 Eighteen Tips on Coping With a Neopet's Awful Name
by the_crimson_rose
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We have all had this problem: You see an epic pet in the Pound, but the name... ugh, the name! How can a person adopt the pet and cope with such a name? Maybe your Neofriend has found your dream pet... but no one can pronounce the name, and it even makes the Neopet cringe. Or perhaps you wish to rescue the Neopets that seem unwanted to either keep for yourself or to paint and improve to adopt out to someone else, but you're not sure how to get around that ridiculous name that someone gave the poor dear. Maybe you created your pet for yourself, and lo and behold, you missed a typo! There must be some way to help these poor Neopets and owners cope with the awful and silly names they come across! Well, friends, here are eighteen tips to help cope with various bad name situations: You can assure your fellow Neopians that "Twinky" is just a *cough* silly nickname, while the Neopet's full name is *insert something epic here.* Who named this pet BlueEyez, anyway? Well. Maybe his real name is Sinatra, and like Sinatra, he has this nickname. Consider purchasing Dark Blue Contacts from the NC Mall to emphasize this nickname in a fresh and fun way! Extra Xs to decorate the name? Well, Xs just mean "eXtra special!" Take that, bullies! Lots of silly numbers surrounding the name? Have your pet slap a hand, paw, or wing over those whenever someone visits their lookup. The numbers never existed at all. Or maybe the numbers are 25519. Translate that from the alphabet, and it spells Bees! There. Your Neopet just has a super cool coded name.
In the case of a lowercase named pet, you can alter the CSS of their lookup to transform the text into capital letters. At least that way, no one knows it wasn't capitalized at all! You can even do the same on your user lookup for a full cover-up. The only way they can see the true capitalization would be to use the search box in the Neopets side bar.
Someone decided to name your Neopet after dung. How nice. Time to develop a sense of humor for yourself and your Neopet. Perhaps your pet can be a bit of a stinker (haha) in certain situations. Maybe your pet has somehow earned this undignified nickname because of some hobby or behavior, but their full name is really so much better, and will be posted on their lookup in a lovely banner immediately. Have a misspelled word or name? Discretely tell your pet to inform anyone who asks that their owner *cough* you *cough* made a typo on the birth certificate, and then correct them on the *cough* real *cough* spelling of his or her name. And now if you could please call him or her by the "real" name, that would be great, thank you very much. Underscores? What underscores? Those are merely visible spaces, silly! You still insist you see those underscores? Hmph. Well, fine, then. Underline the text on your Neopet's lookup and maybe nobody will know the difference, anyway. Oh, no – a Neopet with a really corny fandom name! Maybe your Neopet is just going through a phase. You know, the type of phase some kids go through where they pick a nickname and refuse to go by anything else. Maybe your Neopet really does have a great name, but since he or she is currently a fan of a certain movie or television show, the pet is currently insisting on being called by said name. One can only hope they grow out of phases like this. So someone names their pet SCPTCTY. Well, that's just an acronym. The full name is Super Cool Pet That's Cooler Than Yours. Also known as Coolio. For your information. So there.
Complete gibberish? Maybe it's a secret code because your pet is a secret agent, but their real name is actually really, really awesome... Oh, and don't ask what the current mission is. Top secret. Cannot be compromised. Fyora would have a fit – oh! But I have already said too much. Nevermind. Forget that ever happened.
Remember, you can code a Something Has Happened! random event on your Neopet's lookup. Just picture this: Something Has Happened! Mizzluckypoo tingles all over and realizes her name has suddenly changed to Susan! Imagine that. Please remember that she now only answers to Susan. Someone named your Neopet something like FlowerBucket? Well, maybe your pet has a more French pronunciation. That is pronounced Flower boo-KAY, thanks very much! And as a last resort, paint your pet something cool and train them until they're practically superheroes so they can easily squash anyone who makes fun of their name. That should solve any remaining problems you are your pet may have.
Most of all, make sure your Neopet knows he or she is cared about whether the name is awful or not! No matter which option you choose, your Neopet is yours and no one else's. And many of these options help give your Neopet's story humor, color, and character. You can have a pretty epic pet with an interesting back story, even when his or her name isn't exactly one that you would choose on your own (or did choose on your own, but you were ten years old and still a fan of that one show. Yeah, THAT show. You know what I'm talking about). So do not be dismayed – you and your Neopet can have a beautiful friendship, even if one or both of you have a less than desirable name on Neopets.com! And if you adopt this pet out to someone else, be sure to kindly remind them of any option you choose, and that the pet deserves a good home no matter what their name is. After all, as Shakespeare put it, "What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet."
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