Neoschools: The Why

Reason One: Inflation: Why would inflation have anything to do with Neoschools opening? You may be puzzling over this, and that is not really very surprising. So I shall tell you. With the sudden dips and waves in the economy, prices are rising. Inflation is worse than ever. An example: a Pirate Paint Brush was 3 million Neopoints one day when I first looked for it. Exactly two months later, that same Paint Brush had risen to the astounding price of 5.5 million Neopoints. That is almost twice the amount it was a mere two months ago! That is a staggering amount of Neopoints. And it is not just the Paint Brushes that are being affected by this: normal, everyday items you need to keep your pet satisfied are becoming more and more expensive. But what on Neopia does this have to do with Neoschools?! Well, I’ve still not told you, have I? The reason this affects Neoschools is quite simple: with rising prices, owners must work harder and longer to keep their families needs fulfilled. Working longer hours means less time to spend with their pets, thus less time to give them the education they need. Most pets these days are, of course, home-schooled, there being no other option. But with Neoschool now, owners can work long and hard and be comfortable in the notion that their pets are being well looked-after and educated. So there you have it, why inflation affects Neoschool.

Reason Two: Customization: Another seemingly-unrelated topic. The way Customization affects the opening of Neoschools is probably a little less direct. Long, long ago, TNT promised us all that clothes and items would never, ever be wearable. It was simply too much work. But guess what? They are! In giving us beautiful clothes and stunning fashion accessories, special clothes tailored to a specific pet and even a Spotlight for those interested in being in the hottest new style, TNT has sent us a message we didn’t consciously realize we received: the fact that they do, and will, listen to us. Our voices do not go unheard. We are not crushed and oppressed under the cruel rule of a dictator, rather we do matter, we are important! And we have asked for Neoschools. Of course, we have been asking for quite a while, so what does it have to do with Customization? Why would it suddenly come to light? Because with this message, the fact that TNT does in fact listen to us, firmly in our little heads, we are much stronger than before. We demand with a much higher intensity and more letters of complaint and begging than ever before. We even sign petitions, for Fyora’s sake! So now you see how Customization had affected us, how it has given us new strength and power inside ourselves. TNT has given into the might that is the common people, and given us what we have been asking for, for so long: Neoschools.

Reason Three: The Sloth Plot: Oh, yes, we all know about that. Sloth has begun a brand-new plan to take over Neopia. We all knew, deep down, that this would happen eventually. We were even quite excited about it. Some of us cheered for Sloth like an old and much-loved, but very poor, Yooyuball player. We expected excitement, fun, and a chance to get out all those fancy Battledome items. We got a bit more than we bargained for. In fact, a lot more. Sloth has come back bigger, better, and far, far more intelligent than ever before. With cryptic messages virtually un-decodable and mazes that baffle even the keenest explorer, Sloth has dashed our light, eager-for-fun attitudes. Many ordinary, not-so-amazing Neopians, expecting a chance for a bit of fun and glory, were unceremoniously pushed out of the way by true heroes, the only ones who could make any headway with the challenges Sloth has thrown our way. While those brave and determined, full of courage and virtue, push forward, the common Neopian, bereft of their chance at a good time, sits in the corner and sulks. Their boredom is coming back tenfold now, and guess who they are taking it out on? Yup, you’re right: TNT. It’s not their fault, of course. How can poor TNT predict the next moves of a truly brilliant genius and world-class villain? It’s impossible! But the average Neopian needs someone to take their building discontentment out on, and there’s no-one better.

TNT, tired of being pelted with cookies and needing a bodyguard to even move about, sick of being cooped up all day, their headquarters under siege, have thought up a way to pacify the people at last, to take their mind off the disappointment of Sloth, and reinsert them, TNT, into Neopia’s good graces. What better way than to release Neoschools?! Neoschools are a wonderful, brilliant way to placate Neopians world-wide and stop the constant flow of cookies being thrown at TNT’s head. Plus, they will keep us occupied and prevent panic when Sloth takes over Neopia. *Cough* I mean, when Sloth is repelled from Neopia.

Reason Four: Population Growth: Yup, that’s right. Neopia’s population has been growing steadily at a normal rate, but in the last few months it has taken a sudden and very sharp upward turn. Inhabitants are flooding in from all over and finding homes in such generally unpopular places as the Lost Desert and Krawk Island. They bring with them not just one, but four pets, all of whom are going to need somewhere to stay and something to do. With the growth and rise of Neopia, new jobs are appearing all over. Suddenly there’s a lot more to do to keep Neopia up and running. To train citizens for these jobs, what better way than to send them to Neoschool? There they will be taught the specifics in courses that coincide with what profession they choose to go into. In a home with three pets and just one harried owner, it’s most likely that all three of the pets will get the same basic education, regardless of their future place in the world, simply to save the owner time, effort, and Neopoints. In Neoschool, pets can receive specialized education tailored to their specific needs. In this way we will secure the future of the growing Neopian population.

Reason Five: Daily Dare: Well, this might just be more of a reason to release Neoschool at this time in particular, rather than a few months backward or forward. Daily Dare has just been going on. Gamers and non-gamers alike have no doubt flocked to the Games Room, eager to win prizes along with their normal income. Non-gamers, that is those who do not frequently play games and earn their Neopoints other ways, have used this as a chance to brush up a little on their skills, as well as get extra for their effort. Gamers, that is those who normally play games for Neopoints and typically spend their whole day sweating over the Tyrannian mini-golf holes, have seized the chance to show AAA just how good they are. That snotty, stuck-up little kid definitely needs taking down a notch. *cough* ahem, I certainly did not say that. Please read on.

Now, with all these Neopians now in possession of so many, many more Neopoints and cool items than at any other point in the year (with the possible exception of December with the Advent Calendar), guess what time it is? You guessed correctly, intelligent reader: spending time! The owners will need lots of time to pore over their deliciously shiny new things. They will need hours to haggle in hot, hot Mystery Island in order to sell their items for half the price, using twice the time, that they would have gotten from playing some nice little game. And so what better way to encourage this than to open Neoschool, a convenient, educational, wonderful place for the little pets who would have otherwise had a quite unexpected holiday?

Reason Six: Boredom: Oh, yes. I have saved this for the very last. Not because it is the least important; on the contrary, I think it may rank first in importance. So let me tell you: TNT is bored. Yes, it can happen. You didn’t know, did you? But they are bored. The plans have been laid for the Sloth Plot. There is no more work required other than executing these plans. It is the beginning of April. Nothing happens in April. Daily Dare is over (and you know TNT doesn’t participate, so they have nothing to do afterwards), summer vacations will not be here for some months to come. This is a time of utter and complete boredom. So what do we do? We release Neoschools! Oh, yes. This is a capital idea. A wonderful, fantastic, everybody-will-love-it-and-we-will-be-worshipped-and-no-longer-bored idea!

So there you have it. Six reasonable, evidence-backed reasons why TNT has released Neoschools. Now you are no longer worrying and wondering, I am sure; now you know. Now you are fully informed and can feel much better than everyone else. There is no need to come after me with biscuits or cries of thanks. I am modest. I need no recognition. So go now, and enjoy Neoschool.