The Fleapit Hotel: A Review

     Are you in need of a vacation? Do you simply need a relaxing weekend away from your noisy neighbors who blast Jub Zambra or Gruundo at all hours of the night? Would you like to stay at a luxurious hotel with all the amenities, including a restaurant, indoor pool, and a fitness center? If you said yes to any of those questions, then the Fleapit Hotel is not for you.

     I have stayed at many hotels around Neopia, and the Fleapit Motel did not meet my standards. I’ve been to bad hotels before, but this was one of the worst. I didn’t even try to get my neopoints back because I was running out of there so fast. Spend your neopoints wisely and stay somewhere else.

     I stepped into the Fleapit Hotel bright and early Saturday morning with high hopes. I was in dire need of a weekend getaway. At first, things seemed promising. The Uni who checked me into the hotel was very friendly, and even offered to carry my luggage up to my room. The hotel lobby was nicely decorated, with deep red carpet, large windows, and beautiful paintings on the walls.

     While the Uni was taking my bags to the room, I decided to check out the fitness center. I walked in, expecting to see lots of exercise equipment, but all I saw was an empty room. I asked the attendant where the fitness center was. She said,

     “This is the fitness center! Don’t worry, you have found the right place!”

     Seeing the puzzled look on my face, she said,

     “This is more of a fitness space than a fitness center. You are welcome to setup your exercise equipment here and exercise. If you didn’t bring anything to use you are also welcome to do some push-ups in here, or anything else you’d like.”

     An empty room is an empty room, and you can’t call it a fitness center. The Fleapit Hotel has no business advertising a fitness center when all they have is an empty room. That should have been my first clue that my stay would not go as planned.

     Thinking the fitness center was pretty odd, I decided to try out the pool instead. I love a good swim. The “fitness center” was really strange, I thought, but the pool should be fine. Apparently I was wrong. I walked into the pool room and there was almost no water. I stood in the pool and the water didn’t even go up to my knees. I asked the Mynci lifeguard if he could fill the pool with more water.

     "I'm sorry, ma'am, but I cannot swim, so I only fill the pool up that high. It would be dangerous to fill it up anymore than that," he said.

     Baffled, I said, "if you can't swim, then why are you a lifeguard?"

     "I come from a long line of lifeguards. My father, his father, and his father's father have all been lifeguards. They would be so disappointed in me if did anything else."

     What is the point of even having a pool if you can’t fill it up very high? It wasn’t even high enough for me to really swim.

     Frustrated, I decided to leave the pool and try out the restaurant. They say their baked avocado with curried sauce is world famous, after all. There has to be something good about this hotel, I thought, for it to still be open. I ordered that and a cheesecake for dessert. The baked avocado with curried sauce was absolutely dreadful. I'm not sure if it even had avocado in it. The waiter came up and asked me how the food was and I said, "I thought this dish was world famous?"

     The waiter leaned in close to me and said, "they don't want people to know this, but the reason that dish is so famous is because it is famously bad. I'm so sorry, I'll bring out your cheesecake soon and it will be on the house. Don't worry, everybody loves this cheesecake!"

     He quickly brought out the cheesecake and it appeared to have some kind of cherry topping. Hopeful, I took one bite and realized that the topping was tomato, not cherry! I quickly spit it out and the waiter saw what happened.

     "I'm so sorry! The cherries and the tomatoes are kept in the same kind of container and the chef must have mixed them up. Can I bring you something else?"

     After tasting the tomato cheesecake I was not in the mood to eat anything else. Thoroughly disgusted, I declined and decided to head up to my room.

     Once I was there I wanted to change into something more comfortable, but I realized that my luggage was not there. I ran down to the front desk and asked the Uni where my luggage had gone.

     She said, “You are staying in room 213, right?”

     “No, I am staying in room 312.”

     We both rushed up to room 213 to find my things. When we opened the door we discovered that the Gelert who was staying there was trying on my clothes. Embarrassed, she looked at us and said,

     “I’m sorry, I was going to bring these back to you! Your clothes were so cute, I just had to try them on first.”

     She had gone through all my clothes and they were scattered all over the room. Irritated, I asked for them all back.

     “Can I borrow this dress for today? I’m just absolutely in love with it!”

     “No,” I said.

     “Umm… okay…” said the Gelert.

     When she finally got all the clothes back to me I walked back up to my room and laid down on the bed. Maybe my experience was bad so far, but I was looking forward to a good night's sleep. However, falling asleep here was not easy. The neopets in the room above me were stomping around and partying all night. The whole point of my stay was to get away from loud noises. I walked down to the front desk to complain and no one was there. I went back to my room and waited for them to stop. Finally at around 3 AM they quieted down and I was able to relax.

     Just when I was about to drift off I felt something crawling on me. I lifted up the covers and to my horror I discovered not one, not two, but several itchis crawling on me! I jumped out of the bed and ran into the shower, but it wouldn't turn on! I gave up on the whole stay and just ran out of the hotel and went back home.

     My stay at the Fleapit Hotel was extremely disappointing. Almost everything that could go wrong did go wrong. The hotel is dirty, the food is bad, and the lifeguard doesn't know how to swim. The amenities that they advertise are very misleading. The fitness center is just a room and the pool is barely filled with water. The staff is very friendly, but they still lost my luggage and one of the other neopets staying there tried on all of my clothes. I would not recommend this hotel to anyone. It may be cheap, but it is not worth the price. Spend your neopoints elsewhere.

     The End.