As the Wheels Turn

Wheel of Excitement

Now seeing as the Wheel of Excitement is located in Faerieland, I think it's fairly obvious how it gets most of its power. Clearly it runs on faerie magic. Perhaps faerie magic can also produce Neopoints. Or maybe the Neopoints come from the rainbow fountain. Surely there are some unsuspecting Neopets who thing that, since it's a fountain, they can just toss some Neopets in there, make a wish, and be painted. What about the less desirable spots on the Wheel of Excitement, like the power to inflict disease? It is merely a plot to round up customers for the Healing Springs, or is there something more sinister going on here? Is it possible that wraiths are penetrating the faerie's magic? Is it the same power that brought Faerieland down from the clouds so many years ago?

I tried to speak for Fyora about such matters, but she had high and noble things, such as diplomacy, on her mind. I suppose the most likely explanation is the simplest though: dark faeries. They never have had Neopia's best interests in mind, and it would be just like them to lurk behind something that seems so innocuous as the Wheel of Excitement. So perhaps, the next time you spin the Wheel of Excitement, if you ask Queen Fyora to bless your spin, maybe, just maybe, you'll stay way from the spots controlled by the dark faeries.

Wheel of Knowledge

The power of this wheel again seems somewhat obvious by its name. It's called "The Wheel of Knowledge" after all, and you know what they say: knowledge is power! But while knowledge may give us answers to how to cure diseases and it may give us ideas for great inventions that will make Neopoints, knowledge, in and of itself, does not create wealth. So where do all those Neopoints come from? Now as mentioned before, the obvious answer is that it comes from the fee it costs to spin it. But that's probably just enough to maintain it. I mean, think of how many Neopets spin that wheel every day. Why, the maintenance costs alone must be astronomical. I suggest there might be another answer. Perhaps it comes from the activities fee included in tuition to Brightvale University. Now clearly, Brightvale has teamed up with Faerieland for this wheel, as Marina lends her healing powers to the wheel. This wheel can also give you a book. These must be donated promotional books from Brightvale Press. You can't buy better publicity than that.

Wheel of Extravagance

Now this one is fairly straight forward. Seeing as there is only one spot that will likely give you more than you paid to spin it, this one is all about profits. Avatars aside, the only mystery surrounding this wheel is why do we fall victim to such an obvious scheme?

Wheel of Misfortune

First of all, the obvious question is why would anyone spin a wheel called the "Wheel of Misfortune?" I mean, there's really only one possibly outcome... misfortune. Why would someone pay for that? Okay. So there's a slight possibility you'll actually win more than you paid to spin it, but really, what do you think your chances are? Not so great. Now as to how this wheel can inflict diseases, I think the answer to that must be fairly obvious also. The owner never cleans that thing. Too lazy, I guess. It must be crawling with bacteria. In fact, I'm surprised everyone who spins the wheel doesn't get some sort of disease as a parting gift, in addition to whatever the wheel takes from you.

Wheel of Mediocrity

Once again, the name gives you a pretty good clue about this wheel. This wheel is pretty… well… mediocre. Why would anyone create such a wheel anyway? Does the owner feel mediocre, or is he trying to make everyone who spins it feel mediocre? Maybe it's a statement on his world view in general. Perhaps he's just grown ambivalent and can't see how great Neopia is anymore. The wheel has a few good spots, a few bad spots and a few spots that do essentially nothing. How mediocre. Honestly, I'm not sure there's a whole lot I can say about this wheel without repeating what I've said about other wheels. Which makes this entire paragraph pretty… yep. You guessed it. Mediocre. But at least the word "mediocre" is fun to say. Mediocre! Mediocre! Mediocre! Hey, I just thought of something… Mediocre, meteorite… they sound similar. One of the spaces is fire balls raining down from space. Clearly meteorites. It's a natural connection.

Wheel of Monotony

"Wheel of Monotony, turn, turn, turn. Tell us the lesson that we should learn. Moral number six! If you have enough time to spin this wheel, you have too much time on your hands." Actually, the saying should be "Wheel of Monotony turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, tur…" Sorry. I got carried away just a bit there. Back to the world of Neopia.

Now the main question behind this wheel is not so much behind what the wheel gives or takes away, as we have examined this with the other wheels. The real question is how does it spin for such a long time? I honestly thought I was going to get through this entire article without mentioning the usual culprits of all Neopian conspiracies… Meepits. But I think the Meepits may actually be behind this one. Not because they are such sinister beings, mind you. No, I think that maybe they have been forced into this against their will. What if the Wheel of Monotony is powered by one or more Meepits running on a giant Meepit wheel? Maybe the only reason it stops turning is because the poor Meepit has collapsed from sheer exhaustion. In fact, maybe this is the reason why Meepits are out to get Neopia in the first place. Forced labor has a way of doing that to you. Don't worry. I'm sure the Petpet Protection League is investigating this, if this is the case.

There is one more possibility that does not involve Meepits. What if the Wheel of Monotony is stuck in some weird break in the space-time continuum? The Wheel of Monotony does reside in Tyrannia, which is a prehistoric land. So perhaps the wheel isn't spinning for a long time after all. Perhaps when you spin the wheel it is in fact during a prehistoric time, and as it's spinning it's merely trying to catch up to modern times. Making up a few million (billion?) years in a few hours? That, my fellow Neopians, is actually quite incredible.

The Future of the Wheels

Now let's look to the future of wheels in Neopia. Perhaps a new wheel will show up one day. Kreludor doesn't have a wheel yet. That would be quite fascinating. How would a wheel respond in near zero gravity? It might spin forever, making the Wheel of Monotony seem quite fast indeed. Perhaps you would need to have a button to spin it and to stop it as well. Oh, the conspiracies that could lie behind that one. What if you hold down the "stop" button? Does the prize depend on how long you let is spin? If you stop it after exactly 3.141592 seconds, do you win a piece of pie?

Conclusion

Clearly there is much more behind these wheels than meets the eye. If it costs so much to maintain these wheels, what's the point of owning a wheel? Do the owners do it out of the goodness of their hearts, to give bored Neopets something to do, or do they hoard the Neopoints, becoming billionaires? I'm afraid all I've really done is raise more questions than answers. We may never know the true answers behind the wheels, but I've hope you've enjoyed my mindless theories. Perhaps you can come up with some on your own. I've love to hear them.