National Neopia - A Traveler's Guide to Hotels

Cockroach Towers - Rating: One out of Five Stars

Location - You don't want to know!

Cockroach Towers is an interesting place to stay, definitely for the cheap and/or poor Neopian, at a price of 5 Neopoints a night. Known as an economy hotel, with a rating of one star, the Cockroach Towers offers the worst service money can buy. As you might imagine by the name, the beds and rooms are crawling with Cockroaches. How it passes the Health Inspection, I don't know. The services are even worse:

Restaurant Services:

The restaurant services in the Cockroach Towers are under par. The food, cooked by a rather fiendish jail cook, is swimming in bugs. The menu has a very strange selection of fried clothing, real bug juice and moldy potatoes, probably bought from Meri Acres Farm a couple hundred or so years ago.

Fitness Services:

Fitness Services, such as the Tennis Courts and Swimming Pool have been closed down for quite some time. Due to this, we can not bring you any information on the probably also cockroach infested fitness services.

Relaxation Services:

Relaxation is a very interesting subject in one star hotels. You find a very limited amount of services and the services there are not that great. In the Cockroach Hotel, you can find the following relaxation services:

Maid Service - An army of very moody and extremely rude, not to mention old, bunch of Kaus. Don't expect them to do anything more than making the room more messy than it was when they came in.

En-suite bathroom - Hardly touched and the suspected home of an angry green monster. Using the en-suite bathroom is not the best idea.

Sauna - All we can say is not to touch the oozing, glowing yellow stuff on the wall. It is inferred to be leftover Toxic Waste from the Meepit factory nearby.

Overall Atmosphere:

The walls are black with dirt, cracked and broken, the ceiling leaks, the carpet smells and the toilet is constantly backed up. There is nothing more to say.

Reviews:

"Get out of there before it's too late!" - Neopian Times, Issue 32, "A Guide to Staying Safe"

  Fleapit Hotel - Rating: One and a Half out of Five Stars

Location: Outskirts of Neopia Central

Fleapit Hotel is, like the Cockroach Towers, a very cheap and not so nice place to stay. At a price of 10 Neopoints per night, it is somewhat better than Cockroach Towers. Really, the low rating is not from the completely deadly services, but from the very limited, and still not the best, services (not to mention all the petpetpets!).

Restaurant Services:

The Restaurant, called "The Itchy Fleapit", is not the most comfortable place to eat, but offers a selection of somewhat edible foods, covered in their famous Fleapit Sauce. Our reader tally recommends the Steel Cube appetizer, as it is the only food there not covered in fleas.

Fitness Services:

The Fleapit Hotel includes some very controversial fitness activities that truthfully, don't bring out the better (if there are any) points of the Hotel. The Scratching Post, Fleapit Pool, and Fleapit Lifting Room are not really the best places to go to enjoy some physical activity. You're better off going into town.

Relaxation Services:

The Relaxation Services in the Fleapit Hotel are the highlight, actually, of the Hotel's facilities. These services are not that well kept, but still usable:

En-suite bathroom - Slightly cleaner then the washrooms in the Cockroach Hotel, they are accessible and thought to be usable. The downside is that the sink is broken, the shower doesn't have hot water and the towels are never washed.

Laundry Facility - We actually encourage you to use the Fleapit Hotel's somewhat decent Laundry Services. You may find your clothes shrunk to the size of a thimble on occasion, but the service is fast and works!

Grooming - If you want to be groomed with fleas, then this is the place for you. If you get really itchy, then... don't use the Grooming Service.

Overall Atmosphere:

The entire hotel is covered with petpetpets, making it very hard to move around, and also very uncomfortable. The beds have straw mattresses and the pillows are stones. The building itself is not well managed and the Front Desk gets a bit too enthusiastic when a new guest signs in.

Reviews:

"I've never tasted Fleapit Juice before. To tell you the truth, it isn't too good." - Dave Dodal, Guest in the Fleapit Hotel

"Not the best place to stay, but if can't afford anything else, this is fine." - "A Guide to Hotels and Resorts" Neopian Times Issue 123

"I've seen better." - Neopian Times Issue 56, Hotel Reviews (pg. 2)

  Cheap Hotel - Rating: Two out of Five Stars

Main Location: Lost Desert, Sakhmet City

The Cheap Hotel is not only cheap to stay in, but has very cheap services and staff. At a price of 20 Neopoints a night, you can discover the wonders and advantages of being cheap. You can consult the book "Keeping Cheap" by Erin Pointesto, the manager of the Cheap Hotel. The services seem a bit strange after you take away the money...

Restaurant Services:

Don't expect to get a menu here! To save money, the waiters have memorized all the foods the kitchen has to serve. The selection of food ranges from nifty fast food dinners to strangely coloured asparagus and ready-to-eat vegetables, as seen in Bob's Bargain Foods. The décor includes plastic utensils, cardboard plates, and paper napkins and walls covered with heavy duty lead paint.

Fitness Services:

In order to save some funds, the Fitness Service only has one selection, the Gym. Complete with Meepit powered treadmills, Juppie weights, and straw mats, the Gym is the highlight of the Cheap Hotel. Most people don't actually use the gym, but stand and admire what the hotel has done with such little money. The Meepit powered treadmill is a revolutionary idea and marks the beginning of Meepit slavery. The Juppie weights, using fruit instead of iron, is a new idea, portraying snack and exercise. The straw mats aren't really that amazing, but still add on to the whole cheap Gym idea.

Relaxation Services:

Like the Fitness Services, the Relaxation Services have been tweaked because of the cheapness. Instead of having the traditional way of things, the Cheap Hotel uses the most economic and money saving methods possible:

The Jacuzzi - As explained in the Fitness Services above, Meepit Slavery has really helped the hotel. Instead of having a complete sauna with a proper bubble maker, the staff makes Meepits blow into the water to create the "Jacuzzi" feel. As for the hot water, the expense is too great, so the water is cold.

Maid Service and Laundry Facilities - the Maid Service actually works in the Cheap Hotel. They clean the rooms and reuse all the stuff they clean. Dirty toothbrush? Who cares! It's still usable. Also, instead of using washing machines for the Laundry Facilities, you can drop your stuff off at the pond where it will be washed the old fashioned way.

Overall Atmosphere:

Despite the cheapness and the uncomfortable beds, the Cheap Hotel has a bit off a greedy, but still friendly atmosphere. If you're in a rush and don't have too much in your wallet, the Cheap Hotel's many locations would be glad to take you in (as long as you pay).

Reviews:

"A nice pleasant place. Very cheap, but a good place when you're on-the-go." - Guest at the Cheap Hotel, Tyrannian Location

"I still want to know why my food wasn't cooked..." - Reporter for the Neopian Times Reviews

  Mountain Lodge - Rating: Three out of Five Stars

Location: Terror Mountain

The Mountain Lodge is one of the most scenic hotels in all of Neopia. Located in Terror Mountain, the hotel has a stunning view of the mountain range and Happy Valley underneath it. For 30 Neopoints a night, you can enjoy the spectacular Mountain Lodge view and its services directed to middle-wealth Neopians.

Restaurant Services:

The restaurant is located in a giant glass building, which lets you watch the snow fall to the ground and see the pine tree bristle in the wind. The food is okay and has a small selection of Terror Mountain food. The Mountain Lodge is famous for its Snow Cone Desserts, for which Neopians all over the vicinity and ski slopes come in to have a taste. The ceiling of the building is a giant panorama painting of the ski slopes with the hotel at its bottom.

Fitness Services:

The biggest and most popular Fitness Services in the Mountain Lodge are the ski slopes. Right from the hotel, you can register to go skiing and even rent your own equipment for a fun day at the slopes. The indoor heated swimming pool is the home of the annual Terror Mountain Swimming Competition and also offers Swimming Lessons for kids at an additional cost of 10 Neopoints per lesson. The gym is not the best place to go because most of the focus is on the skiing and swimming. The Gym does have some useful equipment that can be used for minor fitness exercises, though.

Relaxation Services:

The Mountain Lodge has an extra relaxation service not mingled with the customary ones you usually find in hotels. That is the Snow Lounge. When you come back from a long day of Skiing and the restaurant is closed, you can enjoy a hot cup of Borovan or tea in the lounge, while looking out the window to watch the skiers fly down the mountain. As well as that, you do in fact find the customary ones:

Grooming - The hotel offers an okay grooming service where you can get a barber to do his thing, or an ecstatic pink Usul to paint your toes and nails. The service is inexpensive and good if you want to perk up for a night in the town.

En-suite bathroom - Cleaned regularly by the maids, the bathroom includes a shower/bathtub in one and all the other necessities. Fresh towels are presented once you run out and the hotel provides a toothbrush and tooth paste that can be charged to your room after use.

Overall Atmosphere:

The Hotel isn't too fancy but a great place to stay if you are planning a skiing vacation. The restaurant and lounge are the best parts of the hotel and a must go for a light snack, meal, or cup of coffee. The rooms all have a beautiful view of the mountains and the services are pretty good.

Reviews:

"Wonderful view. The Ski Slopes are amazing and the lounge is such a great place to go to relax and even enjoy a good book!" - "A Trip around the World" by Marie Martin

"I refused to leave until my wife got angry. Either way, I'm coming back next winter." - Reporter for the Neopian Times Reviews

  Ye Olde Ship Inn: Rating - Three out of Five Stars

Location: Krawk Island Coast

Ye Old Ship Inn is the ideal hotel for vacationers and travelers in Krawk Island. Like the Mountain Lodge, this hotel is directed to middle-class Neopians, and for the price of 40 Neopoints a night, you can experience Krawk Island through this hotel. The services, in order to make you seem like part of the island, have a pirate theme:

Restaurant:

The restaurant in Ye Olde Ship Inn is decorated just like an old pirate pub, with wood tables, a bar, a Shoyru on the piano, and waiters dressed like pirates. The giant portholes at each table allow the diner to gaze at the harbour and the ships leaving port. The food is a selection of fairly good products that come right from the Island. They also import drinks from the Golden Dubloon. The restaurant is famous for the small acts that go on during your meals which range from pirate battles to stories and legends.

Fitness Services:

The Fitness Services really do bring you into the Island. At the front desk, you can sign up for fitness adventures outside the hotel. Once booked, you can enjoy Rowing Races, Buried Treasure Digging, Dubloon Hunting, and also the hotel's gym. The gym is one of the biggest services Ye Old Ship Inn provides, as it holds a great number of fitness and exercise machines, as well as weights and a track to run or jog on. Swimming is also available, as the hotel holds swimming races on the shore where it resides.

Relaxation Services:

As well as the common services, the hotel offers a number of extra things that it hopes will help you enjoy your time on the island. This includes a certified pass to gain entrance to the Golden Dubloon no matter what obstacle, a couple of discounts at most of the stores, and, for a little extra, a trip in a ship to see Krawk Island, Mystery Island, and other small places. The regular services include:

Neopian Times Delivery - A new issue is delivered to your door every day, if you bother to pay for it.

Sauna - The sauna is decorated with pirate merchandise pasted all over the walls. Although it is very squishy inside, you can relax and enjoy the heat of hot coals steaming up the room.

Laundry Facilities - Thankfully, all you need to do in Ye Olde Ship Inn is to drop your laundry in the basement with your name on the bag, and come back to your room to find fresh, clean clothes bagged up and brought back.

Overall Atmosphere:

The hotel has some really amazing feats, the best part being the pirate theme that encircles not only the services but the rooms too. The adventures offered to you by the hotel give you new insight into the island you are on. The fitness activities are even better. In "Treasure Digging", if you find treasure, you keep it! This hotel is probably the best place to go to enjoy a Krawk Island vacation.

Reviews:

"The whole pirate theme made me stay so I could investigate every part of the hotel. The fitness activities are ingenious and the rooms look just like and Inn, but more comfortable." - Traveler for "National Neopia"

"The Hotel without a doubt deserves its good rating!" - Amateur Reporter for the Neopian Times Review

"I went on the "Trip in a Ship" to see the surrounding islands. I don't think I ever had so much fun in my life." - Guest at Ye Olde Ship Inn

  Hotel Opera - Rating: Four out of Five Stars

Location: Neopia Central, Music District

The Hotel Opera is for the prominent Neopian who doesn't want to spend too much on a very fancy hotel but still enjoy a nice opera, deluxe suites, and service that lets them enjoy a nice vacation. At the price of 50 Neopoints a night, you can join the world of music as you discover opera and plays. The service includes a number of things that fit to Neopians willing to spend a bit more for a fancy hotel:

Restaurant Services:

The Hotel Opera actually has two restaurants, one that will be mentioned in the "Relaxation Services" section, and one that will be mentioned now. The hotel's main restaurant is located near the Opera Hall, and is called "The Rose Pavilion". The restaurant is not too extravagant, but actually very simple and fun. The walls are covered with different posters of plays and operas that have taken place in the hotel. The tables are all located near indoor windows that look out into the Opera Hall below. Each table has a white tablecloth and a single rose in a vase. As for the food, the chef makes near gourmet meals with ingredients bought from the "Health Food" Store and the "Gourmet Club". The meals are somewhat expensive but still good, making "The Rose Pavilion" the best dining in the hotel.

Fitness Services:

The Opera Hotel does not have such a large fitness program but it does have a few places you can go to get some energy out. The tennis courts are located outside the main building and hold tournaments every once and a while. The squash courts in the basement are is the perfect place to meet up with a few friends and play a game of squash. Finally, there is a jogging route around the hotel premises and the park. The Hotel Opera does not intertwine itself with rough physical activity as it is meant to be a classical and musical place.

Relaxation Services:

The Opera Hotel first and foremost offers the wonderful ability to listen to Neopia's most acclaimed actors and singers. The Opera Hall, the main attraction and relaxation service in the Hotel, is the home of world famous opera singers Amy Acara and Don Draik. It also includes the magic of the Altador Symphony Orchestra. As well as beautiful décor, the Opera House also allows you to sit at tables around the seats and enjoy a dinner while watching the show.

As always, here are the traditional services as well:

Maid Service - The maid service, dressed up in opera costumes, go door to door daily to clean the rooms, make the beds and provide you with fresh towels. With better service than the past few hotels, the maids are very passionate about their job.

Grooming - A spa near the Lobby gives you the opportunity to book a massage, facial, salon haircut or manicure and pedicure. It is not the best spa in the world, but it is the best place to go if you want to relax and perk up.

Overall Atmosphere:

The Opera Hotel gives you the best opera heard in many years. The entire place is filled with a classic feeling and music. The rooms are reasonably comfortable and the hotel is spectacularly planned out. If you are in a mood for opera and a musical vacation, the Opera Hotel is the place for you.

Reviews:

"Every night a new production, opera, or symphony. The music was lovely. Though the rooms are not like to ones I have seen in the Presidential Palace, they are fitting for a good night." - Cocoa Kacheek, guest at the Opera Hotel

"Formidable restaurant, nice location, great music. What more is there to say?" - Manny Mynci, guest at the Opera Hotel

  The Royal Neopian - Rating: Four out of Five Stars

Location: Meridell, Palace Area

The Royal Neopian, located right next to Meridell Palace, is the place to be if you want to be a king for a day, or even a vacation. A high price of 80 Neopoints a night will bring you into a world of royalty. The entire hotel is fit to the theme, with the lobby being a throne room, the bedrooms being Royal Bedrooms and the maid being royal servants. If you can afford it, this hotel is the best place to go for the King Skarl Experience.

The Restaurant:

The restaurant, called "The Grumpy Old King", is one of the most exquisite hotels we have heard of in this article so far. The room is decorated like a fancy dining room with a Meridell theme. The walls share the same red, white, and blue style as the Meridell castle. The waiters are dressed up as Draik Guards and trained with spears. The hotel even has the same chandeliers. As for the food, there are two menus: the Three Course Menu and the Everyday Menu. From both you can order kingly food from the palace's own batch of royal chefs.

Fitness Services:

The Royal Neopian offers many traditional Meridell sports that once in a while become a Meridell wide tournament. The hotel is where the annual Meriball championships are held. The same courts are available to all guests who enter the "Royal Fitness Program". One of the most popular games is the Swim Across the Moat Challenge. Not only used for day-to-day swimming, the moat is home to a monthly challenge that awards the victor a free three course meal at "The Grumpy Old King". The last Meridell activity that the Royal Neopian offers is Ultimate Bullseye. After booking a game, the hotel pays for your admittance and you have all the time you want to shoot ten arrows at a moving target.

Relaxation Services:

One of the Royal Neopian's most acclaimed and famous service is their tour of Meridell. In this tour, a professional tour guide, a historian, and a farmer guide you through all of Meridell. You start from the palace, make your way to Meri Acres Farm to Illusen's Glade, and back to the hotel. The Royal Neopian also offers the ability to go for one day to its sister residence, the Opera Hotel (both the Opera and Royal Hotels are trademark of Shoyrux Enterprises), and the hear the glorious sounds of the Altador and Meridell Symphony Orchestra. Some of the other services include:

Maid Service - Each worker in the maid service is dressed up as a royal servant, ready on their heels to fluff your pillow, make your bed, clean the washroom and tell you all about the hotel. Truly one of the most creative maid services in years.

Neopian Times Delivery - Once a week, free issues of "The Kingly Post" and "The Neopian Times" arrives at your door.

Overall Atmosphere:

The Royal Neopian building looks like the Meridell palace. The maids, though a bit edgy, tend to most of your needs. The service itself makes you feel like you are King Skarl. Though it could use some improvements, it's a top notch hotel.

Reviews:

"The entire time I felt as though I was a king. Great place, great service, and amazing atmosphere." - Amber Acara, Guest at the Royal Neopian

"The Royal Neopian is now the only place in the world other than the Meridell Palace that still holds the architecture of Ancient Meridell" - "A History Of Meridell and its Culture" by Drake Dragon

We hope that you have enjoyed the first part to our Hotel Guide and use it to find the best suitable hotel or vacation spot for you and your family. For more information on National Neopia or to subscribe, please contact your nearest National Neopia Office. We are also accepting subscriptions to Issue Two, a guide to Neopia Central and the Northern Worlds, and Part Two of our Hotel Guide. Thank you for taking your time to read this issue and we hope you enjoy any upcoming vacations in Neopia.

Editor-in-Chief, Kawaktongbee

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Please neomail kawaktongbee.