Debunking Jelly World

Which for any of you new to Neopia means NOT AT ALL.

The sheer absurdity of this so-called fantasy land is usually enough to debunk the theory on the spot, but with so many innocent newbies falling prey, it's easy to get caught up in the tide. After all, who doesn't want to believe in innocent little Jelly Neopets frolicking about a sugary paradise, a place untainted by evil? But at the risk of sounding like Lawyerbot, I must say that if something seems too good to be true... it probably is.

So today, I am here to challenge the existence of the so-called "Jelly World."

Now obviously, there is no way an entire town can be made out of JELLY! It's preposterous- almost as unbelievable as Adam refusing asparagus or Skarl collecting Usukis (The operative word being "almost"). However, some poor, misled Neopians actually believe in the tall tale. This must be stopped. So I'll give you five reasons why Jelly World does not, could not, and would not exist.

5) As residents of the Lost Desert know, Neopia can be very hot sometimes. So much so that even Nabile takes off her veil- and that's hot. Well, doesn't jelly melt? If it did exist, sticky globs of half-melted gelatin would be washing up on the coasts of Mystery Island every time a heat wave came through. Maraqua would be encased in a huge blob of jelly. Krawk Island would simply be overrun. But the Tombola Man hasn't taken a break to dredge his stand, the Dubloon-O-Matic is still functioning, and no one in Maraqua is stuck in a giant jelly mass. So obviously, Jelly World is a myth.

Need more proof? Well, it's a good thing I've got some.

4) Tyrannian Neopets are seen in Tyrannia. Desert Neopets are seen in the Lost Desert. So wouldn't you see Jelly Neopets in Jelly World? But they're not in Jelly World- they are spread around Neopia like any other Black, Purple, or Fire Neopet. No one goes on about Fire World or Purple Land, though; only jelly seems to tempt us with its existence. (Who would want to go to Purple Land? Lame...) It seems that these jelly pets are simply another hybrid species- and very tasty, if you talk to a Skeith.... (The author cries out as she gets hit on the head by several Jelly pet owners.) Hey, hey, hey... Jelly pets are cool.... don't hurt me please.... oh dear.

(Here, the author is hit with several globs of jelly from assorted Neopets. There is a brief intermission as she leaves to go clean herself off.)

Ahem.

Thanks for waiting.

Where were we? Ah yes... reason number three....

3) You all love TNT, right? We've got our El Picklesaur plushies (and SOME of you won't admit it, but I know it's true) and when Mom asks us to eat our asparagus, we're a little more willing than last time. So let me ask you, would the Team LIE to you? Just look at Donna, Dragona, and Snowflake. They may eat your socks, but honestly, I think socks are pretty tasty, especially when dipped in maple syrup... or with cereal... I like cereal...

(Coughs)

Moving on.

2) The idea of a dinosaur laying an egg for an omelette is completely plausible- we've seen it happen again and again. The hot sun of Tyrannia bakes the egg, and lo and behold, an omelette is born! But... how could Jelly World keep replenishing its jelly? It's not like a dinosaur could lay a JELLY egg. That's just silly. And we all know that there's no such thing as a Jelly Faerie. Logically, there would be no way to sustain this fruity mass of land whose existence Neopia has become so attached to. It would simply dry up.

And now, for the most important, obvious reason of all, the number one reason proving once and for all that Jelly World is a myth...

Meepits. That's right- MEEPITS.

Many may not know just how evil Meepits are. Let's put it this way:

Combine Dr. Sloth with Meuka. Now imagine something a hundred times worse. Throw in Vira and Captain Scarblade into the mix, then sprinkle in a bit of Haunted Woods.

You haven't even scraped the surface of any Meepit's pure cunning and wickedness.

Obviously, these are not beings to be trifled with.

If there was a Jelly World, I am positive that the Meepit army would be very aware, and most likely use it as a headquarters for plotting the takeover of Neopia (or maybe opening a shop selling highly delicious jelly cuisine. But that's not likely). If it existed, Jelly World would be the perfect tactical location. Unlimited food, unknown coordinates in the world. Can you imagine the possibilities? Do you want to? Jelly World would not exist, or the Meepits would be there already, planning our unfortunate demise and snacking on various jelly delicacies instead of sipping juice through pipes. And no one wants to drink juice through a pipe. It's unsanitary.

After hearing all of this, I am sure than any Neopian with sanity left can now face facts: Jelly World is a myth. The evidence against its existence is staggering. If anyone still has any lingering doubts, you're welcome to pack up your Usuki camping sets and journey to find this magical land, but I believe you'll find nothing but air, tube socks covered in cheese, and angry Meepits. I advise against this; personally, I like living. Many have tried and failed and I wouldn't want you to be added to that unfortunate list.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to board up my windows, grab my El Picklesaur plushie, and curl up under my Anti-Meepit blanket. If you're smart, you'll do the same.

I claim no responsibility for psychotic Meepit hordes attacking your Neohome and throwing jelly at you. Sorry.