Geographical Guide to the Best Recipes in Every Land

     In this week’s issue, our two adventurers will be visiting two of Neopia’s more unique lands that are located at the bottom of mountain ranges. Get ready, because we’ll be heading to the Haunted Woods and then Tyrannia.

     While the plains are composed mainly of sediments washed down and deposited from the mountains, these areas are much closer to the tectonic activity, and the lands bear the scars of the subduction zones, faults, and mountain uplift.

     Haunted Woods is named after its forests, but the trees that comprise the Haunted Woods aren’t like any other trees in Neopia. All I’ll say is don’t get too close, and don’t ever deviate from the paths that traverse the Haunted Woods. There are also numerous swamps and caves to be on the lookout for. It’s called Haunted Woods for a reason.

     Lilian and Werther fly for over a day to get to the Haunted Woods from Brightvale.

     Haunted Woods: Chocolate Jack-O-Lantern Chip Cookie

     Werther: What are your thoughts on the Haunted Woods?

     Lilian: It’s too spooky for me, but I know a lot of people love it because it’s Halloween all year long here. Most of the food is really off-putting, so for my article, I’m going to focus on recipes that appeal to everyone.

     Lilian lands the mechanical hot air balloon right outside the Haunted Woods Archway that serves as the entrance to the Haunted Woods.

     They decide to start their journey through the Haunted Woods by stopping at Edna’s Tower and seeing if there is a recipe she’d be willing to share with them.

     Edna: *CACKLE* Have you come to request a quest from me?

     Lilian: No, but we are on a quest. We came to ask if you’d share a recipe of yours to add to my series I’m writing for the Neopian Times.

     Edna ponders Lilian’s request before answering.

     Edna: I still need you to complete a quest for me first. If you do it, I'll reward you with the recipe for Chocolate Jack-O-Lantern Chip Cookies.

     Edna lists out the ingredients needed for her recipe. Lilian and Werther quickly collect all the missing ingredients Edna requested. They want to get back to Edna as quickly as possible, before she can change her mind.

     They return to Edna’s Tower and hand Edna all the items she asked for.

     Edna: You’re faster than most Neopians who complete my quests. I’m a witch of my word. Let's get this over with! For this recipe, you will need:

     Stick of Butter, Bag of Sugar, Brown Sugar Sweet Potato, Pumpkin Negg, Chia Flour, Chocolate Tree Decoration, Darigan Salt and Pepper Shakers, Magic Holiday Spices

     Begin by baking your Brown Sugar Sweet Potato and squeezing out a half-cup of its contents. If there’s not enough juice, you can add some potato to this recipe. Using your potato instead of standard Brown Sugar will give this a sweet earthy taste. Can’t be too perfect or angelic here. Then, cream a half-cup of your Stick of Butter with your Brown Sugar mixture and a half-cup from your Bag of Sugar. Once these are full, add the contents of one Pumpkin Negg. This will act as the binder for the dough, and also flavour it pumpkin - two birds with one negg. Now, add three cups of Chia Flour and a teaspoon each of salt and Magic Holiday Spices, and mix again. On a cutting table, chop your Chocolate Tree Decoration into tiny, chocolate woodchips until you have two cups worth. Bake your cookies for 12 minutes at 350°. After placing the cookies in my oven you must recite “Bubble Bubble, Toil and Trouble.” It helps the cookies keep their Jack-O-Lantern shape.

      Lilian: Thank you so much Edna for teaching us how to make Chocolate Jack-O-Lantern Chip Cookies.

     Edna: You caught me on a good day. I’ll still turn you into a toad if you anger me. I’d appreciate it if you don’t mention how nice I was to you both in your article. I prefer Neopia to see me as a mean old crazy.

     Lilian: We need to be on our way. Thanks again Edna!

     Lilian and Werther make their way towards The Deserted Fairground, being cautious not to leave the designated path.

     Haunted Woods - Deserted Fairground: Wakey Wakey Juice

     After walking through The Deserted Fairground and speaking to the locals of the Haunted Woods, Werther bumps into a creature that tells him of a juice that can keep you up for long hours without needing sleep.

     Werther: Pardon me, I hardly saw you.

     Albert: It’s no bother; I’ve been following behind you since you left Edna’s. I’ve come to tell you of my favourite recipe around here. I’m forced to serve the Esophoger all the time, and I’m fed this drink to keep me going. What could be more frightening than walking through here in the hours after midnight? Drinking something that looks like it could haunt you in your dreams and has a 95% chance of making you sick – way worse than your odds of winning a prize at Test Your Strength. Are you sure you want me to share this recipe?

     Lilian: If you would be so willing, yes. Perhaps in sharing it with Neopia, we can find an antidote for it to help free you.

     Albert: If you insist, then. No one will be sleeping for a week if they drink this. You’ll need the following items:

      Hot Apple Cider, Candy Corn Fizzy Drink, Fright Pop, Eerie Eggs

      For this juice, if I dare call it that, you won’t need much time to prepare it, which is fantastic if you’re still groggy and running late to something … or running away from something. Go ahead and combine two cups of the Hot Apple Cider with a half can each of the Candy Corn Fizzy Drink and the Fright Pop. The candy corn drink will add a sweet amount of sugar to energize you, and the fright pop will kick your adrenaline right into action. Break open a couple of eerie eggs into the mixture if their screeching doesn’t send you flying out of the kitchen first, and set it in a pot to boil for five minutes. Once you start to see the smoke beginning to billow around the pot, you’ll know it’s done. Take a sip and run – no time to waste getting away from the Haunted Woods!

     Once they are finished looking around The Deserted Fairground, Lilian and Werther continue on to Neovia. They continue to follow the path and pass through the Wanderer Camp, which leads them to Neovia. Unlike the rest of the Haunted Woods, Neovia is characterized by its Victorian and Gothic-era architecture. Lilian and Werther quickly feel underdressed for the occasion, as they watch everyone walking around in their fancy hats and dark, elegant clothing.

     Neovia: Blueberry Smothered Crumpet

     Lilian: I think we should stop by the Crumpetmonger. I know she’ll have a great Neovian recipe to add to my series.

     Werther: Sounds good to me, I could go for some crumpets right now.

     They cross the bridge that crosses the stream and walk to the Crumpetmonger’s shop. The Crumpetmonger is known to be one of the best bakers in all of Neopia. She is especially known for making delicious scones and pies.

     The Crumpetmonger: Fresh pastries! Get yer pastries while they're hot! No, I meant it... buy summat 'fore I eat it meself!

     Lilian: Hello Ma’am, we’ve come all the way to Neovia to ask if you’d share one of your famous crumpet recipes with us. It’s for a series I’m writing for the Neopian Times.

     Werther: I’m so excited to learn how to make your famous crumpets.

     The Crumpetmonger: I’ll go fetch you a platter of them.

     The Crumpetmonger goes to the back of the shop and comes back with a plate of crumpets that she hands to Werther and Lilian. They each pick up a Blueberry Smothered Crumpet and take a bite.

     Lilian: Mmmm, this crumpet is so delicious! You can still taste the freshness of the blueberries despite them being cooked down.

     Werther: I have no words to describe the deliciousness of this crumpet. I think I found heaven.

     The Crumpetmonger: Oh my, you two are too kind. I’m so happy to hear that you like my Blueberry Smothered Crumpets. Please take the rest of the batch with you. I can’t let you leave empty-handed.

     The Crumpetmonger boxes up the rest of the Blueberry Smothered Crumpets on the baking sheet and hands the box to Werther.

     Werther: I’ll be forever grateful to you for these delicious Blueberry Smothered Crumpets.

     While they eat, the Crumpetmonger begins to share her recipe.

     The Crumpetmonger: So, you’d like to know one of my recipes? How sweet, I’m so flattered. Let me show you how I make my Blueberry Smothered Crumpets. For this recipe, you’ll need:

     Wheat Flour, Acara Bran Muffin, Baking Powder, an Egg, a Sprinkling of Salt, Natural Springabee Honey, Kau Kau Farm Milk, Water Faerie Blueberries, and Hissi Oil

     To start, sieve 4 ounces of Wheat Flour and 2 teaspoons of Baking Powder into a bowl. Next, crumble up the Acara Bran Muffin and measure out 1 ounce of crumbs. Add the Acara Bran Muffin crumbs into the same bowl as the wheat flour and baking powder. It’s important to be precise with your measurements. Next, get out two separate bowls for the liquid ingredients. Start by splitting open the egg and separating the egg yolk from the egg white. You can do this by pouring the egg from one half of the shell into the other, until you catch the yolk in one half, and the white stays in the other. In one bowl, place the egg white, and in the other, the egg yolk. Take the sprinkling of salt, add it to the bowl with the egg white, and stiffly beat the mixture. In the bowl with the egg yolk, add 1 teaspoon of Natural Springabee Honey and half a cup of Kau Kau Farm Milk. Mix those all together. From here, we add the bowl with the egg yolk, honey, and milk mixture into the bowl of dry ingredients, and beat well. The final step of creating the crumpet batter is to gently fold in the salted egg white mixture and 4 ounces of Water Faerie Blueberries. Water Faerie Blueberries are the secret ingredient - it makes the crumpets extra moist and gooey. On the stove, heat up some of the Hissi Oil just until it starts to simmer and with a small ice cream scooper, scoop out some batter and drop it into the hot oil. Put in as many scoopfuls as comfortably fit in your pan. When the batter is puffed and bubbling on top, turn and cook on the other side. Once all the crumpets are made top them with fresh Water Faerie Blueberries as a beautiful and delicious garnish. The nice thing about crumpets is that they can be served hot or cold. It just depends on your preference. If you like to be fancy you can place them on a decretive tray with Natural Springabee Honey drizzled on top of the crumpets.

     Lilian and Werther express their immense gratitude to The Crumpetmonger and say their goodbyes.

     The Crumpetmonger: Good luck on the rest of your journey and please come back again!

     Lilian and Werther follow the designated path all the way through Neovia, the Wanderer Camp, The Deserted Fairground, and finally back to the Haunted Woods Archway, where they parked their mechanical hot air balloon. They jump in and head toward the prehistoric land on Tyrannia.

     Werther polished off the leftover Blueberry Smothered Crumpets as they flew from the Haunted Woods to Tyrannia, which took over two days to complete.

     Lilian: Ready for more heat Werther? I promise it’ll be the last hot land we visit.

     Werther: After my feast of Blueberry Smothered Crumpets I’m up ready for whatever comes my way.

     Lilian, laughing: If I knew crumpets were your weakness I would have stocked up on them before our journey!

     From their vantage point up above, they can see the Tyrannian down below. Lilian manoeuvres the mechanical hot air balloon and slowly lands it along the edge of the lake in the middle of the Tyrannian Jungle, to the right of the Village.

     As they exit the mechanical hot air balloon they are taken aback by the oppressive humidity.

     Werther: This feels a lot like Mystery Island except there are no beaches to lounge on.

     Lilian: They have a lake though. But, we don’t have time to lounge around. We have to get down to business. Our quest for the best recipes is over halfway done, and I can’t even count how many notebooks I’ve filled at this point!

     Werther: Lead the way, Captain.

     Tyrannia: Pteri Soup

      They walk over to the village of Tyrammet so that they can speak to its leader, Kyruggi. Lilian is searching for a traditional Tyrannian recipe to include in her series.

     As they enter Tyrammet, they let the villagers know that they would like to have an audience with Kyruggi, if she would allow them to meet with her. They explore the village while they await Kyruggi’s decision. After a few hours, they are informed that Kyruggi will meet with them.

     Lilian: I can’t believe it - I am so grateful that she agreed to meet with us!

     Werther: I’m surprised too, I wasn’t hopeful when we didn’t get a response right away.

     Lilian and Werther are ushered to Kyruggi’s hut, and she greets them once they are inside.

     Kyruggi: Welcome to the village of Tyrammet, I have been told you’ve come a long way to speak with me. My counsellors informed me that you’d like to learn a traditional Tyrannian recipe. Is that correct?

     Lilian: Thank you for agreeing to meet with us Kyruggi. It is an honour to speak with Tyrannia’s Grand Elder. Yes, Werther and I are travelling to Neopia collecting recipes from each land to write a series for the Neopian Times. We have come to ask if you would share with us a traditional Tyrannian recipe so that it may be added to the series.

     Werther: We would be forever grateful if you’d contribute a recipe to the series.

     Kyruggi: What an odd request, no one has ever asked me for a recipe before. Since you’ve travelled so far, and asked for neither money nor fame, I will honour your wish. I’ll share with you a recipe for a soup that is a staple of our diet here in Tyrammet. It is called Pteri Soup, but I assure you Pteri is not one of the ingredients. Follow me into the kitchen and I will show you how it is made. It gets its name from the bowl shape it’s most commonly served in.

     Lilian and Werther follow Kyruggi into the kitchen and watch as she makes Pteri Soup. Lilian transcribes everything Kyruggi says and does into her notebook so that she can add the recipe to her series once she is back in her mechanical hot air balloon.

      Kyruggi: Please hand me the following ingredients:

     Ransaurus Steak, Golden Ivy Leaves, Sack Plant, and Spindly Plant

     The soup has everything you need for a balanced meal: protein, carbs, and vegetables. The Golden Ivy leaves will give you the energy to play around all day, too. It’s no surprise this soup is the staple dish here. This is a very simple recipe, so all you’ll need to do is add the ingredients in stages to a pot of boiling water. First, add some cooked Ransaurus Steak. Then, slice up your Spindly Plant and mash your Sack Plant, and add those to the pot. Finally, add some shredded Golden Ivy Leaves. You’ll know it’s ready when it’s turned a golden egg colour and has thickened. While many soups need flour in order to become thicker, you’ll find the Sack Plant remarkably squishy. It’s a savoury treat on its own, too, and salty enough that you won’t need to add any extra sodium to the soup yourself.

      Once Kyruggi finishes making the soup, she serves Lilian and Werther, pouring it into the famous Pteri bowls of the region. They let the soup cool for a moment before digging in. They both enjoy the heartiness and comforting qualities of the soup, and once they finish, heartily thank Kyruggi for giving them an audience with her and teaching them how to make the delicious soup.

     Next, Lilian and Werther head toward the Tyrannian Plateau. Unlike the plush green humid jungle of the Tyrannian Jungle, the Tyrannian Plateau is an infertile desert with very dry heat, almost as hot as the Lost Desert. You’d never guess they were so close to the Terror Mountains, but the weather patterns make it such that all the rain and snow leave the clouds before they evaporate over Tyrannia.

     Tyrannian Plateau: Tyrannian Everything Omelette

     Lilian and Werther push through the heat and hurriedly make their way to their final destination in Tyrannia, and the most famous sight and distinguishing feature of the land: The Giant Omelette. The Giant Omelette randomly appears on the plateau and is Tyrannia’s main food source. It comes in many different flavours, both sweet and savoury, and no one can predict what they are going to get!

     Lilian: It’s even bigger than I ever could have imagined. I can’t see where it ends.

     Werther stares in astonishment.

     Werther: I can’t believe my eyes! It’s enormous! It looked just as big from up above, too.

     Lilian: I wonder what would happen if you combine all the flavours together?

     Werther: that sounds like a strange idea, and I’m not sure that would taste very good. But, perhaps there is a simpler recipe that calls for fewer ingredients, where the flavours might work better together.

     A Chomby standing nearby pipes up.

     Milo: I know of the ultimate omelette recipe, and it’s highlighted in 101 Tyrannian Omelettes. I understand this book will put you out a couple of thousand Neopoints, so I’ll share this recipe with you and all your readers for free. After creating Tyrannian Mini Golf with my friend Gif’n, I haven’t had to work a single day of my life – all the more time to read and cook and play! Good luck finding this sort of creation at the Giant Omelette; this is THE omelette for omelette lovers everywhere. I’ve only made this recipe once, and it was the best thing I’ve ever tasted. I hope you’ve allotted a week to gather these ingredients from all over the Tyrannian volcano, mainland, and plateau. You’ll need:

      ½ a Tomato, ½ an Organic Yellow Tomato, two outer leaves of a Honey Blossom, 1/4 lb. of Clove Ham, some Onion, one small bundle of Organic Spring Onion, 4 slices of Brie, a handful of Mushrooms, Spinach, 1 slice each of Chokato, Tigersquash, and Twirly Fruit, 2 slices of Golden Juppie, Tyrannian Cheese and Crackers, a dozen neggs, and a clay or rock slab for cooking and serving.

      Time for operation slice and dice! This will be a mega omelette of the most epic proportions, so get your knife ready and let’s get chopping. If it’s a fruit or vegetable, except for the citrusquash, go ahead and chop these up first. Make sure you pick the golden juppies, by the way. They’re the most delicious and refreshing. In a large bowl, open all of the dozen neggs and whisk them together, then add the chopped veggies. Next, go the mushrooms – how are they already dry? Guess it has something to do with the active volcanoes nearby – the heat wilts them nearly immediately after being plucked. Now for the cheese, you can add the Brie, then open your set of Tyrannian cheese and crackers. Feel free to munch on both, but while you’re doing so, a Pteri inevitably sweeps down and grabs the last crackers, leaving just the cheese. Well, that’s just enough left for the omelette, so add it in. Ready for the secret ingredient? It’s citrusquash rind, which is known for its nutritional value. Go ahead and grate a healthy amount of that and add to the mixture. Once everything is combined, pour it onto a clean rock outside to cook it. It will only take two minutes. Now, don’t go thinking this dish is finished - you still have ingredients left! The true secret to a fantastic omelette is serving it with perfectly fried bread. Take your coconut juice bowl, and squeeze the oil onto both sides of your flatbread. Put this outside as well, frying both sides for 30 seconds. Never thought you could get an omelette better than the ones obtainable at the giant omelette, eh? ;)

     Werther: Wow, I never would have guessed so much work could go into making an omelette.

     Lilian: This really is the ultimate omelette. The Giant Omelette almost seems boring after that! Thank you, Milo, for sharing!

     Lilian and Werther take one last look at the Giant Omelette before making their way off the plateau back to the mechanical hot air balloon in the Tyrannia Jungle.

     Werther: I hope once we leave here I won’t have to deal with humidity and heat again for a long time.

     Lilian: I think you’ll be missing the heat once we reach our next stop on our journey.

     Werther: It’s not Terror Mountain is it?

     Lilian: You got it. Buckle up, it might get a bit bumpy, the mountain is known for having severe snowstorms.

     They buckle their seatbelts and start flying up towards Terror Mountain.

To be continued…