Making Neofriends - The Courteous Way

Let's face it - most of us like some form of chat on neopets. Some like a large volume of chat and will sit on boards for hours, sometimes talking about trivial things. Some like to have the micro chat, as I like to call it. It is connection with another player, either on the boards, or neomailing them, for a brief exchange. It is just knowing someone is THERE in Neopia and the surrounding lands. Granted, there are the handful that dislike chatting at all. They usually do not belong to guilds, they many times have a page full of trophies, and they are diligent players; VERY diligent players. If this is you, this article might be more humorous than informative. That's okay - read on!

There are several ways one can make friends on Neopets. Some are rude. Some are courteous. In my opinion, to make a friend here, you need good manners and some courtesy. Not everyone here is a teenager or a pre-teen, and you need to remember that when reading lookups and requesting friendships. If you want to be friends with someone who seems interesting or cordial on the boards, or from their lookup or pet lookups, or maybe even a tutorial they've written, you need to ASK and not assume you will be welcome. Sure, you know you are a great person, but they do not - yet. Do not just ask to be NF with someone, when you have not talked to them on the boards, or sent a mail introducing yourself, or RE-introducing yourself. Blind requests I call this, and it is not only rude, but will probably get you refused by the person, if not blocked totally. I myself have done that, but that is another paragraph. Below are a few ways of finding people you might like to be friends with.

Board bonding - I call this board bonding, because sometimes you meet someone on the board who is funny, or helpful, or just really a pleasant person. If you are not painfully shy, or a lurker, hopefully you've entered the conversation politely (a whole new article there!) and have gotten to exchange some words with the person. If so, please do not ask to be neofriends on the board. It is a rude gesture, though most likely not intended to be so. It is just that, if the person has not bonded with you as you have with them, then they are put on the spot and feel obligated to say yes when they really do not intend to converse with you personally, via neomail. Don't embarrass yourself and them that way, please! You will be disappointed and disillusioned when they never answer your mails, and they will feel badly about ignoring you; possibly they might decide to block you as well. Bad idea.

Instead, post on the board that you would like to mail them, then do so, asking in the neomail. Introduce yourself again, mention you are on the board they are on right now, (or were on) and be complimentary. What drew your attention to them in the first place? Their sincerity? Their sense of humor? Their avatar? Their knowledge? Tell them! If you've looked at their lookup, which by now, I would think you've done, give a compliment. I do not mean to gush over them or sound like a groupie... that would be a disturbing thing! But sincere flattery is always usually enjoyed and a great ice breaker. Tell them a little about yourself. A little - not a novel's worth! You are not the Ghost Lupe, after all!

Lookup lurking - I call this lookup lurking, not to give a secretive flavor, or suggest some skulk around ominously, but because sometimes you get sidetracked and look at a shop and want to see who made it, or come across someone from a contest, and go to their lookup. No matter how you got to it, you ended up at a lookup that intrigued you and you decided to neomail the person. Probably with the hope of maybe becoming friends. That's a good way to find someone. I myself have done so. I have made friends by reading and needing help with a tutorial someone wrote and mailed the person, by mailing a contest winner, congratulating them, and a few other ways as well. I admit it, I've 'cold neomailed' before.

Again, neomail and introduce yourself immediately, and tell them how you found their username. Be honest. Most can smell a line of lies a mile away. Tell them about yourself, and why you found them to be a person you would like to be neofriends with.

Guild gestures - If you belong to a guild, then keep an eye out for new members. When someone joins and introduces themselves on the board, talk to them! Converse. After all, guilds are partly just for that - chatting! So chat it up... that newbie might make a great and loyal neofriend. You might even be able to help them out, displaying your genuine personality as a bonus. This method of friend finding is the easiest, since you are in the same guild, and thus, seemingly less strangers than cold contacts, per se. You can feel free to talk on the guild boards, more freely than on site boards, meaning go ahead and ask if you can be friends, or mail them. It is a more close knit environment, and perfectly acceptable to do so.

All this brings me to a few rules, or Do's and Do Not's, concerning making neofriends. Below you will find these notes.

Please - do not do the following:

Do not keep mailing, without waiting for their answer! Some people I've let add me as a NF have been a bit pesky. They are bored, and expect me to entertain them, apparently.

Do not do this, please. Mailing three or four times, asking why aren't they answering, what did you do wrong, and so forth, is a bit irritating to read when you get onsite. Mail them, then wait. Yes, practice patience. Your new friend probably has a life, and is not on Neopets 24/7. Allow for that. If you challenge to a battle, as a side note, try setting the date/time for a few days ahead, giving them time to log on, see the challenge, and reply before the date/time is past.

Don't cold mail someone, without telling them how you came across their username. Very poor form.

Don't assume everyone is a teenager or pre-teen here. I've had people mail me asking what grade I am in, do I have a boyfriend, etc., and if they actually read my lookup, it states I am an adult. Please at least look to see if you can see an age. If not, ask them! Rambling on about school things while talking to an adult gives the impression you did not read their information they took time to post. Not too many points for that. Oops.

Absolutely Do the following:

Note on your lookup if neofriends and neomails are open or closed, or limited. I myself usually say mail is open, and friends is open only if I've talked to you before.

Know that the option of communicating with you is the other person's choice at this point, and respect that.

Now, if you happen to be on the receiving end of a cold friend request, there are still rules to follow, for good manners. Don't panic. Don't get mad. Sit down if you are standing. Breathe. They might not have read this article. Relax. You can still teach them. You don't have to reduce yourself to the venting phase - yet. Mail them, stating that you do not accept cold friends requests, and if they wish to be considered for friends, then please mail you with some information on how they came across your name, something about themselves, etc. Be nice.

Then wait. Usually this nets a response by mail, with exactly what you requested and you can go from there. There have been times, however, when the person continues to request to be friends, without so much as an acknowledgement of ever read your mail. I will refuse the request, and actually had to refuse and rewrite twice, with no answer except for another request, forcing me to finally block them. Not something I do lightly, but I'm grateful that button is there.

Alrighty then! You are on your way to finding and accepting new neofriends, the courteous way! Isn't it great to know that all over Neopia and the surrounding lands, courtesy and manners will be making a revival?? You bet! Now get to mailing someone!