A Tale Of Two

"Dray. This is my life ambition. You have to help me," Kear pleaded with his friend, scrunching his face into the best Baby Lupe look he could muster. It was a good try, but unfortunately for him, the cuteness of Baby Lupes were difficult to copy when you had sharp teeth and a sharp hook.

     "What, steal all the ice cream from that dude on Terror Mountain?" Dray yawned, lazily flipping through the pages of yet another book with pretty pink Usukis on the front cover.

     "No, I mean my life ambition to become a super duper extra deluxe Ice Krawk!" Kear grinned, grabbing Dray's book and flinging it to the ground.

     "Hey! I was reading that," the Draik complained, shifting around so he was sitting straight, instead of slouching across the couch. It was really a lovely couch, all pink with red hearts and enough stuffing to cushion the spikes on his tail.

     "What, Usukicon: A History? You'd be better off reading The Neopian Times, get up to date with current affairs." Kear didn't understand Dray's obsession with Usukis, because he, unlike a certain Draik, was a true pirate, and had no girly hobbies like knitting jumpers or cooing over baby neopets.

     "You're the one with all the sewing books." Ignoring Kear's indignant splutters, Dray continued, "How do you want me to help you anyway? Either go to the Lab Ray Scientist and beg him to help you, or go fishing for Rainbow Flasks."

     "I can't fish, Dray, you know that. And the Lab Ray Scientist? That crazy old Scorchio? No way. You do remember Cam's horror stories, don't you?"

     Dray and Kear both spared a moment to shudder, thinking of late nights up with their sister/sometimes brother Cam, listening to stories about her experience with the Lab Ray.

     "Well, what else can you do? I mean, it's not like you can go up to the Snowager and say, 'Hey Snowie, gimme a blast so I can be an Ice Krawk!' or something..."

     If there was a lightbulb wearable somewhere, somehow, it would now be hanging over Dray's head.

     ***

     "You know, this might be the best idea you've ever come up with," Kear mumbled as the two trudged up the snowy terrain of Terror Mountain.

     "Of course, I'm a genius," Dray said smugly. True, most of his genius ideas involved the pranking of unsuspecting siblings, but this was for the good of Neopian kind! (Or at least one of them.)

     They had set out for the Snowager's icy lair in the morning, determined to get a decent blasting out of the massive, irritable worm, all for the sake of Kear's 'life ambition'.

     "This place is pretty big," Dray commented as the two pirates tiptoed into the cavern.

     "Quiet! Don't wake it up yet!" Kear hissed as the two neared the gigantic ice worm.

     Kear made his way slowly across the ice, carefully avoiding the deep cracks that spread across the entire floor.

     "Ready?" Dray mouthed. The Draik had situated himself at the belly of the Snowager, right hook poised to deliver a punishing tickle to the sleeping beast.

     Kear gulped, then nodded. It might be painful, it might be cold, but Kear was ready to give up everything to fulfil his dream of being an Ice Krawk. A dream that had been inspired when Cam had commented yesterday that 'Whoa, they say there's only about FOUR Ice Krawks up and about in the whole of Neopia!"

     A grin split his companion's face. Poking the Snowager, and having someone else take the blasting? Best idea ever.

     ***

     "Um, isn't he supposed to respond by now?" Kear asked, staring nervously up at the giant worm as Dray continued poking the Snowager with the sharp end of his hook.

     "I don't get it." Dray grumbled. He sharpened and shined his hook every day - the Snowager had to be feeling it.

     "Maybe it only wakes up when you try to steal its treasure?" Kear suggested.

     Dray rolled his eyes, but reached over anyway to snag a shiny gold negg from beneath the Snowager. It didn't budge.

     "Hello? We're here to steal your treasure! WAKE UP!" Dray yelled at the top of his voice.

     Several stalactites wobbled a bit at the force of his roar, but the Snowager did not stir. Not even a twitch of its huge, elongated tail.

     ***

     The two had finally left the Snowager's lair after an entire afternoon of shouting at the Snowager, and were now making their way down the gentle slopes of Happy Valley.

     "Oh look, it's that ice cream dude!" Dray yelped, pointing excitedly to the blue Lutari manning a matching ice cream cart. "The one you wanted to steal all the – Mrphh!"

     Kear whacked his friend over the head, then grinned brightly at said ice cream dude. "Hi, Mr. Chipper!"

     "I've said it before, Kear, if you don't have coupons, I can't give you any ice cream." The Lutari let out a long suffering sigh.

     "I know, I know. But Dray and I came here today to get blasted by the Snowager!" Kear explained as Dray shot daggers at him, rubbing his head and wincing. Honestly, sometimes Dray wondered why he and the juvenile little Krawk were still friends.

     "Why?" Mr. Chipper asked, raising an eyebrow. These kids had obviously forgotten to read the news, else they had been living under a rock for the past two weeks. Everyone knew that the Snowager was hibernating, and even the most cowardly neopets were taking the chance to sneak into its cavern to steal some treasure.

     "So Kear can be an Ice Krawk, of course!" Dray enthused, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Well, probably not that obvious, because who else would have his genius?

     Mr. Chipper decided that it was too cruel to let the pirates continue on their silly venture to be blasted by the Snowager, and told them the truth. "Well, you two, the Snowager is currently hibernating, and hasn't blasted anyone in over a week."

     ***

     "Oh, I see, the Snowager is hibernating..."

     "WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE SNOWAGER IS HIBERNATING??? IT LIVES IN THE ICE CAVES! IT'S NOT LIKE THE TEMPERATURE CAN GET ANY COLDER!" Dray shrieked, waving his arms around (like the idiot he had to be).

     "Hey, hey, watch the hook," Kear grumbled. "I knew this was a bad idea."

     "You were pretty excited too, Mr. I wanna be the coolest Ice Krawk in Neopia," Dray sneered, thoroughly upset that his brilliant scheme had failed. All because the Snowager had gotten tired of blasting hapless neopets into bits of oddly shaped ice? How annoying.

     "Come on, you know that being blasted by the Snowager doesn't make you ice permanently. You'll melt as soon as you leave the Ice Caves," Mr. Chipper said cheerfully.

     Dray stared at the Lutari for five whole seconds.

     "You mean neopets end up being water after being blasted? Cool! No wonder there's been so many water neopets around!" Dray yelled, whooping excitedly.

     "No, I meant..." The ice cream vendor tried to explain, but the two pirates were already off, talking about how cool it would be if they became water.

     He sighed. Some neopets never learned.

     ***

     Somewhere, in the vast caverns of the Ice Caves, the Snowager shifted in his slumber, wrapping a tail around his treasure as he dreamt of blasting poor, innocent neopets into little chunks of ice.

The End