A 975th Celebration Story: Who Want to be a Questor?

     This, however, was not a musical competition, nor was it an ice skating competition. This contest was a part of the Neopian festivities to celebrate the 975th issue of the Neopian Times. For tonight’s competition, Petrov would closet his rink running (or as he liked to call it, RISK running) skates and blue bow for classy suede shoes and a bowtie. It was a competition all about Neopian history—rather fitting for a contest run by the Weewoos at the Neopian Times Office.

     After a difficult year full of differing opinions, isolation, and fear (Petrov shuddered at remembering Mecha Topsi and the Sloth Scare), this was the event that would bring everyone together. Uniting Neopia under the 975th celebration banner would ultimately pave the way for a brighter future for everyone. Win, and the unlikely Bruce would send the proceeds to feed down-on-their-luck Neopians through the Soup Faerie, Giant Omelette and Money Tree.

     Withdrawing from the deep red curtains, Petrov felt the weight of all Neopia on his shoulders. Pacing around, he had mere minutes to compose himself before the show began.

     _____

     “Hello! Welcome back to our special edition of Questor!” Phineas exclaimed animatedly. “I’m your host Phineas, editor at the Neopian Times, coming to you live from Neopia Central Neolodge with our contestant, who was just about to lock in his answer for question four! What will it be Petrov?”

     Petrov didn’t break a sweat, “Well of course the answer is C) Talina. Talina is the name of the great archer in Neoquest II.”

     “You seem confident!” Phineas commented, smiling a bit.

     Petrov didn’t comment, just calmly laid his arms on his sharply dressed lap. There wasn’t a lot of time for exploring or playing with the hard work Petrov did on the rink, but he did live long enough on Terror Mountain to hear the tales of the Leximp and the city of Chias, the trapped Snowager and the legendary Scuzzy. Between skating sessions, the Bruce would read up on the amazing tale of Rohane and of course the brave Talina he met along the way in Terror Mountain lodge. He would ask fellow locals and they would be more than happy to share a hot cup of Borovan and tell the tale again.

     “Final answer?” Phineas prodded.

     “Yes, final answer.” Petrov said calmly.

     “Correct again! My my, what confidence. Is there anything you don’t know about Neopia’s history, my boy?” Phineas jested.

     Petrov merely grinned, hiding his nerves through those shiny teeth of his. There was plenty he didn’t know about Neopia’s history, but Petrov hoped those topics wouldn’t come up. Any questions about the Haunted Woods or the… gulp… Deserted Fairgrounds… Those questions had the ability to bankrupt him entirely. He had never wanted to learn about the dark and spooky history of those lands. Just looking at comics of the sort gave him nightmares.

     Petrov pushed those thoughts from his mind entirely, and turned his focus back towards his fifth question, which Phineas had already begun to read.

     “The 900th issue of the Neopian Times was published back in Y22. What month and day was this issue published? Was it A) the 17th day of Running, B) the 1st day of Hunting, C) the 20th day of Gathering, or D) the 22nd day of Celebrating?”

     Petrov thought through his answer choices quickly, running through the calendar in his head, before coming to his decision. He knew it with certainty. He looked up towards Phineas, and then realized… the crowd was watching him. Maybe he should talk through his reasoning. After all, they came for a show.

     “The 22nd day of Celebrating is too close to the Day of Giving, so there’s no way that a Special Edition issue of the Neopian Times could have been published that day. Same with the 17th day of Running—that’s Illusen Day. It’s not A or D. As for C, the 20th day of Gathering, I remember that day… It was the Faerie Festival, and I was taking a break from my ice rink in order to skate around and find a few Petpets for Baelia, she sent me on quite the wild Wibreth chase! I would remember if it had been a Special Edition that day. So it’s not C either. My only remaining option is B, the 1st day of Hunting.”

     “Final answer?” Phineas asked, grinning in anticipation. The yellow Scorchio was quite good at his job as a game show announcer. If he didn’t already have a job as one of the editors of the Neopian Times, Petrov reckoned that Phineas might give the Better Than You Kyrii host a run for his money.

     “Yes, Phineas, final answer.”

     “Correct! You are zooming through these questions… one might say you’re RINK RUNNING! Ha!”

     The audience erupted at the Scorchio’s attempt at a pun, and Petrov smiled along. In his thoughts, however, Petrov was still fighting back nerves and bad feelings. He couldn’t shake an experience he had earlier in the week at the Giant Jelly, and he was still questioning whether the event had been real or imagined…

     _____

     Earlier this week, Petrov received the Neomail that he was the Neopian selected to appear on the Neopian Times’s 975th special edition Questor challenge. He was thrilled at the prospect and jumped around with glee. With a hefty prize pool of up to 9.75 million Neopoints, the competition was nothing to sneeze at. Since Petrov earned plenty of Neopoints to support himself via Rink Runner, he knew he didn’t want to keep the prize money, if he won. So the next day, Petrov set out on his own little quest...or something like it.

     Petrov visited all of the frequented daily activities in Neopia, searching for the ones that needed and would be most deserving of some of his prize money. After extensive conversations with the Neopians who ran each one, he determined that some locations, like Anchor Management or the Forgotten Shore, were well-funded for years to come, thanks to the nature of lucky buried treasure. The Faeries and kings who asked for daily quest items, wisdom, or jokes were fine on their own; they had enough wealth and blessings to last their lifetime and didn’t need anything from Petrov. Ultimately, the most philanthropic distribution of his winnings would be to split them amongst the Money Tree, Soup Kitchen, and Giant Omelette. Those Neopoints would go towards helping Neopians who needed it the most, and that is what Petrov decided to do.

     He did, however, have a conversation with the red Jelly Wocky who runs the Giant Jelly. Initially, he thought the Giant Jelly would also be a deserving beneficiary of a split of the winnings, and communicated as such to the Wocky. But the Wocky spat in his face, and told Petrov that the people of Jelly World “do not take handouts” and “would rather simply not exist than accept a donation from a basic Bruce wearing ice skates”. Petrov was frustrated by the conversation and left in a huff. He was only trying to help. As he walked out of Jelly World, he slipped on a piece of Lime Trifle and awoke… on his couch at his Neohome.

     Maybe his Jelly World experience had all been a dream? Petrov questioned himself. But it’s almost as if he could still taste the Lime Trifle in his mouth…

     The next morning, Petrov had set out to visit Jelly World again, and see if he could befriend the Jelly Wocky. But he was unable to find Jelly World at all, and so he gave up his quest to include Jelly World as a beneficiary. The Money Tree, Soup Kitchen, and Giant Omelette were enough for this mission, he decided.

     _____

     Petrov had answered his sixth, seventh, and eighth questions just as effortlessly as he had the first five. As he racked up Neopoints, his confidence grew. And so, similarly, did his nerves. He had a sneaky suspicion that something wasn’t right, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. At least there were only two questions left before the game of Questor was over.

     “Petrov, we have almost made it to your final question of the evening,” the Yellow Scorchio said. “How are you feeling?”

     “Phineas, I feel great. You might dare to call my progress… melodious!” Half the audience groaned. Okay, so his puns could use some work. Good thing this competition wasn’t hosted by King Skarl.

     “Okay, Petrov, are you ready for your ninth question?”

     Petrov looked at Phineas and opened his mouth to answer affirmatively, but something caught the corner of his eye. A flash of red, a little jiggle. He turned to his left to look, and locked eyes with the one person he thought he’d never see again: the Wocky Jelly Keeper. poo

     “So, Petrov… have you done much travelling lately?” Phineas inquired to the very unsettled Bruce.

     Nervously adjusting his bow tie, Petrov didn’t realize the host was chatting with him on the commercial break.

     “Well, I hope you are taking these few moments to steel your focus for the next question, if you aren’t feeling particularly chatty with me,” Phineas winked.

     Snapping out of it, Petrov smiled nervously at Phineas and looked back at the daunting eyes of the Wocky just beyond the stage. The Jelly Wocky, continuing to look incensed, seemed to challenge Petrov from the side of the stage. Unsure and ready to be done with this bizarre experience, he finished piddling with his bow tie, sat up straight like the athlete he was, and focused on mental clarity exercises.

     Suddenly, to his dismay, a large glob of chartreuse-colored substance smelling very suspiciously of lime, dropped from above, landing on Petrov’s beak.

     “My goodness, what a mess! What in the jiggling jelly world?” Phineas exclaimed.

     Not wasting a second, Petrov glanced over at the Jelly World jelly keeper, but his chair sat empty. Not even a trace of red jelly was to be found.

To be continued…