What These Neolodge Hotels Are Really Like: Review!

Next to a large crackling fire sat a Bruce named Waddles, in a plush red arm chair. "Why, hello there. I'm here to give to give you my opinion of every hotel the Neolodge has to offer."

***

I will be judging these establishments based on:

• My first impression
• Amenities
• Cleanliness
• Hotel staff

Each of these categories are able to receive a total of five points, the best score for the hotel being 20 points.

Our first hotel is Cockroach Towers; it costs five neopoints a night here. My first impression was NOT a good one. I arrived that morning, and the first thing I saw was the area the so-called 'tower' was in. There was a lot of garbage in the alleyway, and many homeless pets wandering around looking for scraps of food. The outside of the motel had a neon sign of its name, 'oach owers' -- as you can tell the sign was broken.

I went through the gaping hole in the front since this was the only accessible way in. I was disgusted when I saw there was a giant cockroach behind the check-in counter. I gave him my name and received a rusty old key.

The entire hotel had no electric, I guess so you couldn't see how terrible the place really was. I did notice, however, a ton of cobwebs, moldy carpets and wallpaper, and cockroaches infesting everything. The lobby was also lacking furniture and that warm 'come inside' feeling.

I went up the flight of creaky wooden stairs to my so called 'room'. When I put my key in the lock, the doorknob fell off. I looked inside and went over to the dusty window to let some light in. I moved the deteriorating velvet curtains back and saw... a brick wall. So much for light.

Luckily, the room came equipped with a battery operated flashlight that actually worked. The walls and carpet were just like in the lobby: stained, moldy, and covered with roaches. They did, however, have a couple pieces of furniture; a dung bed and a dung arm chair. Of course this made the room have a terrible odor that made me want to gag. The roaches, however, loved the smell and infested the furniture as well. I could tell I was going to have a sleepless night.

Well, now is the time to touch on some of the amenities the motel had to offer. The swimming pool was nonexistent, since the motel had no yard. When I asked the cockroach concierge about this, she said, "go home and swim in your tub." The en-suite bathroom was not private; it was a very small dark room about the size of a broom cupboard. They had a rusty looking bucket with a piece of toilet paper next to it. They also had a showerhead screwed onto the wall with only one knob... cold.

I went down to the restaurant for dinner and looked over the menu. Their only selection was 'what we give you.' When my food arrived I got toenail soup, maggot stew, and some rancid dung coffee. I discreetly threw it all on the floor for the cockroaches to devour.

When the cockroach maid arrived the next morning, she walked around the room and said, "Looks clean to me," and left. I went downstairs to return my key, but no one was around, so I left it on the counter.

Well, this was an experience I want to forget as soon as possible, so onto the scoring:

• My first impression-1
• Cleanliness-1
• Amenities-1
• Hotel staff-1
• Total score-4

The next motel on the list is the Fleapit Motel; it costs ten neopoints a night. This motel was located in a clearing in the Haunted Woods, so at least you had some attractions around you. It looked pretty plain from the outside: a one story, cement building.

When I entered, I was surprised to see that normal neopets were the hotel staff. This motel did have electric, though, so that was a good sign. I went up to the check-in desk when I got yelled at by a blue Ogrin at the counter. He told me to just grab a key; I guess his irritation was from the fleas biting at his skin.

I walked down the long hallway, dodging fleas as I passed through. Hmm... my number three on the door is moving? Those fleas are pretty smart, but this would cause a problem trying to locate your room if they decide to move.

I walked inside and saw that they had some decent furniture made out of itchy straw, but I suppose it fits the Fleapit motel them... itchy. The room did have a window with a nice view of the Deserted Fairground outside, though.

I walked back into the lobby to ask where I could purchase some flea treatment, when a flyer caught my eye. The flyer read: "Come on down to the hotel parking lot and see the world famous flea circus!" This caught my interest, so I decided to check it out.

The flea circus wasn't very entertaining, just some fleas hopping around on the miniature circus props. I have to commend them, though, for making some form of entertainment available at the motel.

I felt a little hungry after that, so I thought I should go check out the motel's restaurant. Inside, they had some straw chairs cluttered by hewn stone tables, I sat myself down and looked over the menu hoping for a better food selection than the last motel. The Ixi waiter was a little impatient since he also had fleas biting at his flesh. I tried to go for the safest food choice ordering a cheese ghostkersandwich, some fright pop, and for dessert a delicious chocolate korbat ice lolly.

After a somewhat enjoyable meal, I decided to hit the hay... literally, since the beds were made out of straw. It was itchy, but then again, so were the fleas biting at me. I woke up finding myself covered in horrible flea bites. I'm going to have to get some itchy scratchy cream when I'm back in town at the pharmacy.

The Krawk maid did clean the room very efficiently; the only downside was she complained about all of the fleas that were biting her. I placed my key in a cardboard box they had by the door and went to a more comfortable location to score the Fleapit motel.

I figured I would wait to do the amenities in a place where I would be a little less... itchy. They did have a very nice pool outside; the water was chilly, but it was also a place where the fleas couldn't getcha! The en-suite bathroom was very basic, just a toilet and tub in a closet sized room, but at least it was private.

The sauna was also placed in a very small room, which was a problem because apparently fleas don't like steam. So there was really no room in it since everyone tried to squeeze in there to get away from the fleas. The motel didn't have a fitness center, because you got all of the exercise you needed trying to run away from the fleas!

The Fleapit Hotel was a little bit better than Cockroach Towers, but the fleas certainly didn't help the score:

• My first impression-2
• Cleanliness-2
• Amenities-3
• Staff-1
• Total score-8

Today I'm going to be staying in the Neopian Bazaar at the Cheap Hotel, not a very promising name for a hotel, but I'm sure it will be better than the last two motels I stayed at.

I arrived in the bustling Bazaar as restockers zipped in and out of the various stores. My hotel was located in a shabby little building behind the petpet supplies store. I stepped inside to a small but comfy little lobby, where a few early risers were busy reading the Neopian Times that were delivered to their rooms. A very sweet blue Kau checked me into one of their rooms up on the third floor. Sadly the hotel had no elevator, so I had to drag my luggage up the narrow stairwell.

The hotel corridors are old and ugly, decorated with bright pink carpets and dull yellowing wallpaper. My hotel room was decorated in some simple blue furniture, and even had a small neovision. However, the carpets and wallpaper were just as bad as they were in the corridor, and the ceiling was suffering from some water damage. My en-suite bathroom was small but had all of the basic necessities, including a basket of grooming toiletries which was a very nice touch.

The hotel itself is located right in the middle of the action, since it's close to many popular shops. The hotel had a small concrete outdoor pool and Jacuzzi, but it was located out in front of the hotel which gave the pool goers no privacy. As I was enjoying my complimentary Neopian Times in the lobby, my stomach gave me a hungry growl. So I decided to try out the hotel's Burger Bar!

The Burger Bar was located right next to the lobby; it was filled with some plain looking tables and chairs, and some colorful burger posters. The Burger Bar was self-serve and it felt like a neoschool cafeteria; you lined up and got your trays, and got some cheeseburgers that were sitting under a heat light. I was disappointed that the burgers were already made because that meant they had probably been sitting there all day. My suspicions were proven right when I bit into the cheeseburger, since it tasted like it had been sitting out under the sun all day.

I walked up the three flights of stairs to my room and slid into bed. I woke up the next morning feeling more tired than before. The bed was comfortable, the problem was I heard my neighbors talking all night long because of the paper thin walls. On the way out of my room, I ran into the Korbat maid who gave me some new toiletries to take home.

A monotonous looking Ogrin checked me out and did not apologize for my restless night. Overall, this is a very average hotel; it's not bad, but it's not good either. If I had to stay in a clean hotel that was cheap, I would select the Cheap Hotel for 20 neopoints.

Even though the score is not much better than the Fleapit Motel, the Cheap Hotel is wonderful since it doesn't involve irritating insects of any kind:

• My first impression- 2
• Cleanliness- 4
• Amenities-3
• Staff-2
• Total score- 11

Before I went to stay at the next hotel, I had to go home and pack some warm sweaters and jackets, because it's located on the very top of Terror Mountain! This hotel may be located where it's too cold for some pets, but I'm a Bruce so I'll feel right at home!

I got on the boat from the docks of Neopia Central and headed straight for the frigid peaks of Terror Mountain. I made my way up to the top of the mountain via the ski lift, where I was greeted with an arctic blast of snow.

The Mountain Lodge is located behind Taelia's giant igloo, making it unnoticeable. The Lodge looked like a cute little stone cabin with firewood piled up along the wall, and smoke rising up from the chimney. The outside was very deceiving, because when I stepped inside, the lobby became a big open space, full of plush armchairs and a roaring fireplace.

I was greeted by a kind blue Xweetok who personally took me to my room, and handed me a heavy wool blanket for my bed. The room was very spacious and clean with a decor of white to match the heavy downfall of snow that's always outside. The room was also equipped with a small heater to help keep you warm at night.

I went down into the lobby where I saw a burly looking Kougra rounding up guests to go skiing with him. I rushed right over to sign up, almost slipping on a big pile of melted snow that the staff didn't clean up. I enjoyed a fun day of skiing and sliding on the Mountain Lodge's private ski slope.

After an exhausting workout, I relaxed in the Lodge's hot and steamy sauna that warmed my flippers up immediately. They also have an outdoor pool, but it's frozen over 365 days a year, making it a fun ice skating rink.

After winning the hotel's ice skating competition, I walked over to the Lodge's restaurant, which was a big glass room with a view of the surrounding landscape. I was immensely disappointed, though, when a big yellow Lenny served me a snow sandwich and a grape snow puff. I was hoping for something that would warm up my belly instead.

On my bed were some more blankets that the maid had laid out in case I got cold during the night. During my good night sleep, I dreamed of nothing but white sparkly snowflakes dancing in the wind.

The 30 neopoint a night Mountain Lodge was a wonderful hotel with great outdoor activities for all ages, a very friendly staff, and a toasty feeling that makes you feel right at home:

• First Impression- 4
• Cleanliness- 3
• Amenities- 4
• Staff- 4
• Total score- 15

Ahoy me landlubbers, I'm currently sailing on the deep blue ocean on my way to Krawk Island to stay at the next hotel, Ye Old Ship Inn. As soon as I stepped onto the rickety old dock, I shed my winter coat for a tropical island shirt, since it's sweltering hot here.

I wandered around completely lost until I finally gave up and asked a mean looking pirate Bruce what direction the hotel was, and I was in awe when I saw that the hotel was in the shape of a wrecked pirate ship. I stepped through the hole of a cannonball blast to a pirate Blumaroo standing behind a counter made out of crates. I noticed the worn wood floors and walls as he gave me an old skeleton key for my room. The lobby was just a bunch of crates scattered around if you wanted to take a seat, and small oil lamps were hung on the wall casting an eerie shadow as they flickered.

My room was very small, like the crews quarters on an actual ship to go with the theme. But my room was decorated like the main deck of a pirate ship, the bed had sails flowing over them, and I had a pirate ship wheel right in the middle of my room making me feel like a real captain! They even had a flag pole next to the door with an assortment of flags so that you could choose which flag to hoist up.

Unfortunately the room was a bit messy. I guess the swabby deserted when the hotel wrecked. The bathroom looked as if the ENTIRE crew had been using it; I suppose I'll have to clean it later if I want to actually try using it.

Even though Krawk Island is incredibly small, there is still some fun things to do to occupy your time. I mostly explored the outside of the island, though, since most of these activities required dubloons. I did enjoy the amazing hotel pool, though; it even had a water slide that shot out of the hotel. They also had water cannons for the younger pets, or the young at heart pets. I would, however, not pay for grooming here, since the staff are angry pirates that almost rip your hair out with a comb.

Since the Golden Dubloon required actual dubloons to even dine there, I decided to have lunch at the hotel. The restaurant had plain ol' wooden tables and long benches to sit on; good thing I didn't get any splinters. The food was based around Krawk Island's amazing seafood. I enjoyed a wonderful seafood medley featuring all of their fresh catches! The food definitely made up for the lack of comfort inside the restaurant.

I went back to my room and looked out my porthole, seeing the dim lights of a few ships passing by on the harbor. In my bed, I could hear the distant sound of waves breaking on the rocks. The beds sheets made me itch the entire night since, they too were made out of actual sails from a real ship. No maid showed up in the morning, as I figured would happen, so I packed up my bags and checked out, embarking on to my next hotel journey.

So far this has been the best themed hotel I have stayed in especially for 40 neopoints a night, but that was the only great thing about the hotel the rest was fit for scurvy pirates:

• First Impression-5
• Cleanliness-1
• Amenities-4
• Staff-1
• Total Score-11

Today I'm heading to the green land of Brightvale, home of the Hotel Opera. This quirky building is located right behind Brightvale Castle; it's hard to miss since the building is shaped like a green Scorchio head that is singing! You enter the hotel through the Scorchio's mouth (that sentence sounds really disgusting, doesn't it) into a large marble lobby.

I walked over to a large counter filled with opera playbills, and a large Skeith went through the process of checking me in while singing. I found the singing charming at first, but it quickly became annoying since she never stopped.

As I walked through the hotel, I felt like I was in a magnificent theater full of marble columns, plush red curtains adorning the windows, and speakers playing opera music throughout the halls.

My room was made to look like a theater with my bed being on a raised platform like a stage, and spotlights on my headboard. Everything was classic black and white, with a few pops of red here and there. The bathroom was gigantic and there was a massive echo in there if you wanted to sing, and the room was immaculate to boot.

I was really impressed that the hotel had its very own 200 seat theater, featuring many up and coming opera singers. I even had the pleasure of going backstage and meeting a few of the stars of the show.

The salon was wonderful; they have the 'opera singer' package where you get groomed like an opera singer in their dressing room backstage. The sauna was not very relaxing, however, since the hotel played opera music in there as well. Instead of a fitness center with normal exercise equipment, you could do singing exercises with a certified opera singing instructor. But I can assure you that I won't be singing at the Tyrannian concert hall any time soon. :P

After a tiring day, I went over to the hotel's restaurant that was set on its very own stage. I sat in a red theater booth and had my Draik waiter sing me their specials. The restaurant had a very assorted selection of food, so that even the pickiest pet can find something to enjoy.

Even though my bed was comfortable, the hotel didn't shut off the speakers in the hallway, so I heard the unbearable screams of opera all night long. In the morning the Xweetok maid tidily cleaned up, while singing of course, and wished me a good trip home.

This was a very impressive hotel, with some amazing architecture, amenities, and a 50 neopoint a night price tag. However, if you do not enjoy opera being played or sung 24 hours a day, then I suggest you select a different hotel:

• First Impression-4
• Cleanliness-5
• Amenities-5
• Staff-1
• Total Score-15

Today, I'm on the back of a desert Uni heading for our next hotel located in the Lost Desert. Unfortunately, this climate is not good for a Bruce such as myself, so I'll definitely be using the hotel's pool.

The Royal Neopian is located in the thriving city of Sakhmet, just beyond the Royal Palace. Colorful tents filled up the dusty town, merchants displayed their wares outside of their stalls. The Royal Palace is the city's gem, its round gold domes rose high above the walls surrounding the city.

The Royal Neopian looked exactly like a miniature version of the magnificent palace; it even included a steep set of stairs up to the entrance of the hotel. I could tell that these stairs would be a problem going up and down them if I got tired.

The lobby looked like an outdoor courtyard, with potted palms, red embroidered couches, and a giant anubis fountain in the center. The staff members of the hotel were dressed like servants, while you, the guest, were treated like royalty.

My room was certainly fit for royalty; it was massive and filled with expensive looking pieces of furniture. They had a little reading nook, a bed covered with moquot netting, and a wonderful balcony overlooking the city below. My furniture decor was a color palette of rich yellows and bright whites.

The en-suite bathroom was made out of white marble, and had a tub that could easily fit a pool party! Everything was spotless; I haven't found something dirty yet. You can also call up the maids by ringing the special bell-pull next to your bed.

The hotel had some tennis courts out in the back, but it was much too hot to play, so I headed for the pool. The pool was pretty small and shaped like a rectangle, but it had a cool palm tree fountain in the center that squirted water everywhere.

After a refreshing dip, I got groomed in the salon, changing into some royal desert garb afterward. I wore my new 'desert' look out into the city, and explored all of the curious wares that the merchants sold.

After getting completely parched from the scorching desert sun, I dragged myself up those horrible steep stairs and headed to the hotel's restaurant. The restaurant looked just like the lobby, a courtyard except they had patio sets scattered throughout the area. Most of the cuisine was local fruits; they didn't have many meats. They did offer me a special Sakhmet dinner, though, even though this is served just for special occasions. Even though the food I ate was certainly delicious, I still have to take into consideration the fact that they didn't have a varied menu.

Before I headed up to my room, I disposed of my clothes down in the hotel's laundry facility, so they would be clean for my trip home. As I was in bed, my sheets soon became sticky with sweat, since my room was only equipped with a large ceiling fan.

As I was packing the next morning, the Acara maid arrived with my freshly pressed clothes that were scented with a special flower that only grows in Sakhmet.

This was a very impressive hotel for 80 neopoints a night that included wonderful decor and staff; however, some amenities could have been better and the menu selection was poor. Also the location of the hotel was placed in a horribly hot location, and the front steps leading to the hotel were daunting.

• First Impression-3
• Cleanliness-5
• Amenities-3
• Staff-5
• Total score-16

Today my sister Aya, the faerie Ixi, is flying me and my luggage up to our next hotel destination which is located right in Faerieland. After Aya got done complaining about how much I packed for an overnight stay, I bid her a farewell.

I walked past the magnificent Rainbow Fountain where a few lucky pets get painted almost any color they desired. I also saw a big line leading into the Healing Springs where many injured pets were being healed by the swirling waters.

I passed over the cobblestone bridge and through the rod iron gate into Faerie City, where I saw a bright pink miniature castle with a small wooden sign that read 'Faerie Castle'. Now with me being a boy and all, I didn't really prefer the pink exterior of the hotel.

I entered the lobby, which looked somewhat enchanted by magic; purple clouds seemed to be magically floating high above my head. Images of many different faeries fluttered above my head, disappearing through the wall. A beautiful earth faerie checked me in, and did tell me that this hotel is powered by magic, not electricity.

The purple staircases floated around the lobby, and would rise whenever a pet stepped on. The strange part is the staircases would always arrive at the correct floors. After feeling ill from riding the magic staircase, I arrived at my room.

I had two problems with my room; obviously many boys didn't stay at this hotel unless they really liked the color pink, since my room was nothing but pink... everywhere! The second problem was the magic flowing throughout this hotel apparently got into the furniture because all of it was floating carelessly above my head. Now I'm sure if you were a faerie or flying pet, this wouldn't be an issue, but unless I suddenly sprouted wings, this would be a big problem.

I was horrified to see the toilet and tub in my en-suite bathroom were also not bolted down to the ground, and thus floated along the ceiling. If only I could fit one of those magic staircases from the lobby into my room. I did have a nice big picture window with a view of Faerie City, though, and a window seat that was attached to the floor.

I decided to take a dip in the hotel's swimming pool, which was located on their roof. The pool was shaped like giant faerie wings, with a magical fountain floating high above. The waters were not magical like the Rainbow Fountain, but they were quite refreshing.

The restaurant was located in a lattice covered terrace that was covered in wonderful smelling flowers. They had a big selection of local faerie cuisine; I enjoyed a giant heavenly roast turkey, and for dessert a fluffy chocolate cloud cookie. With my belly full, I hobbled up to my room and called maid service. The sweet air faerie that came to my room hoisted me up to my bed. I only hope that I'll find a safe way down in the morning.

I woke up this morning on the ground with a throbbing head; to my distress I had fallen out of the floating bed in the middle of night. The air faerie maid from the night before flew me to the Healing Springs and apologized for their magical furniture.

After collecting up my personal items, I went down to the lobby to check out. The earth faerie apologized for my head injury, and gave me their complimentary pack of faerie postcards.

The hotel was stunning even though it was a bit girly; the major downside was that the only guests that would be fully capable of enjoying the hotel would be faerie or flying pets. The friendly faerie staff, 100 neopoints a night price, and the spotless hotel made up for the lack of inconvenience.

• First Impression-4
• Cleanliness-5
• Amenities-3
• Staff-5
• Total score-17

Today I'm heading to the rich and historical land of Altador, which is home not only to the Hall of Heroes but also the next hotel. Just behind the Hall of Heroes building is the impressive Presidential Palace. The massive marble structure was at least fifteen feet tall; supporting it were ten smooth pillars that wrapped around the building.

A giant Skeith bellboy took my luggage for me and told me that it would be placed in my room. A tall, cold-looking open lobby was made completely out of thick marble. To make the space more open, giant stained glass windows depicting Altador's twelve heroes surrounded the room, with a skylight finishing it off. But the only seats in the lobby were made out of hard black marble.

A steel elevator slowly lifted me up to the fourth floor, where a long marble hallway greeted me. When I opened the door to my room I noticed my luggage sitting in the corner and the oversized furniture filling up the large space. My room was decorated in the theme of King Altador.

The bathroom had a large marble tub complete with steps to get into it, and a marble vanity with double sinks stretched out along the wall.

I went down to the lobby and found out that each of the rooms are centered around one of the twelve heroes of Altador.

I decided to head out and explore the giant colosseum, home of the famous Altador Cup. On the way back to the hotel I stopped at the Hall of Heroes to see these heroic neopets in statue form.

I came back to the hotel to relax in their spa, where I was pampered like King Altador himself. I was treated to an array of spa services and I finished by relaxing in their Jacuzzi, made out of what else, marble.

Dinner was served up on the rooftop restaurant which had a lovely view of the historic city. I was seated at a giant table with some other hotel guests as silver platters were set upon the table. The platters were filled with all of the local delicacies; I enjoyed an altadorian olive salad and washed it down with some nectar of the heroes.

After a delicious meal, I stepped out onto my spacious balcony, and was greeted by a cool breeze and picturesque view; the ocean with a backdrop of the setting sun.

I sank down into my plush bed, and the last thing I saw before I drifted off to sleep was a mural of Altador, which was located up on the ceiling.

As I packed up all of my belongings that morning and headed out the door, my Neopian Times was promptly waiting for me.

The city of Altador was a wonderful host for the Presidential Palace hotel, the landscape was truly breathtaking. The guests were treated like royalty, getting spacious rooms and filling feasts for the price of 200 neopoints a night. The hotel itself was a magnificent structure, blending in well with the historic city; I'll just have to remember to bring a jacket since the marble made the hotel constantly cool:

• First Impression-5
• Cleanliness-5
• Amenities-4
• Staff-4
• Total score-18

Today I'm waiting in Neopia Central for the rocket that's going to be taking me to my final hotel, AstroVilla! For 500 neopoints a night, included is the rocket ship trip to the hotel which is located in the space region of Kreludor.

After a horribly nauseating flight, I was thankful to be on land, and before you ask, I'm not floating around in space. The rocket landed on a concrete platform on the moon and we exited out into some sort of plastic tube that leads to the hotel.

I soon saw the hotel, which was located behind the deserted Kreludan Mining Corporation; it was a purple metal building that had a series of tunnels with glass viewing chambers at the end of each one. But I soon realized once I was inside the hotel that it was a much bigger building than I thought.

As I exited the tube, the entire building opened up in front of my eyes. The lobby was surrounded by balconies that overlooked the busy area. The lobby was purple and orange themed, and had hologram rocket ships taking off inside the lobby every five minutes. The hotel itself must have been at least twenty feet tall, and different kinds of neopets were bustling all about.

A purple Grundo in a spacesuit came over and introduced himself; he then checked me into my room which was located on the top floor. He called a mutant Chia over to bring my bags up and show me to my room.

I was a little nervous when I went into the glass tube elevator with him, but he became a sort of tour guide as he pointed out the various elements of the hotel to me as they passed by on the elevator ride.

When we entered my room, I saw that they did everything possible to hide the fact that you were staying in a cold metal space station. It looked like a normal hotel room, but it was full of Kreludan furniture, and had four portholes with a view of the distant lands of Neopia.

My en-suite bathroom was made to look like a space station docking port. I had a steel toilet and sink and a giant bathtub right in the middle of the ‘docking port.’ It looked like a round spaceship; it even had colored lights submerged in the water that would whirl around when someone pressed them.

After pretending that I was blasting Sloth’s space station in my orange hoverbed, I decided to find out where some of the hotel’s amenities were located, since the only attractions around Kreludor that you could go to were a neocola machine, a mining corporation, and a couple of shops.

Down the hall I ran into their laundry facilities. Expecting to see do it yourself laundry, I was greeted by an alien Aisha who took your clothes and washed them for you, and delivered them back to your room.

Curious from seeing a tennis court sign, I followed the tube to a giant glass room that was filled with big blue tennis courts and nets that would raise higher if you wanted a challenge. Neopets would even whack the ball against the glass walls, laughing as they tried to avoid the now dangerously fast ball.

The hotel’s swimming pool had a giant room of its own; the pool was like a series of lakes that were built on multiple levels. A giant waterfall flowed through all of the levels of the pool, and baby neopets were sliding down the metal poolslide that looped around the perimeter of the pool.

After all of the fun I had at the pool, I decided I would go to the burger bar for some lunch. The room was filled with memorabilia from the Kreludor’s Altador Cup team, and the Grundo waiters and waitresses were dressed like goalies. I even sat on a yooyuball shaped bean bag, and had a slushie shaped table.

Their menu was stuffed with burgers from every land, but I enjoyed one of my favorites from home, an ultimate burger!

After waddling away from the burger bar, I decided to work off my lunch in the hotel’s fitness center. The room was surrounded by giant televisions and in the center was all of the latest exercise equipment; they even had Xweetok fitness trainers there offering free cardio classes.

After working up a sweat, I decided to sweat even more in the sauna, which was great for my feathers! The sauna had so much steam that you had to feel your way over to the metal seats surrounding the room.

I got so tired that I decided to take a nap in my room on my orange wave sofa. I woke up a few hours later to my stomach rumbling, knowing that it was dinner time.

The hotel’s fancy restaurant was located in a giant glass viewing chamber, I asked for a seat by the window, which the host was only too happy to oblige.

The restaurant had dim lighting to show off the room’s only decor the awe inspiring view of Neopia below. The room had glass tables with comfy blue chairs that looked like they belonged in a living room.

My Draik waiter told me that there was no menu, because you could order anything on Neopia that you wanted. The restaurant apparently had a food transporter, so they were able to get anything that you requested.

My meal was made up of different foods from all around Neopia such as fancy seafood, passion berry, and sakhmet palace cake. Before I left my table to go up to my room, I gazed longingly at Neopia Central, thinking about how much I missed my own home.

When I went back up to my room, I was happily surprised that the maid had turned down my bed for me. I even had an icy mint placed upon my pillow and a handwritten note that said, ‘sweet dreams.’

So here I am today back in my own home, in my familiar plush red arm chair next to my fireplace. I wanted to be somewhere comfortable to write my last hotel review, and I could think of no better place than my home.

The AstroVilla hotel was no ordinary hotel; it was a hotel that was also full of adventure. I mean, what other hotel do you know that includes a rocket ship ride! There was no need to leave the space station since it was full of ‘out of this world’ amenities. I also know of no other hotel which offers views of every Neopian land in one place.

• First Impression-5
• Cleanliness-5
• Amenities-5
• Staff-5
• Total score-20

Well, that was my last hotel review; it has been an incredibly short career, but I've enjoyed traveling all over Neopia and meeting some very... different characters. It is now time for me to take a vacation from all of these vacations by staying home for a while.

NOT reviewing your hotel establishments soon, Waddles.