25 Things Not To Do At The Golden Dubloon!

These angry pirates don’t look friendly; one wrong move and that would be it. They would cut your throat and feed you to the Jetsams! As you casually edge your way to the food counter, you notice every other pet in there is staring at you. Scared yet? You should be!

I’m here to help! I’m going to tell you 25 things you can’t do when in this position, ever! Let us start with entering the Golden Dubloon:

1)Watch the step as you go in! A very close friend of mine tripped once and he says the floor isn’t pleasant! It’s apparently very sticky with all the Grog they drink!

2)Never, ever, EVER, make eye contact with the Pirate Lupe sitting at table 3. I happened to do it once and my left ankle has never been the same since! You’ve been warned.

3)Try not to look frightened; the other pirate pets love this and will treat you like a baby Aisha for the rest of the evening! And we don’t want that, do we?

4)Don’t let anyone notice how many dubloons you actually have! There are a few known thieves around the Golden Dubloon and no... I’m not one of them. *shifty eyes* What would make you think that?!

5)DO NOT try and say some silly joke about pirates! It upsets the pets and makes you look like a fool. However, if for some reason, you feel like being hung upside down above the Jetsams tonight, here’s a joke you may use: How many pirates does it take to put in a light bulb? None! They are all too busy slurping down grog and pop that they don’t care if the light is out!

Ok, so you’ve made it inside! Well done, you! Now, you need to order some food and pay for it. This can be a deathly situation if done wrong, so pay close attention!

6)When ordering your food, try and put on a pirate accent. Otherwise they won’t understand a word you’re saying! (They are known to be quite stupid.) So, get practising your “Yarrs”!

7)First, you must pick a starter. I highly recommend you do not buy the Shiver Me Shrimp! Legend says that the Pirate Krawk of Neopets Year 2 caught them and they haven’t been changed since!

8)Oh and before I forget, see the gruesome looking hand holding up the Starters table? Don’t touch it!! It may make you buy the shrimp or even worse, it may take you deep down into the cooking room and make you cook the shrimp! AHHHH PERISH THE THOUGHT!! *coughs* Ahem, sorry about that.

9)So you have made it to the Main Course? This part may be tricky; a lot of the food bites, so be careful! Especially look out for the Bilge Rat Madeira. It has sharp teeth!

10)Resist the temptation to stick your hand inside the Famous Krawk Pie! It’s very hot in there and it can be difficult to get your hand back out! Normally this results in you having to buy the pie, just so you can eat you way out of it!

11)Don’t be fooled by Loretta! Some say she’s not really an Aisha at all… she’s a *gasp* Poogle!! *shudders*

12)Now for the most dangerous of all Main Courses! The Slithering Squid Surprise! It looks gross and trust me, it is! Slimy and gooey... ick! I touched it once and it’s something Id never do again! It wrapped its slippery tentacle right around me and wouldn’t let go until I bought it! Not very nice!

13)Do not be tempted to sit in one of the chairs around the Main Course table. Sure they look comfy, but Barnacle Bill was sitting there whilst eating his Belt Busting Burger and he made a little bit of a mess!

14)See the little flag in the burger? Isn’t it cute? *giggles* Sorry, back on with the guide!

15)Now, in my eyes, the only safe thing to buy from the Main Courses is the Cap’n Threelegs Cutlass Crusade! WARNING – This is a whopping 9 dubloons to buy! So if you do decide to buy this, make sure you have the dubloons to do so!

You think you’re pretty tough now, right? You’ve got through the door, got your starter, got your main course! But how well will you hold up, when getting your dessert?! Their yummy, delicious scents will send you and your pets wild! Here’s a few pointers for getting past this point:

16)First things first, if you’re watching the pounds, on you AND your pet, the best thing is to skip straight past the desserts! It’s the safest way! But who in the right mind would do that?!

17)Forbidden Plunder… the most delicious dessert of them all! A delicious Krawk Island fudge cake, covered in fresh chocolate sauce, all the way from Neopia Central. Topped with a serving of cream and… *dribbles* NO! STOP! This is a dangerous area; step away from the pudding!

18)Sure, the Squid Surprise looks harmless, but what happens when you put it in your mouth and it begins to wiggle? Huh? My advice? Put the squid down and move on! And what is that pink sauce on its head?!

19)Blueberry and Oyster Ice Cream. Great for the baby pets, but no, you need to look like a pirate here! And who wants oyster flavoured ice cream anyway? Silly pirates, do they know nothing about ice cream?

20)If you absolutely insist on a dessert, the safest one is a Joy Fun Pop! Lots of fruity flavours, but look out! One of them is mocha flavoured! BLAH!

Phew! We’re past the desserts! Now just the final party of ordering food, the cocktails!

21)WATCH OUT!! THE CANNON FODDER IS ABOUT TO EXPLODE!! Well, not really! *giggles* But the cocktail stick in it is on fire! So watch out! Easily burnt pet paws there!

22)Ok, so the Grog looks fine, but what IS that one at the back? It’s... brown?! Now that can’t be a “Fruity Flavour”… can it?

23)Ahhh, Walk The Plank. One of the nicest drinks on the Island! Specially made by Loretta in the Golden Dubloon basements! But be warned, one sip and you’re hooked for life! And soon you’ll be coming back EVERY day and having to read this guide, EVERY day! And no, we do not want that to happen!

24)Grog Light, ok, so it’s simply enough, but DO NOT drink it! There are many secrets in that cup and who knows? A pirate petpet could be living inside! *shudder*

25)Whatever you do, do not, EVER buy the Hogshead! This is every pirate's dreams and they will get it from you! Yes, I recommend going for a simple Pop Drink! Much easier.

So there you have it! Using these 25 little tips, you can safely enter the Golden Dubloon and buy your food! All that’s left now is eating it. Do you dare? Ewww, what’s that in your steak? DON’T EAT THAT!! You’re never safe… not from the Golden Dubloon!

*Thank you to all my wonderful friends for believing in me and keeping me strong while I wrote this article!*