK YOU NEIL! THIS IS THE HAPPIEST MOMENT… OF MY ENTIRE… LIFE!!!!

BLUMAROONO: Whoa buddy, calm down… now, there are those who say that your products are ridiculously overpriced. I mean, five thousand NPs for a Silver Capara Battledeck card?

KENDYNN: OH, BUT LISTEN MARIA!!! I DON'T THINK THAT YOU UNDERSTAND… THIS ISN'T JUST ANY TRADING CARD; THIS IS THE FIRST EDITION, EXTRA LIMITED EDITION CAPARA BATTLEDECK CARD!!! NOT SOME REGULAR OLD TRADING CARD… BUT ONE OF THE BRAND NEW, RIGHT OUT OF THE PACK BATTLEDECK CARDS!!! I AUCTIONED ONE OF THESE OFF THIS PAST WEEKEND FOR OVER THIRTY THOUSAND NEOPOINTS!!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME? THIRTY… THOUSAND… NEOPOINTS!!!

KAUVUTO: Um Kendynn, right now Shop Wizard N-Commerce's stock is flat at a measly nine NPs a share. Isn't the fact that no one is stupid enough to pay forty thousand NPs for a four thousand point Fire Sword the reason why your company isn't making any money?

KENDYNN: ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?!?! I SOLD FIVE OF THOSE BABIES LAST WEEKEND FOR SIXTY THOUSAND NPS EACH!!! A FORTY THOUSAND NEOPOINT FIRE SWORD IS A STEAL!!! THOSE SUCKERS SHOOT FIREBALLS!!! HAVE YOU EVER BEEN HIT IN THE HEAD WITH A FIREBALL? LET ME TELL YOU, IT REALLY HURTS!!! AND NOW THAT YOU CAN USE OUR "BUY NOW, PAY LATER" PROGRAM, YOU CAN PUT IT ON YOUR DISCOUNT CARD!!! THERE IS ABSOLUTELY… LET ME REPEAT, ABSOLUTELY, NO REASON FOR ANY ONE OF YOU OUT THERE TO NOT HAVE ONE OF THESE!!! AT FORTY THOUSAND NPS, WE'RE PRACTICALLY GIVING THESE BABIES AWAY!!!

BLUMAROONO: Well, if your company has got such great products and prices, wouldn't it be smarter to take that forty thousand NPs and invest it in shares of Shop Wizard N-Commerce?

KENDYNN [putting index finger to his ear and looking away] UM GUYS… IS THAT WHAT WE'RE DOING?... OKAY, I'M SORRY NEIL AND MARIA, BUT I'VE REALLY GOT TO BE GOING… BUT HEY, I'VE REALLY ENJOYED TALKING TO YOU… [cut]

KAUVUTO: Well, it looks like that's going to do it for us this week. For Maria Blumaroono and Kendynn the Grarrl, this is Neil Kauvuto saying thank you and so long…